how to "fall out" of love

[gsf]

not a dumping question, but this seems like the best place to ask...

Long story short, I fell in love with a girl, and have been in love with her for several years. We've been best of friends for that duration of time, too. She has no interest in me on a romantic level whatsoever.

Getting back to the question, how do I end it? I rarely find any interest in other girls either. Sure I think they're attractive, but the thought of any kind of relationship doesnt cross my mind. I'll usually start thinking something like "hey, *nameless* would wear a shirt like that" and get frustrated. I've been in a couple of relationships since I met her in attempt to find somebody else, but it doesn't work. I still think of her. None of them ever got intimate either.

I'm sure this isn't healthy, and I'd really like it to stop.

[shenmue]

I was in this.... she freaked out and went nuts and now she deliberately flirts with the others to upset me. I just told her it hurts to much to see you with someone else, that's why I can't be your friend.

It makes no sense. She could've had ME for godsakes.

[gsf]

she doesn't actually know I'm in love with her. And I like it that way, for the fact that she will freak out.

Not being friends is not an option. Not just because I fear never seeing her, but because she truely is my best friends and I am hers. I just want my romantic feelings to stop. I am seriously thinking about seeing a shrink. Those are expensive though, so I'm asking around a bit first.

[shenmue]

only a rotten bitch would freak out- if you think about it. Shouldn't a friend be at least nice about it?

[gsf]

good point, I did once tell her I was crazy about her, a couple of months after I met her.
But either way the problem isn't solved.
Thanks for the words of wisdom though.

[leight69]

Here's a tough question you have to ask yourself....

Do you REALLY want these feelings to end? If you do, then you'll have to be prepared for some tough times...

1) Tell her how you feel, be open and honest with her. If she's your best friend and the feeling isnt mutual then she'll let you down easy, but will let you down.

2) Cut off contact with her, she may be your best friend, but you need to get her out of your system.

No worries if you are really good friends, just give it time and you'll be friends again. Seriously.

As for telling her...you know what she just might want more...

[shenmue]

DO NOT get your hopes up. Stay calm.

[leight69]

you know what... shenmue, your reaction is the reaction my friends fear from me at the moment. there's this girl im crazy about who i thought had a bf, but apparently doesnt. i wanna figure out more about her, see..etc.

BUT my friends (who dont really know her) - are affraid I'm going to build up a fantasy relationship in my head and get hurt....I'm not overly conserened about doing that...but if guys do reaction like that (as you have) .... then maybe they have reason to be "conserned"

[shenmue]

why are you being such an asshole leight? I never did anything to you. I don't recall announcing to you that I had built any kind of relationship in my head, so wherever you got that from send it back.

conCerned

[Killerbabe]

Originally posted by gsf
she doesn't actually know I'm in love with her. And I like it that way, for the fact that she will freak out.

Not being friends is not an option. Not just because I fear never seeing her, but because she truely is my best friends and I am hers. I just want my romantic feelings to stop. I am seriously thinking about seeing a shrink. Those are expensive though, so I'm asking around a bit first.

Dang! *Killerbabe tries to knock some sense into gsf*

Well, then TELL HER! You have absolutely no right to hide your feelings from her if she's such a close friend, let alone rob her of your friendship just cause you're being a wuss and can't tell her. What if SHE likes you?

Moving on. Man, if you really think a gut and a girl CAN'T be lovers/romantic partners/significant others/whatever just because "they've been friends for so long" - it's bullshit. If you were totally not her type she wouldn't even waste her time hanging out with you instead of going on dates, getting laid, etc.

And finally, whatever happens don't get discouraged, of course she can be shocked and everything and say something corny like "give it time" or something, but DON'T listen to her! Just grab her like a real man (so that she does realize there's a dark side to you she doesn't know yet! ) and for petesake KISS HER. Even if she starts protesting, never mind that silly girl, and do everything to make that little heart of hers leap out of her chest.

Let's see some action!

[jane]

Originally posted by Killerbabe
Dang! *Killerbabe tries to knock some sense into gsf*

Well, then TELL HER!

Let's see some action!

Couldn't have said it better myself! EXACTLY!! Be honest and talk to her. You'd be a fool if you don't think she already has an idea anyway. She should here it from you.. yaknow?

[shenmue]

I wish telling someone worked.

Oh and if you kiss her and she protests DO NOT CONTINUE IT.

Be careful not to crawl for her you have your dignity too.

[jane]

shenmue... you sounding stronger these days! It's good to hear!

[shenmue]

[Puz]

Originally posted by gsf
not a dumping question, but this seems like the best place to ask...

Long story short, I fell in love with a girl, and have been in love with her for several years. We've been best of friends for that duration of time, too. She has no interest in me on a romantic level whatsoever........

...........

Okay, now, this is what I did in a similar situation a year ago. A lot has happened since then, but in that time I had a very good, maybe the closest, girl friend who I fell in love with. I enjoyed her friendship, but felt for her even more. It was so obvious actually, and she's no fool, so I had no other choice but to let her know.
So I told her, in not so dramatic manner, that I loved her. What was burning inside of me for months now went out and I felt relieved - it was now all up to her. She did "let me down" actually, and she told me that the friendship WAS what she wanted from me.

We stayed good friends even now, as we are both clever people. My love went different directions (not happy though, but nothing to do with her).

The point is: you HAVE TO tell her, you can't lose. At least you should end up feeling relieved (as you won't be tormented inside), and in best case scenario you may end up a couple.

A change WILL come, so be prepared.