Problem - need advice....

[honey]

Hi,

I've been dating my bf for 4 years, but to start from the beginning...

Before I went out with him he was really good friends with a girl. He asked her out 4 times, but she turned him down. When I came on the scene I wasn't initally that bothered by this girl friend of his - she would flirt with him a bit, but I just thought it was messing about. However, I accidently got sent a text message from him to her stating that he loved her. We had a huge arguement about it and more things came out. She flirted with him a lot, said that she loved him etc. Anyway. We almost broke up, but he said that he had no feelings for her and didn't want to hurt me so he stopped seeing her. I never really spoke to this girl before, but after this inicent she said a lot of nasty things behind my back and she tried emailing by bf to meet up and chat etc. In my mind she was properly only was interested in my bf as a friend and for the attention before I came along, but after we started dating she got annoyed that he didn't spend as much time with her.

Now it's been over two years since they have properly spoken. We still live in the same neighbourhood as her and she occasionally has tried to meet up with him. I thought she had backed off, but now she's invited him to her birthday party - totally out of the blue. She obviously wants them to be friends again, but I know she hates me and I really can't trust her. Stopping my bf going to this party seems too extreme, but I don't know what to do. Btw I completely trust my bf that he wouldn't cheat on me, but this whole situation makes me feel uneasy. Advice please....

[King Zarathu]

I enjoyed reading these two quotes:

he said that he had no feelings for her

and didn't want to hurt me

Somehow, the puzzle pieces came together for an instant, until I read:

so he stopped seeing her.

This, however, I find interesting. Did he simply tell you that he wasn't going to be seeing her anymore? I don't mean for you to act in a sneaky way around your boyfriend's back to find out what's really going on, but in a way you really need to know.

The key here, simply, is:

I completely trust my bf that he wouldn't cheat on me

You sound really sweet, I would hate to watch you get cheated on. Post back later to update us!

[pinkpuca84]

yea...i understand what u feel. for some reason, girls are so blody annoying (even tho i'm a girl too..haha), but really, i find that girls become more attracted to guys who are attached (or liked by other girl). If the guy is "unwanted" and "single", they are not attractive. i think this problem occurs in this case. before ur bf went out with u, she wasnt interested in him. but suddenly, when he's taken by u, she's like WHOAAAA....COOOLLL...yea...so annoying. my own female friend did that to me too. anyway, all u can do is not to wory abt it. if ur bf loves u, he will stick by u no matter what. if not, then u can see that his love is not strong enough, rite? this is a test for him. and u should not worry abt it. trust urself, everything will work out for ur own good. relax

[honey]

Thanks very much for your advice!

To reply to Zarathu, this girl tried to meet up with my bf again after we had had a huge argument about it. He didn't want me to be upset about it so he apparently emailed and said that he couldn't make it.... That was a year ago. Since then he's seen her once in passing. However, she's emailed him since then and I'm worried that she has designs on him. Or am I just being paranoid?!? Why will she not leave him alone? Don't really understand.... Sorry!

[King Zarathu]

In the end result, the big question is whether or not your man is cheating, right? See, if that shit keeps up you're eventually going to loose trust in him and then you'll break up. I suggest you have a conversation with him (NOT an argument! That gets NOTHING accomplished) and tell him this.