dealing with break up , 3yrs

[ilg203]

hi , me and my girlfriend had been going out for 3 years and we spent so much time together through many different things, we sacrificed alot of time with our friends and now this year we have been having a few fights although we are still very much in love and got through them fine. then she told me she needed space and more time to spend with her friends so we went on a break from seeing each other as much although we still kissed etc. now a few weeks on she has told me its over completely and she needs freedom and dosent know whats going to happen in the future it just wasnt working for her. she still says she loves me very much and that i know her better than anyone. when i asked her where do we go from here she said its undetermined and im broken in half we have become so attached to each other. she didnt say whether or not we will get back together she just said she will always love me and she just wants to think about herself for a while and what she needs. we had broken up 2wice before although we got back together within 2 or so weeks. i dnt know if this will be the same
i love the girl so deeply and i know she loves me but i feel i cannot be friends with her because it hurts too much just always wanting 2 reach out to her and do what we used to do. i love the rest of her family and her house i love the girl so much im scared of seeing her with anyone else she didnt rule out the possibility that she will go out with someone else and she ddnt rule out the possibility that we wont get back together, shes said shes not thinking about the future atm just the time now. what should i do im lost and in pain please help!

[vashti]

You should avoid contact with her and move on with your life. You will obviously go through a mourning period, but it will end sooner if you avoid the whole "let's be friends" nonsense.

[Ellynn]

Being friends might sound comforting now.....but honestly thats sometimes EVEN harder then dealing with a breakup! I mean sooner or later shes gonna start dating people and your gonna end up hearing about it/seeing it..

The best way to get over someone....is to get complete closure and then move on....

[tremer]

This advice is sound, trying to be friends would just complicate the situation. Maybe if your paths crossed in the future it could work, but for now closure and distance will make it easier on both of you!

[ilg203]

she told me last night that she hasnt decided anything yet and we saw each other yesterday and said we wld kiss for the last time . the problem is i have no one to talk to i sacrificed all my time with my friends and are no longer as close to them i cannot talk to them and shes the only one i used to talk to. things change so quickly it seems i cannot believe it . does it sound like i have a chance. we planned to live together...

[Zrx]

I think you should give it time and work on yourself at the moment, you two could possibly get back together in the future but as of this moment she doesn't want to.

[icey]

ilg203, I feel for ya man. I am going through the EXACT same thing. Although I've had more preparation since I broke up with my girlfriend a few more times than you. The first time we were living together and I moved out and took a trip to Costa Rica for a month. I got back with her after returning, that was a year ago. But I don't think it's gonna work out now.
It's hard dude but you have to listen to the replies above me. I can't talk from experience since my girlfriend and I are still not officially broken up yet. I'm too @#$! weak to walk away from her (I'm workin on that). When I'm in the situation before we officially break up, I can see the situation for what it is, but once we actually break up, reality sets in. And I lose sleep and my appetite.
My advice would be to let go of the hope that you will get back together, and focus on the reasons why you shouldn't be together. That's what has helped me in my "down" times.
It's mindblowing what emotions a relationship can stir up. Some of the greatest feats of man have been fueled through it. And 99% of all lyrics in music.

[Gigabitch]

she told me last night that she hasnt decided anything yet and we saw each other yesterday and said we wld kiss for the last time . the problem is i have no one to talk to i sacrificed all my time with my friends and are no longer as close to them i cannot talk to them and shes the only one i used to talk to. things change so quickly it seems i cannot believe it . does it sound like i have a chance. we planned to live together...

What a drama queen.

However many friends you do or don't have, she is not one of them. You can't be friends with her until you're over her. Tell her this, and understand that you can be your own friend until you make more and reconnect with your old friends.

Repeat: She is not your friend.

[ilg203]

she told me last night that shes still not over me and that she was tempted to call me but she has been trying not too. we seem to be avoiding that we ever went out and talking normally. i saw her at soccer last night and we kind of smiled at each other. i dont know whether to just give it time and maybe she will need me back?? or maybe just move on. how can i find out ? i dont want to put pressure on her asking her if i should stop liking her and move on incase there is a chance she just wants space. but then again .. im confused! what should i do???

[drewcarrey]

just shooting blanks here... are you her first boyfriend? if you are, let her be. chances are that if you do get back together, she will not have had yet 'explored the world' and will always ask that question... which will only lead to infidelity and all that jazz...

let her be, set her free. set yourself free as well. if she comes back, and she is emotionally worth more than the person that you will be with in the future, dump her. but be fair - do not use her as a patch. give your future a chance. who knows? your future girl might be even better ^_^

[Gigabitch]

she told me last night that shes still not over me and that she was tempted to call me but she has been trying not too. we seem to be avoiding that we ever went out and talking normally. i saw her at soccer last night and we kind of smiled at each other. i dont know whether to just give it time and maybe she will need me back?? or maybe just move on. how can i find out ? i dont want to put pressure on her asking her if i should stop liking her and move on incase there is a chance she just wants space. but then again .. im confused! what should i do???

That shouldn't be up to her. Quit relinquishing your own power.

[ilg203]

i think of her all the time, we have decided not to talk for about 4 days, she said she thinks it would do both of us good and clear our minds, i asked what that meant and she said 'i dont know until then'. does anyone know what this means? yesterday we had a bit of a talk and it was a bit emotional and i said i love u and she said i love you too, do u think i have any chance wat does that mean?

[jendenovum]

I think that she wants to explore the world and possibly date someone else. I am not trying to sound harsh, but she is sugar-coating the fact that she doesnt want to be with you any more. Your crying and whining will make her feel guilty and possibly relent -kiss you, talk to you etc, but then she will just secretly despise you all the more for it.

Trust me, I was on both sides of this story at one point or another. I played the heartbreaker with my first real boyfriend (we dated for 2 years starting at age 14.) And then I played the fool with my now husband. (We met when I was 16 and he stomped my heart once at age 18 and once again at 20) It is SO HARD to stay away from that person, especially when you feel like you have no one else. The truth is that you do have other people to turn to, its just that you want who you want.

STOP CALLING her, you will only make yourself look pathetic. If she is going to want you back, it will be because time has passed, it wont happen overnight. She will more likely need to be treated like crap by someone else first. Start keeping yourself busy. Good luck. I would never want to go through it all again, but you can do it.

[lollerskater]

[collegegirl23]

3 stages - GRIEVE, ACCEPT, and MOVE ON. Take time to GRIEVE, cry all you want, and even replay all the things that happened or what went wrong. Afterwhich, learn to ACCEPT the situation that indeed you and your partner already broke up. Either you accept that you broke up and possibly get back together again one day, or accept that you broke up and will never reconcile again. But in most case scenarios, the latter is the realization that surfaces more, hence, MOVE ON and start living again.