Is this normal?

[RedAngl19]

I get right to the point... my guy and I only have sex about once a week. I always thought that guys wanted sex all the time, but that's not the case for me. I've always liked sex. I would enjoy having sex atleast once a day. Of course that was before I got turned down so many times by my bf.

His excuse? That if you have sex too often, it will become old and it won't be the same, spotaneous is best. That alone was just f'ed up to me, but whatever. I have become accustomed to the once a week thing. But it's usually him that comes to me now. I used to be the forward one, but no more.

Was I wrong about guys or is he full of it?

And one more thing ... a couple of days ago I was feeling kind of... you know... so when he got in bed I started playing with him, but no matter how hard I tried, he didn't get ... hard. This worries me because as long as we've been together, the only time he can't get hard is if he has recently "achieved," and we hadn't had sex in a few days. I shouldn't worry because he never does anything but play on his computer every chance he gets. And we work together. The only time we're apart is when he goes to his night job. I trust him,but there's the nagging feeling. Oh well.

What do you guys think?

[Crunor]

He didn't get hard? What exactly were you doing? Sex will only get boring if you want it to be, there's many things you can do/change.

[King Zarathu]

Heh.. I remember you..


Did you try blowing his flacidness?

[RedAngl19]

Heh.. I remember you..


Did you try blowing his flacidness?

No, I didn't. Here's what happened. He had his back to me so I spooned with him and reached around to play with him. He said with a laugh... what got into you... Then he turned around and started ( I hate using this phrase cause it sounds so immature) fingering me. I kept reaching for him, but he kept moving my hand. Finally I gave up, stopped him and said it was ok. He apologized and hugged me, then I got up. Aaand that was that.

I know he's not cheating because he just has no time, plus I know for a fact he loves me. Maybe he's just jerking off. Which also bugs me because we only have sex ONCE A WEEK. I think that's just cruel.

Any advice?

[Crunor]

Tell him that you really like sex, and you're willing to try new things to spice it up. I can't really imagine a guy turning down a sex invitation, unless you're not physically atractive for him (don't take offense here). Maybe try some sexy outfits or be more agressive with him.

[vashti]

He is having problems achieving an erection - this is not about YOU; it is HIS problem. I suspect his "don't want it to get boring" thing is his way of trying to keep you from figuring out he has a problem. This is a fairly common issue - he might want to see a doctor about correcting it.

Word of caution - assuming he is about your age, he is starting downhill with regards to sexual interest. Men generally peak in their early to mid 20s. Things will get worse if he doesn't try to fix this.

[NeoSeminole]

wow, there are so many guys out there who would love to find a woman who wants sex everyday but you are with a man who wants it once a week. What a waste.

[Ellynn]

Yeah, it sounds to me like you both are on a different page when it comes to sex.

You should talk to him about this. Maybe he does honestly have a problem, or hes feeling stressed etc. I'm shocked hes turning you down. Usually theres a reason, and its not necessarily you.

[King Zarathu]

Even LaVey said that people should be sexually compatible >.>

[mini696]

I dont see what his problem is. You can still have spontainious sex every day or two... If I had a GF make heself available to me I would take advantage of it.

[daletom]

First of all, stay away from things that can only aggravate the problem. Even if he WAS getting sex from somebody else I don't think the symptoms would look like this. I can't point you to an authoritative source off hand, but I think most guys in their mid 20's can repeat the erection-orgasm-ejaculation sequence within an hour or so, regardless of how good the first time was.

And don't harp on his lack of response. The bedroom is definitely NOT the place to discuss it, either before or after the fact.

Now I certainly commend you for taking things into your own hands. If it's successful, enjoy it - without making a big deal out of the fact that it was the first time in a week (or two, or three, ...). If it doesn't work, don't make a big deal out of it. At least enjoy the intimacy and cuddle-time. Let the encounter be enjoyable for what it is - don't make remarks like, "That's OK honey." or "Next time will be better.".

If you can do it without being demanding, accusatory, or pouting, ask if he'd like to help relieve your frustration with a finger, tongue, hump against his knee, or just hold you while you take care of yourself. (For some guys just being with a girl like this will turn him from a passive accomplice to an active perpetrator.)

None of this really tells you what the problem is. The "don't want it to get boring" line is a cop-out. Even if the sex IS boring, it's the most pleasant manifestation of boredom I can imagine. It could be something in his basic physiology. Or, an endless list of life situations could be nagging him to the point of sapping his sexual energy: He just got promoted; He just got turned down for promotion; He'd like a bigger house; The house is too big and demanding; His family lives too close; His family is too far away; Commuting 90 min each way is too physically and mentally demanding; Commuting 3 blocks doesn't keep enough separation between home and work; etc. There's a good chance that even HE doesn't really know what's bugging him.

I can't tell for sure from your mention of the "night job" - is he trying to work TWO jobs??? Honey, that in itself is more than most guys can do (for more than a month or two) and still carry on a really active sex life - at ANY age! The two of you may need to re-examine the economics of your household if you expect to have truly satisfying bedroom romps. Also, he may be sleep deprived. Many people who work overnight jobs have difficulty getting the quality of rest they need during the day, simply because of all the activity around them when they're trying to sleep.

I hope there's something useful for you here!

[TAVS]

Busyness and Tiredness are often reasons for lack of sex. Not necessarily good ones; but I've found that to be the case.

[RedAngl19]

Hey, thanks guys. There's been a breakthrough, unfortunately not a good one. But I'll get to that. I wanna say some stuff first.

Daletom, sorry to say, but this has been going on way before he got the second job. And I'm not patronizing or rude to him about it. As I've said before, I'm used to the whole once a week thing. I will admit though, that I never really initiate anymore, but you can only get rejected so many times before you lose your nerve.

Anyway, there's a lot to this, but last night I came home and he apologized for reverting back to the way he used to be, staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning on his laptop and spending no time with me. I plain asked him if he was cheating and he denied it. I never believed he was anyway. But I had a feeling he was jerking off so I asked him that, and he didn't deny it. I was pissed. And here's why...

It's been over a month since we had sex and I had an orgasm. The week after that, I gave him a hand job. The week after that, we had sex, but only he finished. He said I'd get mine that night, but it never came. The week after that, I gave him a blow job. The following week was the whole flacid incident. And as long as I have been with him, the only time he can't get it up is if he's recently cum. So, as you see, I have been damn good to him. I think I had a right to get pissed off about the fact that he's jerking off (a couple of times, according to him). I mean, come on. If I was the type of girl that was constantly saying no to him, I would understand. But I'm not, I please him and I'm here ready and willing.

Tell me, I'm in the wrong. Needless to say, we haven't talked much since then. I don't know what to do. I feel so humiliated. Like he's not attracted to me anymore, or he simply sees me as a live in booty call.

Somebody please cheer me or give me some advice. This sucks so bad.

[vashti]

He would rather wank alone than have sex with you? uhh, I don't even know what to say! If there is no REALLY GOOD explanataion, sorry to say I would drop him like a hot potato. Immediately.

[blue toxin]

My buddy was in a similar situation, and to my surprise he spilled the details with me. He just needed somebody to talk to, I guess.

He was 20, dating this 18 year old girl. She was drop dead gorgeous, I mean she could of easily passed to be a Playboy model or something. She was without a doubt the type of girl you looked at and went: WOW! But he said with her and her only, he had trouble "getting it up" for some reason.

He went to a doctor and everything, got on medication, etc. I'm taking a COMPLETE stab in the dark, but maybe it's possible that your boyfriend is having trouble maintaining an erection for whatever reason and he's just embarrassed to bring it up to you. I mean, if I were female, and I couldn't get my man up, I'd think a little lower of myself, so maybe he's trying to prevent that by just saying he doesn't want to have sex that often?

Just throwing ideas out here...