In Love, confused & hopeless

[JamesTH]

This is my 1st post but here goes:

About a year ago I met my soul mate, we hit it off and were totally into each other. We spent on average 2-3 times a week together........she has a 6yr old daughter and the both of us have a crazy work schedule. I am totally in love with this woman and I know she is with me........I can see it in her eyes when she says "I love U".

Now when we met I knew she was living a man that was her ex. he has played the role of "surrogate" father for her daughter since she was born. The bilogical father up and left. As our relationship grew we were spend more and more time together and we were discussing living together & marriage this was about 6 months ago. I have met her daughter a couple of times but she is very guarded on this subject since she was afraid that her daughter would talk about me around him and he would kick her out before she left.

Now she goes on vacation 2 weeks ago to catch-up with her friends that she grew up with. Everything was fine, we spend time toger before she left and had plans on looking at some places when she gets back. She calls me when she gets there and texts me that she loved me 3 days into the trip. Now 7 days after the text no communication whatsoever, not even any response to my texts or calls. Then 2 days go by the date she was supposed to get back and not contact, so I call her mom and find out she came back a day late and it was very late at night. She finally calls me the next day and leaves a message. I call back and nothing.........so I get a text at 1:30am that morning and call her immediately. She is drunk and I ask her what is wrong........since we always call or text each other daily at least 2x's. She says that she loves me but is not sure if she can go through with living together. She is afraid to break my heart, she sees how well the other guy treats her daughter and feels that she will want to go back to him based on that. Mind you he mentally abuses her but not her daughter, she also states that she does not love him.

What and why is this happening now? Why would someone want to go back to an individual that they do not love and leave someone that they love that is willing to give them the world or die trying?

[Ellynn]

You wanna know why? She's thinking of her daughter before herself. You can't blame her for that, in fact I think thats awesome.

But, the sad thing is that she may not every be completely happy herself with him. She does deserve to be happy and to be with someone she truly loves, but to me it sounds like shes just not ready for anything big commitment wise. She's scared. She doesn't want to lose the guy who is like a father to her daughter if she ends up with you. Why? Because she's afraid the guy will abandon her daughter if she moves in with you, and her daughter might not be able to handle that. I think she will feel forever guilty if that happens.

You cannot push her to make any decisions. I mean, she obviously has made a decison and you have to respect that. If she changes her mind then thats great. But I wouldn't wait around for that to happen.