Girl persues relationship, then totally changes up on me....

[ZG123]

Long story short, been talking/seeing a girl from work for around 3 months. Im 25 and shes 22. We have had sex and everything was great. At first I told her we should keep things not serious, but she would always drop hints that she wanted to be more serious and joke around about how I only gave her 1 day a week. WEll, about 2 weeks ago we had a convo about how I really do like her and would like to be serious, everything was fine and we were both happy with the conversation. Then, in less than a week she started saying she didnt want to feel pressured and that she all of a sudden couldnt be in a relationship because she has to work things out in her own life. She broke up with her ex about 7 months ago, the guy basically bought and engagment ring and then dumped her. Shes mentioned shes scared to get hurt again and she wants to stop associating all guys with her bad experiences.

We went from seeing eachother atleast once a week to us hanging out once in the last 2 weeks or so. She sends mixed signals telling me Im perfect, so hot, awesome in bed and that if she had a boyfriend it would be me. But she isnt persuing doing anything with me anymore, its always me now. I have backed off in the last week and stopped calling and texting as much to give her some space and make her start to "miss" me. She said she wants to take things slow and doesnt want to lose what he have because she told herself not to get in a relationship she doesnt see going anywhere ever again.

I used to be able to call her whenever and not feel worried that I was gonna get blown off or turned down to do something. Now, Im scared to even call and ask to do something and its driving me nuts.

My question, what would make a girl who seemed totally head over heels for you and persued the relationship first, and then when I agree to it she totally turns it around?

[Ellynn]

She's scared. Plain and simple. I mean its something she probably wanted from you, but when you agreed to it, she got scared! She doesn't want the past to repeat itself. Its unfair to you really mainly because you are not like all the other guys. But, she doesn't know that yet. Give her space and time if you really want to. See what happens. Its about all you can do. Oh yeah, and if she comes around, just keep reassuring her that you want to give things a shot whenever she's ready.

[ZG123]

I hope you are right about it her just being scared, cuz we can work past that. Its just, she hasnt been giving me the oppurtunity to show her Im legit. Weve had several convos where shes confirmed her feelings for me since then. Shes kinda hot and cold though. Yesterday at work, when she looked outside and saw that I parked by her, she sent me a text saying "You parked by me ". Today, very short and cold texts.

[bluesummer]

I would just let it be.......keep it cool, be friends. If she wants more, she'll make it obvious in time.

[Tiay]

I agree with Ellynn.

(edit for oopsie)

[blackiesharley]

I think Ellynn is right on the money. I'm going through sort of the same thing with my current lady, although we're trying to work through it, abiet slowly.

Give her space, let her come to you, hard as it may be. I know it is for me.

Girls answer me this. Why do they get scared and run? They seem to want a great guy but when they get one they run and hide? Here's a perfect example, an email I received from someone who I was crazy about last year and then disappeared: (She wrote me first last week and I responded.)

================================================== =
It`s good to hear from back you and I am glad you wrote me back. I have missed talking to you so much. I have felt bad too about the way things were left and so many times I wanted to talk to you. We did get close real quick and I think it scared me. It wasn`t your fault, all mine. And don`t be silly about being too old. LOL! Age is just a number.
================================================== =



?????????????????????????????????????????????

[Junket]

Yeah, but don't wait around for her, start lookin' elsewhere.

And make that obvious to her just to spite her.

It'll be fun in a mean sadistic kind of way.

[ZG123]

Little update. So a few days ago we are talking on the phone and she says that she wants to get a place and I should move in with her. I didnt take it too serious and just joked about how if she lived alone she would die cuz she doesnt know how to cook. The next day my curiousty got the best of me, so I texted her and asked if she was serious about it. She said yes she was. I asked if I was her only available option for someone to live with, or was I her preferred option, she said preferred.

Then, an hour later, randomly I get a text that says " I got scared".

Heres how the texts went:

Her: I got scared
Me: Bout what?
Her: You. I dont want you to get scared but I caught myself...
Me: Caught yourself doing what?
Her: Falling in love with you.

So basically, in two days she says she would liek to get a place with me and admits shes been pulling back over the last two weeks because she got scared and didnt think she was gonna fall for me like this.

Fast forward to this weekend. She asks me on Friday if I want to go to the beach with her, I say ya. So I call her Sunday morning and its kinda crappy out so I say why dont you just come over my house and we will chill and wait to see if it gets sunny and she says she will call me back after she gets showered and does a few things around the house and she will come over. So I wait about 2 hours and call her to see whats going on, and shes out running errands. I say ok, well, are you gonna come over or what to which she says "Ill call you after Im done". I ask when she thinks she'll be done just so Im not sitting around with no idea when to expect to do something, again, she just says "I have no idea but Ill call you after Im done".

Well, she never called, never came over, nothing. So she totally blew me off and on top of that didnt even call to say sorry or give any type of excuse or explanation. This is the type of behavior I dont understand, how can you say you are falling for someone and want to get a place with them, but you blow them off like this? I have to see her at work today and probably will not even acknowledge her. Her birthdays tommorow and I already have flowers coming to work and now I dont even know if I want to, I feel pissed and confused.

[BlackiesHD]

Well, I guess Ellynn was right. They run out of fear. Your's has admitted it and so has mine.

I haven't heard from her since Friday but all last week (after our holiday together) the phone calls were wonderful. I thought I had it made. Now...radio silence, just like your situation.

I am pissed, confussed, and depressed. I haven't called her since I left a message Friday night. If she wants 'space', I'll give her 'space.' The ball is in her court. Nothing more I can do, let her think.

And what pisses me off the most? She has said 'What if this doesn't work out? I can't handle another hurt.'

Well the way I see it is that the one sure-fire to make it NOT work is to run off scared and not give it a try. But that's just me.

[ZG123]

Well, I guess Ellynn was right. They run out of fear. Your's has admitted it and so has mine.

I haven't heard from her since Friday but all last week (after our holiday together) the phone calls were wonderful. I thought I had it made. Now...radio silence, just like your situation.

I am pissed, confussed, and depressed. I haven't called her since I left a message Friday night. If she wants 'space', I'll give her 'space.' The ball is in her court. Nothing more I can do, let her think.

And what pisses me off the most? She has said 'What if this doesn't work out? I can't handle another hurt.'

Well the way I see it is that the one sure-fire to make it NOT work is to run off scared and not give it a try. But that's just me.

Shit sucks bro, I dont get it, sounds pretty similar to my sitution...the phrase "actions speak louder than words" applys to our situtations very well. Dont say something but act completly different.

[Gigabitch]

All her fears aside, what is wrong with her manners? Is she trying to insult you so you'll end it? I'm almost ready to say you should oblige her.

I understand feeling scared, believe me, I do, but who the hell does she think she is, dicking you around this way?

You have to draw a line. When somebody wastes your time, they're disrespecting you.

Don't move in with her.

[BlackiesHD]

All her fears aside, what is wrong with her manners? Is she trying to insult you so you'll end it? I'm almost ready to say you should oblige her.

I understand feeling scared, believe me, I do, but who the hell does she think she is, dicking you around this way?

You have to draw a line. When somebody wastes your time, they're disrespecting you.

Don't move in with her.

Although I agree with you totally Gigabitch (I usually do) I think it's the not knowing that is driving both of us guys crazy. If they don't want us, fine and if they don't someone else will, but when they dangle us along like this, out of their 'fear' or not it's not healthy.

I received an early morning message from mine wanting to tell me how her first day at the new job went. Called her back, spoke for awhile and I asked her if we were still on for this weekend. 'Why do you have plans?' she asked. I said 'Well, yes and no.' I don't know if she meant that as an easy way out or as a concern. I'm guessing concern.

Now I'm sitting here 'on hold' waiting to hear about her kids friends B-day party schedule as to whether or not we're on. I'd love to say 'Sorry, I'm busy' but damn it, I want to see her. By all logic, this is becoming far more grief than it's worth, I should probably just go out and meet somebody new. It's not all that hard to do.

Then I've said that for three months now...

[Gigabitch]

Now, now, I'm not saying he should definitely chuck her at once, but he might let her know that the threat is there. She's running hot & cold with him, and he sounds like he's just minding his own business, trying to be a good bf, although, how can we know?

Alright, ZG123, what do you say? Are you being a rock she can cling to in her emotional storm or are you feeding her drama?

[ZG123]

I feed her no drama at all. Ive been trying to play it cool and not activly talk about a relationship, and also I let her initiate all text exchanges usually. You are right Gigabitch, its very hot and cold.

Today I sent her awesome roses to work for her birthday, shes been hinting for a few weeks now she was getting jealous of other people getting them , I planned all along to send them on her birthday. When she got them she sent me texts immediately saying she loved them. I asked if she new they were gonna be from me right away and she said that "she hoped that they were".

Tommorow, I took a vacation day just to hang out with her because she worked all day on her birthday and tommorow is her regular day off. She definitly said that shes down for it, if she finds some excuse or something randomly comes up, Im gonna take it as a sign that shes trying to blow me off intentionally so that I give up. Ive been thinking that could be a possiblitly, but her going out of her way to say certain things makes me think...why would someone say or do this if they were trying to make someone stop persuing? So confused.


P.S. On Monday I totally ignored her at work, usually I walk by her and smile. She sent me a text saying she was sorry about Sunday and she ended up having to help her grandparents move. I said apology accepted but a call would have been nice. I understand things come up, every damn time it seems with this girl, but at least have the respect to call someone and let them no whats going on. Luckily, I just bought a street bike and worked on that for a big portion of the night or I would have gone crazy because I refused to break down and call her...

[ZG123]

Although I agree with you totally Gigabitch (I usually do) I think it's the not knowing that is driving both of us guys crazy. If they don't want us, fine and if they don't someone else will, but when they dangle us along like this, out of their 'fear' or not it's not healthy.
:

Agreed. And Im honestly not trying to sound "cool", but I really have no problem meeting women. Its honestly very easy when I go out, so its not like Im some pathetic guy who cant get a girl, I just legitimately dont want any other girl. My mind is telling me that logically, I shouldnt put up with this and I should go out and meet other girls, but my heart tells me this is the most awesome girl Ive ever met....