Is he cheating?

[alt218]

Last year, my bf went to a concert with his older sister and a few of her friends from work. Well he talked about this girl ashley that was there but i didnt think anything of it. This past christmas he admitted to me that he had a thing for her. i asked him if he wanted to be with her and he told me he was completely committed to me. So i didnt worry about it until about two weeks ago when he was showing me his call list on his cell phone because some number had called and he was curious if i knew it. i saw her name on his outgoing list. So after he left the room i looked at his outgoing, incoming, and missed calls lists and she was on there a lot. the call times were sometimes an hour or more. so i brought it to his attention and he tried to play it off but ended up telling me that he talks to her all the time on the phone and also on im. it hurts because i trust him and things in the past have made it hard to trust at all. now i find out that he has been talking to her all along and now i see myself as a fool. i talked to his sister about it because we are very close and she is shocked because this girl has tried to get really close since the concert and she never really thought about it when ashley would bring my bf up. but now she is also a little suspicious...is he cheating? help! because i dont know what to do. if he is, i want to know so i can get out of this relationship...i just cant believe how stupid i might have been. help!!!!

[Ellynn]

Well honestly, since he confessed he had a thing for her and it seems like she has a thing for him, and he calls her all the time and vice versa, its possible.

But, you cannot jump to any conclusions until you actually talk to him again. I would definately be suspicious though.

Talk to him again. Ask him whats up with him calling her etc? Also bring up the fact that he TOLD you he had a thing for her. Then tell him to make up his mind. Either stay with you and cease contact with her, or Go be with her.

He might claim its unfair of you to tell him who he can and cannot talk to, but let him know how it makes YOU feel when he does talk to her. If he really does love you and care about you, he will keep your feelings in mind.

[bluesummer]

You need to sit your bf down for a serious no-drama discussion about this.

You need to tell him what you know and then ask him WHY he is talking to her so much, and also make it clear that it makes you uncomfortable. Tell him to let you know if he's interested in this girl........if he is, he needs to let you go to move on with your life (you don't appreciate mind games). If he's not, he needs to restrict the excessive time spent talking to this girl because its damaging your relationship. If he's not willing to do that, I think you need to evaluate whether or not it's worth it to stay with him.

[alt218]

i reminded him that he told me back around christmas that he had a thing for her and he denies ever saying that..so that right there makes me nervous...im not stupid...and when i said i didnt like him talking to her he said it wasnt right that i tell him who to or not to talk to..but i wouldnt be able to do this if the roles were reversed...

[Gigabitch]

He might actually think that whatever he does is okay with you because he told you about her. Be clear.

[bluesummer]

Yeah, I agree with Giga. He may think "Well, I told her that I was interested in her, so she shouldn't be suprised I talk to her as a friend."

Problem becomes when it crosses the friendship boundary.

[Ellynn]

He might actually think that whatever he does is okay with you because he told you about her. Be clear.

Yeah, be CLEAR about how YOU feel about him talking to her! Put your foot down! If he doesn't respect your feelings, then move on.

[Ellynn]

but i wouldnt be able to do this if the roles were reversed...

Does this mean that if you had a thing for another guy but you never acted on it and your bf was jealous because he knew about it, that you would still keep talking to the other guy? I mean if you were in that situation, wouldn't you at least look at how your bf is feeling and agree to cut back or at least stop talking to this other guy?