Need advice please

[enivel]

I am a 24-year old male. I have dated a 31-year old for the last year, until last week. We were always very close, somewhere between friendship and love, and have always been attracted to each other. She has two daughters.

She asked me many times what my plans were for the future, and I was always hontest with her because I didn't know. We had basically been living together because I was always over there. We didn't communicate well in the conversations, mostly because I just couldn't decide. She broke up with me last week and told me she just felt she couldn't tell me that she loves me, because all the times I couldn't commit to her, and how a little part of her died every time. She told me that things can't go on, and that she can't give me her whole heart anymore.

After feeling the anguish of losing her I knew that I did want to be with her, and if I was forced to decide I would commit. I was very emotional last week and told her I loved her and begged for a second chance. I was very persistent, trying to do things that I hadn't done well in the past such as being with her children (who don't really care much about who she dates.) I told her I will put more effort into our relationship, because honestly I just didn't understand what I had or what I wanted until I lost it. We went out a few times and talked a lot, and she talked about why she was unhappy, and things have settled down too much. She told me she doesn't know if she will give me another chance but she'll think about it and get back to me in a week, but then she called me the next day... so she asked for space to decide.

I sent her flowers today at work and told her I am a fool, but a fool that learns and never forgets. I also had told her last week that I wanted to take her and the girls out for ice cream, so I left her a message and told her to tell me if that would be okay. I am giving her space, but I also want to continue showing her who I am and what she means to me.

My question is: do you think she can ever feel for me again? She says she does not love me now, but I know she feels a lot and is attracted to me. She has just shut down because she didn't want to get hurt, and time has kind made her grow further from me. She is not seeing anyone else right now. I really want to surprise her and her girls tomorrow night and take them to a baseball game; last week she said she didn't want me around, but when I did show up we had so much fun and she told me she was glad I came... so that is why I think it is better to be proactive then just sitting around waiting.

[Gigabitch]

I have a hard time taking you seriously, and you've never even disappointed me. I think you should let her go so she can find someone who is more enthusiastic about her.

[Ellynn]

Shes being cautious. You can't blame her. I mean she wants someone who wants a commitment. She is a mother, she has her two daughters to think about. Plus shes in her early 30s and wants to settle down, who can blame her?
Honestly I think your still unsure about what you want, but only that you want to be with her for now. Thats pretty normal for a 24 yr old, because I myself am the same age. I know what I want in the future, but do i want it right now? The answer is no. Your still young, and its a big responsibility to commit to a person, let alone 3. I mean you do realize that once you commit to her, you are gonna be saying that your gonna be there for her and her daughters. I hope you you have really thought that thru...and thought about what you really want RIGHT NOW.

Because you suddenly changed your mind about commitment with her, shes probably wondering why. Sure you love her etc and want to be with her, but shes probably afraid that once you get her back, your not gonna want to commit much further then you already have...or maybe not even at all. Talk is cheap. Anyone can say something, but its actions that really speak the loudest.

When she asks for space, give her space. Don't try to get around that. You really do need to think about if you can imagine commiting to her and marrying her, and how you will feel in the future before you do anything hastey. If you can see yourself doing all this, then let her know you still want to be with her. Then tell her when she is ready, to let you know.

[enivel]

I have a hard time taking you seriously, and you've never even disappointed me. I think you should let her go so she can find someone who is more enthusiastic about her.

When I say I wouldn't commit, it's not like I've been a deadbeat. I've always been there for her, and she has for me. I've never seen anyone else or done anything cruel to her. I have given her a lot. I just feel so much regret right now, but people can change. I thought she was okay with the way things were, but I guess she never felt secure.

[Gigabitch]

Nope, she didn't. I'm a single mom in my thirties, and I wouldn't touch that situation with a 10-foot pole.

[enivel]

Nope, she didn't. I'm a single mom in my thirties, and I wouldn't touch that situation with a 10-foot pole.

The sad thing is I do understand what you are saying. But I am a good person, I have always been good to her and made her happy. Sometimes you need to be sure about what you want because committment is a huge thing. But the fact is that I do know what I feel and what I can offer her if she still wants that. Sometimes when you lose something you realize what you had and what you would do differently the next time. I want her to be happy and I don't think she will give me a second chance. All I know is that if I could go back in time knowing what I know now, I would, but I can't. I know that reason will tell her not to, and probably that is better for her anyway. I just miss her so much and would do anything to be back with her and make her happy, and I've thought a lot about my future, and I know now that I could truly be committed to her. I'm not asking her to give herself to me again, just to allow me to try, that she won't be wasting her time. I really have changed, but maybe you are right, there is no way to convince her.

[Gigabitch]

Does a commitment to her include a commitment to the kids? The whole thing sounds like it might be a little iffy. I see potential for at least two people, possibly four, getting hurt. Tread lightly, and make sure you mean everything you say, okay?