First Breakup

[SWLR]

She was my first proper girlfriend. I've known her for about four years as friends and we've always been close. We got together at the beginning of last year and have been so happy together.

Recently it started to go downhill. I noticed a difference in the way she spoke to me and acted towards me.

At the weekend she called me and told me that she doesn't want a boyfriend at the moment. She says she is under a lot of stress and she thinks it is unfair to take it out on me, and she wants some space.

To be honest I think its an excuse just to ditch me...

A couple of days later I spoke to her on the computer. She told me she still loves me and that she does want to be with me... She just wants time

I'm really confused, I don't know what to think or what to do...

I made a suggestion to her... That we cut all communication from each other to give each other some space. I'm not sure if its a good idea or not. I'm worried it'll push us further apart... I said I'll contact her when I'm ready... It's been three days and it's already driving me crazy.

I really don't know how to cope with this, I'm clinging on to the small amount of hope that shes has given me.

We're both 17... Yes I know we're young... but it still hurts

Any help would be apprieciated... I know I've got to do this on my own, but it's nice to have someone to talk and listen to

Thanks

[Gigabitch]

I think the best advice I could give you would be to browse around these threads, read some of the terrible stories, and be glad that she's being so gentle with you that you might not be scarred for life by this breakup.

I think she's just sparing your feelings by saying she needs time. Maybe she needs not to break your heart. Let her do what she needs to do.

[blauw]

she says she wants to be with u ...
Clearly she has some stuff on her mind at this time!
Maybe u could listen to her & give her the space... she'll come back when she's ready
Have some faith in her!

[vashti]

Aww, so sad! First loves rarely last. But take heart in knowing that the first time is usually the hardest.

And yes, I think you did the right thing in cutting off contact. Having continual contact with the girl you love (when she doesn't want to have a relationship with you) is like rubbing salt into the wound. It doesn't allow for proper healing.

[thinker]

Very similar thing happened to me...

gf of over a year one day decides to call it quits; got the whole "its not you, its me; i need time to work on ME before working on US, just want to see other people" that yada... we went over 4 months without any comminucation whatsoever... we are now vaguely in touch via email...

anyways what I'm trying to get at is that women are quite different from men in that they constantly re-evaluate the situations they are in. Things might have been going perfectly well; maybe not; anyways some buildup of stress or anxiety most likely caused this decision; in my case, things kindof got a bit edgy and iffy (i can see in retrospect of course, when it happened it was a complete shock to me) and unltimately, yes, ended in a breakup. Aaaaaaanyways, this is not my soap box time for a sob story so I will make my point. My ex also asked me for some time and space just to sort things out; I can't remember the exact details of the situation or the phone call that it happened on, but I know that I gave her a sort of ultimatum; all or nothing at all (as the Sinatra song goes) and well, that ended it. What I can say to YOU is that I very much regret this stupid decision on my part; I know she has been with other guys since then (almost half a year ago) and wish every day I could go back in time and not be such an ass and just give the girl space to breathe; this is my advice... I know, its very frustrating; you are probably thinking what is wrong with you or what the other guy's name is, but honestly, women really just need a bit of breathing room now and then; who knows, this might last a week and then she will be at your feet prasing you for your patience and understanding... All I can offer to this situation is that I took the other road and live to regret every bit of it every day... and I don't want anyone to make the same huge mistake I made in not giving time ans space where it is needed. Best of luck; let me know how things turn out

[SWLR]

I just spoke to her... Well she spoke to me first... over MSN

I didn't know what to say...

Should I tell her I want her back, that I still love her and miss her.

Or would that be a bad idea?

Thanks for your repiles

[Gigabitch]

Do you think that would make her feel guilty and cause her pain? Do you think she wants you back? If she's just saying hello, then just say hello back. If you've already made it clear that you didn't want to break up, she knows. I'm sure she's hurting, too.

Maybe she just wants reassurance that you don't hate her guts.

[SWLR]

We didn't speak for long.. It was just 'Hello... How are you?'

Then she decides she isn't ready to talk to me and blocks me... she didn't tell me this... I found out off her friend

She also told her friend that she misses me and she has just realised it

I guess I need to back off and give her the time she needs...

I'm just worried I've not made it clear I want her back and I don't know how to tell her without making her feel guilty etc

[thinker]

Hmm... yeah she is definitely confused... and unfortunately as much as you probably want to help her, it will most likely only add to the confusion. You are quite right in giving her time and space so she can clear her own mind and make intelligent decisions. Like I said, a very similar thing happened to me, and form MY experience, I would recommend that you just live on as usual; even telling her you want her back and how miserable you are might not be such a hot idea... just let her figure out what SHE wants; unfortunately that is how the world works... we have to do whatevr SHE wants all the time... but honestly thats the only way to go. Sorry this whole thing sucks for you; you will live and learn and be a better person for it though.

[DarkDwarf]

Aww, so sad! First loves rarely last. But take heart in knowing that the first time is usually the hardest.

And yes, I think you did the right thing in cutting off contact. Having continual contact with the girl you love (when she doesn't want to have a relationship with you) is like rubbing salt into the wound. It doesn't allow for proper healing.

Hes absolutely right. (Like always) The first time hurts the most. I would Cut contact with her for about a month. You should get better. If you don't you just need more time.

[vashti]

Hes absolutely right. (Like always) The first time hurts the most. I would Cut contact with her for about a month. You should get better. If you don't you just need more time.

I'm a SHE.

[SWLR]

This girl is confusing me... She contacted me on Sunday night and we had a nice long chat... over MSN

She kept bringing up memories we shared together.. ?

She also said she wants to meet up in about a weeks time to talk

She told me "I think I know what I want now " but wouldn't tell me... she wants to talk to my face...

Anyone have any idea whats going on...? Should I meet up with her, or just cut contact again...?

Thanks in advance for your repiles

[thinker]

Eh, meet up with her this time. Face to face is good; she has some definitive news either way it sounds like, so I don't see any harm in meeting up... as long as you are careful and stand your ground. Ultimately, follow your heart, just make sure your brain is on when you do Good luck!

[vashti]

I think you should follow your head, and ignore yor heart. The brain is more reliable.

[thinker]

I think you should follow your head, and ignore yor heart. The brain is more reliable.

Reliable yes, but would you rather be correct and lonely or take a chance and be happy? The mind can justify ANYTHING, but there is not true happiness or peace without the heart. But what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic Ultimately, they should work in harmony, but for me at least, I find I cannot be truly happy with a decision if my heart is not ocmpletely into it, no matter how it looks on paper.