Advice needed (long story)

[Rhizoid]

Ok lemme take a deep breath...sorry for the long post, but I could REAAAALLLY use your help. I can't sleep at night.

let's get the characters straight:
"My best friend" (simply referred to as that)
"Lea" (my best friend's gf)
"Marie" (The girl I'm enfatuated with...also Lea's best friend)
"Elias" (The guy that Marie is enfatuated with...my competition)

and Rhizoid, as himself.

Important note: We're all in the same university. Elias graduated.

I'm 22 m Lebanon. 1m70, 4th Political Sci at the american uni of beirut.

My best friend has been seeing this girl in Uni, Lea, for 2 years as a friend, now they're dating. during the past year and a half I began hangin out with his and her friends I was introduced to Lea's best friend, Marie (who's also in the same Uni as me). She's a quiet little girl her hobbies are running (track and field team) and reading. It took me time to get hooked to Marie...I met her in summer of 2002...but we didn't see each other much, just an acquaintance. It wasn't until summer of 2003 where I developed feelings for her. June of 2003 to be precise.

My best friend had travelled for a while so he asked me to do him a favor and 'look after' Lea during his absence (so she would'nt see other guys, and we have a good trust with each other). By looking after I mean, call her up and make plans strictly with our circle of friends.

Ok let me say this from now, this post will not end in me sleeping with Lea or something LOL!!

Anyways, Lea, Marie and I all went to the beach with a small group of friends since it was Marie's last day in Lebanon before travelling to Greece for summer vacation...plus she was born and raised there, her father lives there.

I never had the opportunity to talk to Marie...but the moment she got into her bikini, I was absolutely STUNNED. Adorable. While chilling at the seashore alone, thinking in my head "Wow this girl is pretty cool, can't believe I've never noticed her" ......she comes by and sits next to me. We pretty much got to know each other, asked the usual stuff...chit chat, bla bla. I noticed we had quite a bit in common:

to name a few-
We're BOTH Aries
We're BOTH raised in Greece (though we've never crossed paths there)
We're BOTH in political science (though we've never crossed paths in any classes!!)
Generally, we also both have the same taste in music!

I noticed myself very comfortable with her, and thought to myself, she is soooo my type and 'gf material'.

She was leaving the next day. What did I do? On the way back home in the car I casually brought up a conversation about MSN...until I asked "Oh marie, so what'r ur msn address?" and then she asked mine, and actually wrote it down.

Upon dropping her home I wished her well since she was gonna be away until September! From June to September it was all anxiety. Every other hour I'd be checking my MSN...she added me within like a week of her departure....but our first conversation wasn't until August!! And they were interesting ones. Lot's of smileys from her part.

Now here's my OBSTACLE. His name is Elias. Marie has been after Elias for a couple years as well. She has feelings for him, and simply adores him. He USED to never give a shit about her, and told Marie 'just as friends, no relation' - much to her devastation. But she always tried, and went out of her way just to see him. That day at the beach after I dropped her home, she was picked up by someone else, just to spend the evening at Elias' house before she travelled the next day.

Anyways back to my story, by chance, in September my friends organized a trip to Greece and asked if I'd like to tag along. DID I EVER?! And plus I deserved a vacation, been stuck here in Lebanon for ages. Marie was very keen my arrival upon learning of my plans to Greece. I eventually went, and I met up with her and her Greek ex-boyfriend at the beach. Actually she spotted me laying on my stomach dosing off on the sand alone. Taps me on the shoulder and says "Hey there sleepy head!" It was one of the best feelings!!! After 2 months of eagerly waiting for her name to appear on MSN...I finally got to see her in person.

Ever since that vacation we became normal-good friends. Like we've never had intimate phone calls/face-to-face conversations or anything. She knows that I've never been with a girl in my life, but that doesn't bother me.

By October my 'crush' had turned into something else. It was (and still is) complete OBSESSION. I wanted her. I want her now. In fact I wanted like I've never wanted a girl in my life. I'm not talking sexual desires/ambitions...beyond that. I think about her 24/7. I never told anyone about it. Not even my best friend. I didn't want to bother him with anything since he has ALOT of girl problems himself.

Every weekend night, we'd go to a pub Marie and her/my friends. Except I wasn't pickin her up, it was other guys who live closer to her...our houses are an hour's drive so it's a little inconvenient for me to pick her up...although if I were told to, I'm not complaining.


I'd always make sure that I was sitting next to her. Elias would be there, all these other girls would be flirting with him, and I notice she'd be eyeing him out with envy. By that time (i'm talkin just a couple months ago) her situation with him wasn't too good and was feeling down. I know the info between her and elias coz my best friend tells me all the gossip since he's dating Lea.

My feelings for her grew more intense when this one time a friend of her's (a guy) told me, "I spoke to marie on the phone yesterday and we were talking about relationships. I mentioned you and said that you are a great guy to go out with, which she agreed. However, she hates how u have low self-esteem, and that she feels if SHE were to go out with you then SHE would have to take care of you."

The mere fact that she THOUGHT of it, flattered me.

Elias was out of town and out of Marie's life for most of the Christmas vacation, and apparently (again from my sources) Marie claimed to be phasing him out of her system...or at least she claimed to be doing so.

I have NEVER mentioned Elias' name in front of Marie, neither has she in front of me. Elias came back end of December to spend new years with his friends. They and their girlfriends rented out an apartment. My circle of friends did the same...and Marie was supposed to be with us. That was about the time I was thinking of 'popping the question' or at least letting her know I have feelings for her. Marie went completely out of her way just to be with Elias...which she did. During the entire New years party we had, I was just down n out. Even Lea was quite upset at her own best friend. At around 1 am after new years one of Elias' friends was at our place and needed a ride back. He was too drunk to drive his own car so I drove him there...of course with the intention of just saying 'hello' to Marie, coz I REALLY wanted to see her even though I knew I WASN'T going to like what I eventually saw..........................

I opened the door of the apartment and there she was...cuddled in the arms of Elias. Her dream had finally come true...while I stood their, dreams shattered. She got up and wished me a happy new year. I maintained myself, and wished her the same. Then she went and sat back down.

I was devastated. Shocked. I walked outside. Managed to get a ride back to our apartment. Everyone was there drinking and having fun, while I bid everyone goodnight.

I couldn't sleep. I felt like I lost yet another war. I finally opened up to one of my friends (not my best friend) who happens to be close to Marie. I told him pretty much all that's written in this post. He told me to forget it, and that it was my fault I never took initiative- i.e. phonecalls, or while hangin out in Uni take her alone for a coffee - such gestures etc...He also told me that they're about to make it 'official' (like tell everyone that they're goin out)

My problem: My feelings are DORMANT at the moment, but not disposed of. I can't just throw them out the window. I have hope that I'm clinging on to. Something tells me it's not false hope and that in the long run at least...there is a chance. Elias travels for good this summer. So I'm thinking they're both giving each other a chance, since he probably feels he has nothing to lose.

She likes me as a friend. I don't know if I'd be screwing myself over if I all of a sudden confess everything to her and express myself.

I really have this urge to do so. Should I hold on?

Help needed please. This was the WORST new year ever in my life.

Sorry for the looooooong post...hope it's worth it.

[squirrley]

oh man. Similar situation, still undecisive. But tell her, how are you going to know if you dont take the risk. It's worth it to give it a shot. If she doesn't go along or feel the same, at least she knows and will have that with her.

Go for it. Everything happens for a reason...
Some men here may and will totally disagree with me, but it's ok, we're all gonna give advice based on our experiences.
Goodluck to ya!

[lemonade69]

Been there, done that. what can i say? i feel your pain. when i read your post, tears came to my eyes. i think that's what they call empathy. i liked this guy for three years. too scared to tell him...until it was too late i finally did tell him in the end, but received no reply. i can honestly say, i have never been so sad. i'm getting over it...slowly. but i believe i've learnt something though. sometimes, there is nothing to do but to learn and move on. i do strongly advice you speak your mind though, but dont be too hopeful...i hope your outcome will be different to mine...good luck!

[sfalexi]

You may as well tell. You waited too long as it is and the longer you wait, the more serious the other two become. Maybe you can stir up the emotions a little bit and at least make her think hard about one or the other instead of just forgetting all about you. And if she decides to stay with him, well, that's too bad.

I mean, you really shoulda done something much sooner, but it's too late for that. Don't wait any longer.

Alexi

PS - And don't tell her through email or over the phone. When you do it, do it in person. She'll take you much more seriously than if she just reads it.

[IceQueen]

If you ask her out now, she will probably say no as she finally got a chance with Elias. However, their relationship may not last that long as Elias doesn't really like her all that much, and he will travel a lot and they probably won't communicate that much. So you either wait, or you forget about her altogether.

In any case you need her to get over Elias first. Just make sure you don't wait too long.

[Danny_B]

Yeah, everyone here is pretty much saying to tell her, I agree.

Even if she says 'no' she'll still be aware of your feelings and if she does have any feelings for you (although maybe not enough at this time to break up with the guy), you'll still be around when this other guy goes off travelling and it'll give you two the chance to get to know each other 'better'. And those feelings she has for you, no matter how small, may always grow...

You have to get it out your system, deal with whatever she throws back at you, and, if required, get over her and move on... it's easy to get obsessed with someone (especially when it's someone who isn't so easy to get) but you must realise there is so much more out there and as soon as you find someone who fits, all the pain you have right now will quickly fade.

It will, even if you don't think that's possible right now.

But tell her now.

[Rhizoid]

thanks alot for your replies, much appreciated.

I have come to a decision, that is to totally open up to her and get this off my chest once and for all.

And definitely, like sfalexi said, I'll do it face to face "tete a tete" rather than over the phone or thru email.

I've never in my life opened up or expressed my feelings to a girl, and I know after all this time, that this one's surely gonna be understanding (i.e. she's not the type to overreact or freak out!)...whether it goes my way or not is a different story, but I'm kinda accepting heartbreak should that be my final predicament...

I already feel like I've lost now, so if I do it...I have nothing to lose...well except for that little grain of hope that's been lingering inside of me for the past week.