Selfish Guy... give him a chance... or let go?

[PreciousGem]

I've been dating this guy since the beginning of March. We are both dedicated music majors at a University that is far from home for both of us. We had tons of fun together for the remainder of our semester but had to part ways for the summer in May when I moved back home and he decided to stay at school. I didnt think we would experience any problems until weeks went by and our phone conversations started to become dry and the topic of him coming to visit me always seemed to be the center of conversation. I was in the beginnings of renting out a new apartment near campus so I was constantly making trips up there to work on the apartment and to visit him. But he would never make the effort to come visit me back home. I started noticing his selfish ways when I would make a trip up there and make plans with him to visit. He would call me and have some bogus excuse for being extremely late or for even not coming at all. He's a really nice guy and very sincere. I honestly dont think he thinks what he's doing has effect on me. I understand that sometimes things come up, but to him everything seems more important than spending time with me. In July he made plans to finally come visit with me at home. He told me he would work the morning and then be at my house by 1:00. By 4 PM, he hadnt shown up and I started to get worried. I gave him a call and he said he ended up working until 3, then decided to get a last minute hair cut... and he still needed to go by his house to pick up his things. He didnt get to my house until after 7 PM. I was so frustrated with him but he thought it wasnt a very big deal. I made it a big deal when he did almost the exact same thing a month later when my brother got married. He was hours and hours late getting to the hotel because he was busy doing business on eBay. I got very upset with him and he acted like I was getting angry for no reason.

When I finally moved into my apartment near school, we both sat down and had a talk. He procceded to tell me that I acted like he wasnt that important to me during the entire summer. We ended up concluding that night that we would take our relationship day by day and see where it goes. On August 20th, 2 nights after our discussion I was in a horrific car accident 1 block away from my apartment and 2 blocks down where he was having dinner at Taco Bell. A SUV ran a red light and t-boned my little 92 toyota corolla. I had to be cut from the vehicle and rushed to the ER because I had chest trama and possible broken legs. The whole experience has utterly changed my life because the outcome of that accident could have been extremely different.... I could have been killed. Instead I have a chest wall contusion... severe bruising all over my entire body, dislocated ribs, a knee that might require surgery in the coming months, and emotional trauma from the entire experience. His actions throughout this horrific time in my life has really left me heart broken. I held on to my cell phone while being rushed to the ER because I was able to contact my brother before they cut me out of the vehicle. My boyfriend kept calling my phone and when I was finally able to answer it... he didnt even say hey... he started talking about something else. I kept trying to get him to stop talking so I could tell him I was in the ER but it was several minutes before he even realized I was trying to desperately interrupt him. He made it to the ER before I was taken off the backboard but he never looked me in the face or even touched me. I didnt even know he was standing beside me until my brother said he was there. He told my mom he would call her the next morning to see how I was doing and he never did. The rest of the week he called maybe twice and it was so late... I was already knocked out from my pain medication. I finally attempted classes the next week (we have 2 together) and that's the only time I talked to him or saw him was in class. He told everyone in school that I was in an accident but he couldnt even tell them what was exactly wrong because he himself didnt even know. I came to school on crutches and everyone acted surprised because he told them I was fine... just cuts and bruises. I spent the week up at school, but had to come home for the 4 day weekend for my more doctor's visits. I have yet to talk to him.

I dont know what to do... give him a chance or just walk away. I used to need him in my life... but now... I dont even think about him all that much anymore. I'm so worried about myself right now and getting myself put back together that I dont even have the strength to deal with him. Because I know what he's going to say, "you could have called me all this time but you didnt." I was the one in a major car accident... why should I have to be the one to call him to let him know I'M ok? I'm afraid all our friends wont understand where I'm coming from on this decision. I dont even know how to handle the situation anymore.

Sorry for the novel, but I felt it was vital for the background information so you all can see that it has been an ongoing problem. It's sad that it takes me being in a major car accident to see who my real friends are and who cares about me. I just dont know what to do anymore....

PreciousGem

[King Zarathu]

Wow, what a dick. If what you say is 100% true (of course--you're human. Humans don't exaggerate, do they?) then he is a serious dick.

I would leave. End of story.

[Venacava]

Yeah, sorry but I think that I would leave too. He may be nice and what not, but regardless - he's not giving you the attention you deserve or even making half the effort that you seem to be making.
I'm pretty sure I would leave.

[vashti]

Yes - he definitely has established a pattern of thoughtless behavior. I don't think he is mature enough for a serious relationship. Sorry.

[just maibe]

Leave him. You can find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated. Trust me hun, you can do much better. Best of luck

[PreciousGem]

I know I should definitly let go of the relationship... I practically already have. It's telling him that I've let go that I'm worried about. I dont hate him for all of this... I'm just disappointed. I want to still be able to see each other in class and not be bitter. I honestly believe that he thinks that everything is ok between us and that he has done nothing wrong. He's one of those all around nice guys who are absolutely clueless. I'm afraid he'll try to make me feel awful for basically seeing the truth. I have enough stress in my life just trying to get over the accident... and I think it's unfair of him to blame me for our relationship not working out. I'm not saying he will blame me... but knowing him... he probably will.

[King Zarathu]

Get some, and go tell him.

[Junket]

::looks down::

So that's what those are?

[King Zarathu]

Yes, Frasbee. That's exactly what those are.

[Gigabitch]

I know I should definitly let go of the relationship... I practically already have. It's telling him that I've let go that I'm worried about.

Shit, it's getting a word in edgewise that should worry you. Breaking up with him will take three hours, uring which he will talk 95% of the time.

Someday you'll look back on this and thank yourself for breaking up with him. Yes, he's going to be bitter. He'll make it all about Poor Him. Just keep reminding yourself while you're breaking up with him that this will be the last time you're expected to humor him.

[PreciousGem]

Well, I wanted to let all of you know that I got rid of him. And yes it was hard getting a word in edge wise. He insisted that what he was doing was in my best interest. That somehow he knew I didnt want to be bothered by his phone calls and that he wasnt that important to me in the first place so why bother with checking in on me? Does anyone else think that is lame? I mean seriously... he has this habit of assuming that he knows what I want or what I'm thinking... so he acts on those assumptions and they end up being totally out in right field, which only puts him in the dog house. You would think a guy would take the hint and just straight up ask me how I feel or if its important to me to hear from him after being in a life altering car accident. Anyway... I'm a free woman... end of story.

[vashti]

...yeah, I think a lot of guys think they know what women want. They read it in some book by someone named D'Angelo or something.... Silly, as if there is some sort of "formula".

Anyway, he might be a great catch when he grows up. Unfortunately, it looks like you have simply outpaced him in your own development. Oh well. Enjoy your freedom, and come back and post if you need some moral support.

[Gigabitch]

Yay for you! Hopefully, he'll find someone else to pester soon. He sounds like a royal pain in the ass.

Vashti, I think you should write the book "What Real Women Want" and e-publish it right here.

[vashti]

It would be a short read. Something like "women just want you to shut up and rub our feet".

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, baby. Yeah!