Need Help: Relationship problems...

[rock on]

Hey guys, Im in quite a confusing situation right now, and Im in need of some help.

My girlfriend and I are both 17.

Well my girlfriend and i have been together for a little over a year we are in love, and we are hitting problems. For about a month it has seemed like she is changing, she seems to dislike being around me more and more. She starts to snap at almost any little mistake i do, and she has never been like this before. I have asked her about this and she says the relationship seems to be on a decline where she doesnt seem very interested in the relationship anymore. She also said ive been very distant lately, but I only really feel distant when I shut down due to her excessive snapping at me. Are we growing apart?

We talked a lot about this last night and I tryed to learn more from her and the talking didnt seem to help fix anything, it kind of made issues more pronounced. She decided to tell me about how intimate we have been and how it makes her feel. Which she hasnt really decided to tell me ever. We havent had sex or participated in oral sex, and we done everything up to there which I guess would be intense making-out. But she told me that she would enjoy the making out at the time but it would make her feel ashamed hours later. She explained that she felt if her parents wouldnt approve of that (which i guess they wouldnt) she would feel ashamed of that. This kind of throws me through a loop because first, i didnt know she felt that way at all, and second, I dont feel this way at all. I find being passionate as positive and bonding, i never feel ashamed of what i have done because I feel that it is healthy to express feelings like that. I think passion is an important part of a relationship and if she feels negatively about it, then that leaves a big hole in myself. It feels like a compatability issue, that im not sure how to solve, if it even can be solved...

Any help would be great...
Thank you

[vashti]

It DOES sound as though you are growing apart to me, and unless she is a very religious girl, I think the shame over kissing is extremely unusual. If she is feeling bad about such benign behavior, then I think you can project an increase in these sorts of issues in the future, assuming you stay together long enough that sex becomes a factor.

However, I am not sure that she isn't just using this as an excuse for her continual snapping at you.

Again, I think you are simply growing apart.

[rock on]

It DOES sound as though you are growing apart to me, and unless she is a very religious girl, I think the shame over kissing is extremely unusual. If she is feeling bad about such benign behavior, then I think you can project an increase in these sorts of issues in the future, assuming you stay together long enough that sex becomes a factor.

However, I am not sure that she isn't just using this as an excuse for her continual snapping at you.

Again, I think you are simply growing apart.

well its shame over making-out not just kissing...and she hasnt been a "religious" girl she says its just the way she has been brought up (teachings from her parents) that make her feel that way...

[vashti]

Whatever. I still think this is a side issue. The real issue may be guilt over the fact that she is growing distant from you.

[rock on]

yea i know...
I realize that, im not trying to side-step it.
I mean last night, at the end of the conversation, i was about to break up, but she broke down on me and started crying and couldnt go through with it, at least not then...

[Grassy Tussock]

That actually sounds just like what happened to me a few weeks ago. As you may have seen in another thread, I've not got over it... but its best to do what you think is right. If talking isn't solving the problem, just think about what it would be like in 5 or 10 years, when another problem turns up... how would you or her cope?

[Gigabitch]

Aren't most 17-year-old girls a little more independent of their parents than that? I know I was.

She sounds a bit messed up and while it probably has nothing to do with you, it's affecting your relationship. You probably can't help her, but try to figure out what's going on with her before you break up. She sounds stressed out.

[rock on]

oh she is stressed...its senior year for us and we are both taking AP (Avanced Placement) classes. I opted for a challenging senior by giving myself hard classes and so did she. Although Im pretty sure she pointed out that she felt that way about any intense making-out for a while now, way back last school year and during the summer. But of course she didnt make any mention of that at the time. But this still doesnt really explain the gradually getting meaner to me (the snapping at me). I mean, where the hell did it come from? She didnt act that way before. Then she complained that I was being distant, and the only really time i feel like im distancing myself is when she snaps at me and makes me feel like she doesnt want me around. Sometimes it happens like this: I ask "would you rather i leave?" she responds with a "no" then I ask "whats wrong then?" and then she cant tell me because she doesnt know. How am i supposed to know anything that way?

[vashti]

Welcome to the world of females. We are all crazy.

[Gigabitch]

Rock on, are you getting closer to getting into her pants? I broke up with someone in high school because he was trying reeeally hard to get into my pants and I thought that was all he wanted fom me. Maybe this is pissing her off.

[rock on]

but do you think another talk will fix our issues? I can only forsee it happening like it did in my first post, and that was with near break up, so I guess thats what might happen again when I get a chance to talk to her soon... I guess talking about our issues just makes me realize how different we are and that a break up might be better for us...but ugh, its hard to know...

[rock on]

Rock on, are you getting closer to getting into her pants? I broke up with someone in high school because he was trying reeeally hard to get into my pants and I thought that was all he wanted fom me. Maybe this is pissing her off.

no i have completely backed away from any kind of contact such as that; we havent made out in about 2 weeks so; and still she acts that way...(mean/ snapping at me)...