Do I go for it? Or wait til I'm sure I'm ready?

[Star]

I just got out of a hard/abusive relationship that I was in for over 2 years. It was tough but I'm okay! I've been talking to this guy who I've known for about a year now, but we've never really hung out until recently. & he's AMAZING. I love his personality, he's attractive, funny, smart, he's just...great. A few days ago he told me that he really liked me and wanted to have a relationship with me. I told him that I needed time to think about it.

The thing is... I could totally see myself being with him... but in the future... not now. Like I said, I just got out of this other relationship & I'm scared... What if I bring all the insecurities/lack of trust that were built in the pas relationship into this one? I don't think I'm ready to jump into another one right now. Although he's a great guy... I need some time to myself right now. But I'm not sure how to tell him... should I try it out and see how things go? Should I tell him I'm not ready for a relationship right now? And if I do tell him that... do you think he'd wait til I AM ready?

What do I do?

[vashti]

I don't think you are ready for another relationship, or you would certainly NOT be asking yourself these questions.

Just tell him you think he is great, but you need some time to recover from your last relationship so you don't carry any residual baggage into your next relationship. Tell him to ask you again in a few months.

[Gigabitch]

Star, you're going to think I'm being facetious, but I'm not:

Get references. Find out who he dated before and what he was like. Make sure he's not evil. Get to know him MUCH better before you start a relationship with him.

If he's willing to wait for you, he's probably worth your time.

[sudheer]

Very good advice from giga..

But while you are at it, I would infact suggest you to continue seeing him as a freind and maybe meeting up for lunch every other week and so on. As you really enjoy his company, no reason for you to deny that to yourself. It would also help your process of healing and planing on a future with this person.

[King Zarathu]

Star, you're going to think I'm being facetious, but I'm not:

Get references. Find out who he dated before and what he was like. Make sure he's not evil. Get to know him MUCH better before you start a relationship with him.

If he's willing to wait for you, he's probably worth your time.

I would've said the same thing.

See, the thing is, you probably thought that about the abusive guy. It's possible you're attracted to this new guy because of the same reason. Just to remain on the safe side, find out more information.

[Lewski711]

It's always best to go with your gut when you're talking about relationships. Sometimes we want to hold on to something, even if we know we're not ready for it, for fear that it won't be there later.

I think you know the right thing to do. Everyone's saying it. Don't jump into anything until YOU are ready. You can't make a good couple until you make sure you're a good single.

That being said, lett him know that he's the kind of guy for you, that he's what you need when you're ready for a relationship. Tehn tell him that getting together now would really ruin a potentially terrific connection between you two. Let him know that you're not ready yet. Not that you're not ready for him, but for a relationship. Then, don't tell him he's got to stick around to wait for you. Let him know, you would love if he did, but you can't really give him a time frame just yet, and making him wait for you would be unfair to him.

But, be sure to tell him that if HE chose to wait, if you guys could hang out and get to know each other and build a really strong friendship, when the time was right, he'd be the first to know.

And, by the way, if you're great friends first, when you become a couple, you'll be unstoppable.

[KillaJakez]

He may get irritated and you will lose him. I've been in that situation with a girl. She kept telling me to ask her out in a month, and I found someone better. 3 Years later she still msgs me sometimes.

[Rob26]

Well, what did you do?

I just saw this thread or I would have advised going out with him and then telling him some of what you said here. See if he was okay with casual dating for a while.

Was your ex physically abusive?