Has anybody ever dated a clingy chick?

[blue toxin]

Long story short. My relationship of 5 years ended. Still friends, but relationship is over. I have since met a new girl, but I'm not sure if I should go through with it.

Anyway, she's a very honest girl, very open with me, really cool to hang out with, and really enjoys seeing me... something I didnt' see in the last 6 months of my last relationship. But here's the thing. I've seen her the last 3 evenings. Okay cool, had a good time. Today she had to work, and wanted me to come in and visit her in the store (she works at Victoria Secret). I texted her back and was like I want a day to myself so I'm gonna stay home. etc.

The other day we went to a game, and afterwards she wanted me to come over and watch a movie. I told her up front I wasn't feeling good and just wanted some time to myself. The look she gave me made me feel so good. She hugged me and said hey I don't want to push you into anything, so you take whatever time you want. That made me feel good.

So I guess in reality, she seems like the clingy type who knows when to give me space. Know what I mean? I just want some more opinions here.


SECOND THING:


She gets worked up about little things... well maybe they're just little to me. I've had quite a few jobs and in each one had my fair share of asshole managers and supervisors. Well, at Vic Secret she's got snobby wanna-be models which are managers, and she doesn't particularly like them. Everytime I talk to her on the phone, she's worked up about how she doesn't like her managers. Normally she'll vent for a little bit, 20 minutes or so, and we'll get on with another topic of conversation. So... what should I do about this? Should I talk to her and try to show her my way of dealing with problems like this? Because I always think positive, and I honestly believe that if I keep a positive attitude that I am above everything else... so if someone comes to me, like a manager, and bitches at me, sure I may be upset for a minute, but after that I'm fine. I let it go. I ignore it. I move on. I don't complain about it. And I maintain a positive attitude.

So... what should I do, just work with her and help her understand my way of dealing with issues like that?

I mean I don't want to change who she is, but I do want to help her understand my way of dealing with these issues, and I want her to grow from it and understand it. Because, quite frankly, I don't want our topic of conversation EVERY SINGLE DAY to be about how she hates her managers at work.

[vashti]

Lots of women like to "vent" about their frustrations. It can be overwhelming for people who don't want to hear it. However, I see nothing in your post that gives me the impression that she is "clingy". It sounds like she just wants to spend time with you, but handles it relatively well when you want your space.

I should point out that I think it is inappropriate for you to be visiting her when she is working, especially in a store like that. (I hate seeing men in those stores when I am shopping there!) Anyway, she is there to work, not visit (unless you are going to see her during her breaks).

[blue toxin]

Yeah, that's what I said too. I said I'm not going to go in and just stand there and talk to you. I said do you have a break today? And she started counting and said ah shit, I only work 5 hours so I'll get a 15 minute break whenever it gets slow or whenever it suits the managers. I was like, well it'd be different if you KNEW when your break was, then we could grab some coffee. But otherwise, nah...

I mean, I don't really know how to describe it as far as me getting the impression she's clingy. I mean, maybe she's not, and I'm just used to having such a distant girlfriend when my ex was in college and we'd talk/text once a day and see each other once every 3-4 weeks. Now, I've seen this girl the last 3 nights, texted her a couple times a day, and talked to her on aim/phone at least once a day. So maybe it's just overwelming to me because I'm not used to it. But again, maybe that's why I just kinda felt she was clingy, due to the frequency of texts/instant messages/calls/whatever I get from her.

And during one of our more serious conversations we were having online, she did mention to me she's been looking for affection for a long time, and simply couldn't find a guy who was compatible with her. So maybe that's why... she thinks I'm one of the rare opportunities that just popped up in front of her.

I don't know... but I'd be delighted to hear more opinions to stir up some ideas.

[vashti]

You could try setting some boundaries about the frequency of contact, particularly about how often you see each other. A LOT of girls are like vampires who can never get enough time with their men, so I wouldn't blame you for feeling a bit overwhelmed. (Actually a lot of guys are this way, too.) You need to express to her that you have need of X amount of free time. She will either accept that or not...

[King Zarathu]

Tell her, "I don't care." --If you think she'll be able to get over that statement, it should send a message loud and clear that you don't necessarily want to talk about her problems with her managers all the time.

NO!

This is for men. Women aren't capable of handling that shit, especially if there are emotions involved. My cousin and I can say, "K, I don't care. Sorry" to each other, but that's because we're guys and we understand what it's like to hear shit we just don't really care about.

Women, on the other hand....

[blue toxin]

I don't want to be like look I want 2 days a week to myself. I just want to be able to say, yeah I don't wanna do anything, I'm gonna stay home tonight. I'm sure she'd be okay with it. But only time will tell...

Also, how do you crack somebody of a swearing habit? It gets annoying hearing the word **** all the time. She knows I don't like it in most cases and has pretty much cut back, but when she gets fired up about her job she just flies off the handle and I hear **** about 37 times in 5 minutes.

[King Zarathu]

Is it only when she gets worked up about her job?

[vashti]

I don't want to be like look I want 2 days a week to myself. I just want to be able to say, yeah I don't wanna do anything, I'm gonna stay home tonight. I'm sure she'd be okay with it. But only time will tell...

Also, how do you crack somebody of a swearing habit? It gets annoying hearing the word **** all the time. She knows I don't like it in most cases and has pretty much cut back, but when she gets fired up about her job she just flies off the handle and I hear **** about 37 times in 5 minutes.

It sounds like you have some fundamental differences in style. Are you sure this is the right girl for you?

[blue toxin]

Yeah, so far she really only has gotten worked up about her job. She's just frustrated cause she can't find a new job that's more suitable and is stuck in a place she doesn't really want to be in.

Vashti - Don't get me wrong, I like her, I like the feeling of knowing someone WANTS to see me and is setting aside time to see me. That means a lot to me. And it also means a lot to me that she is respectful of space.

It's just a few pet peeves I have. If she didn't drop the F bomb all the time and knew how to deal with work issues a little better, I think we'd be an even better match yet. That's why I'm questioning if it's something worth working at or if I should bail out before we start getting serious and look elsewhere...

[vashti]

I think if you are having thoughts of breaking off with her over these issues, you ought to be discussing them with her.

[blue toxin]

Breaking off? We're not even dating. But with the way things have been going it seems pretty destined that EVENTUALLY we would be dating. I mean, I like her, I want to ask her out sometime, but I'm not sure if I want to. That's why I'm questioning this.

I mean I don't want to say to her hey I wanna take you out but I want you to work on this and this... no. If I were her boyfriend, I'd be in more of a position to talk with her about these things. But right now, being a "friend", no.

[vashti]

Ahh, I see. I thought you were dating. Well, I usually think it is best to take people on an "as is" basis. If you don't care for her all that much "as is", I'd be careful about dating her or spending too much time with her. She might start getting her hopes (and expectations) up.

[blue toxin]

Yeah. I mean, she's a really cool girl, it's just a turn off when people swear all the time. It's very immature to me. I mean if you're in a fit of road rage or pissed off, fine. But I heard her having a casual talk to one of her friends and I was like, what's the purpose of that?

And about my other pet peeve I just didn't want to get involved in this and find out I'm getting calls early in the morning that she's upset and needs someone to talk to. That's fine and all, but if it's always going to be about the same thing then... something's wrong.

Besides that she's a pretty cool girl though.

[King Zarathu]

Ask her out anyway! Then, you can rub it in your ex's face like the mature human being you really are.</SARCASM>

[Junket]

**** dude, I always thought you were a chick.