never been in a relationship... not sure what is happening with a girl atm

[and_for_what]

Hey guys. I found this forum and hopefully I can get a bit of advice or something. If not, typing all this out has helped me anyway.

Background: I'm male, 20, second year of university, and just transferred to a new one. I've never had anything even approaching a "relationship" nor done so much as kissed. Nothing physical at all. I've never actively sought such experiences, and so they just never happened. I'm just very solitary, I guess.

Also relevant, for about a year now I've had essentially no sex drive whatsoever.

Now, I'm not conventionally attractive, you could say. For some reason, recently, a girl seems to have taken some kind of interest in me. She introduced herself first, invited me round, etc. I wouldn't have ever bothered or noticed her if she hadn't said something, to be honest. Now after spending time with her, I find myself increasingly interested, in her life and what she's about and all that. Somehow, this is completely removed from anything sexual. It's perhaps encouraging that m-f attraction can exist without that factor. I'm almost angry that she invades my thoughts so much, when it was she who initiated it all. She has infected me somehow, without my permission. I'm positive that I am more concerned about the situation than her, and am thinking about it all more than she is.

If she hadn't have spoken to me then, I'd have happily just sat there (in a lecture) and left, and forget who was next to me that day.

I said that she has taken "some kind of interest" as I really don't know whats going on. She seems happy enough to accept my offers of spending time together etc... but, I can't tell what she's thinking about it all. It may well be that she's just being friendly and finds me a bit of a novelty, since I am new to the university. Maybe just being nice to the new guy.

I asked if she'd like to come round last night (thursday), she accepted, we just kind of listened to music, cooked, ate, etc. At about 11pm she suggested she better go home, but there was a (maybe imagined) pause she left, with strong eye contact - perhaps wondering if I would ask her to stay? Well, I wasn't about to do that, anyway - so I said ok and we went to her house, which she entered with no hanging around. Also saying "see you on Monday then", not suggesting or expecting that we would meet before then. I said that maybe we could do something at the weekend, and she said we could.. but, I doubt it will happen much.

Last night I think she left with the impression that I'm fairly disinterested. Maybe she is as confused as I am, expecting me to be all trying to kiss her and shit like that. If I had to bet on it though, I think if I had done so yesterday, she wouldn't have minded. There seemed to be some moments when I could have. But, I really have no confidence in my ability to interpret her. There was no physical closeness or spoken indications of how we felt. I was pretty tired, not very excited about stuff, and certainly not "horny" or whatever.

Now, she is *ridiculously* beautiful, too. Which makes me more suspect of her "motives". It's almost embaressing to be with her, as it seems so unreasonable. Like others must realise that its a joke. Sure, its possible she finds me interesting or whatever, and I'd like to believe it, but I can't just yet.

I've noticed also that increasingly she seems to be leaving it to me to ask to do things or just hang around etc. Or if she says shes going home now (from uni).. if I say alright, she will go. But if I suggest that maybe she stay a bit longer, she will do so. By the look on her face at such times, I would interpret that she gets a kick out of having me (or anyone else) show interest like that, and ask for her company. So it may be a very non-specific (i.e. not just with me) desire to hear "I want you" or equivalents. And I am providing that currently.

I'm wary of appearing too eager to spend time with her, since I don't want to come accross like that. Things like finding her to sit next to in lectures, is definately out. It would seem very odd. But at the same time, I realise i'm hardly being very "alpha-male" about all this. It would be no good for me to pretend to be like that, anyway.

What do I want? Well, I don't know really. Like I said, I've never been in a relationship at all. Im 20, maybe its about time I tried that? It must be at least an interesting experience. I feel very comfortable with her, right from the start infact. Like we had known each other for longer. We seem close to the "same wavelength" in talking, understand what the other is saying. If I was going to have a "girlfriend", whatever that is, I'd be very lucky for it to be her.

Currently I very much want to take it further and get to know her more. Which means spending more time with each other. If, after a while, I start to find her irritating or whatever, then thats fine. Thats what one does, I guess - spend time with people, and adjust that according to how much you like them, posibly cutting it down to zero.

Hopefully I can find her today (I don't have a phone and she is rarely online) because I think we need to talk. I will try to ask fairly plainly, what is going on. What she is thinking, etc. It feels maybe like I'm losing her interest, and we have "peaked" already. Then I can go back to knowing no-one on my course. In a way this feels like the only "chance " I will have for a _long_ time. I've already gone further here than ever before, and exposed myself more than I quite feel comfortable with. I'm not even considering what physical things might come, thats going to be a while off yet. I think that if she tried to intiate something currently, I'd try to gently turn it down. It wouldn't seem right to go ahead without being clear on wtf she and I want from each other.

Well, that helped *me* anyway. Typing it all out. Thanks for reading it all. A bit rambling and maybe boring, but I guess you guys are here because you like this stuff, heh.

Thanks

[Tiay]

ah, you sound like one of those withdrawn introvert guys who focus only on studying? Which is not meant to be an insult at all, btw. Yeah, I think it's okay to just ask her straight out whats going on.. though try not be too cold, like "we have to talk; what do you want?" and more like "hey, what's up? I've been thinking about this.. and I need to know where we're going/what your feelings are/etc". get the idea? I'd be good to tell her your side of it too, not just interrogate her.
keep us posted please

[and_for_what]

ah, you sound like one of those withdrawn introvert guys who focus only on studying? Which is not meant to be an insult at all, btw. Yeah, I think it's okay to just ask her straight out whats going on.. though try not be too cold, like "we have to talk; what do you want?" and more like "hey, what's up? I've been thinking about this.. and I need to know where we're going/what your feelings are/etc". get the idea? I'd be good to tell her your side of it too, not just interrogate her.
keep us posted please

not far off - Im definately introverted, closed, etc -except I dont focus on studying at all, heh. I mostly care about my training (physical stuff).

I just got back from uni, saw her there. Didn't get to talk to her much since we weren't alone. She has such expressive "looks" and facial expressions etc, it won't be easy to learn to interpret them all..

If we get some time alone Ill definately bring it up and ask her. The thing is, I'm not sure if we're going anywhere at all, so asking where might be a bit odd. But I think I need to assume she is actually interested and is expecting this to go further. We haven't even mentioned anything like this, its weird. Just kind of slipped into being more in touch.

TBH though, what *would* I say, as my side of it? I'm not sure. I guess all I can say is that I'm interested in getting to know her more. Where do I want it to go? I have no idea. Wherever it takes us, I guess?

man, this whole thing is so trippy. Its such new ground, completely uncharted territory here. It feels like nothing else before, literally like tripping or something . Her housemates are all away this weekend, so maybe she will want to do something. Ill try to get in touch later and find out if we can meet to talk and stuff.

Thanks for the replies

[BlueRaven]

and_for_what, thank you for typing all of this. I'm happy to say, I've now found someone with a more drastically overanalytical approach to women than even my own, and you beat me by a long shot.

Congratulations, and keep up the endless thinking!

[vashti]

Congratulations, and keep up the endless thinking!

No! Bad idea!! You are trapped in your own head, and it is preventing you from having normal contact with a female! Stop analyzing every little thing. Do you want to die alone? You need to learn to take a risk with your heart. Everyone else has done so and survived, and you will, too.

I am wondering about the lack of sex drive. Have you always been this way, or have you shut yourself down so you won't have to talk to girls?

[BlueRaven]

No! Bad idea!! You are trapped in your own head, and it is preventing you from having normal contact with a female! Stop analyzing every little thing. Do you want to die alone? You need to learn to take a risk with your heart. Everyone else has done so and survived, and you will, too.

I was kidding.

[vashti]

I was kidding.

Ah, that's a relief!!

[and_for_what]

No! Bad idea!! You are trapped in your own head, and it is preventing you from having normal contact with a female! Stop analyzing every little thing. Do you want to die alone? You need to learn to take a risk with your heart. Everyone else has done so and survived, and you will, too.

I am wondering about the lack of sex drive. Have you always been this way, or have you shut yourself down so you won't have to talk to girls?

My sex drive evaporated about a year ago, vashti. I don't know why.

regarding my overanalysis - maybe I am, but I can't help thinking about it all really. It doesn't neccessarily mean I won't take any action.

[vashti]

Maybe you should seek some professional advice, darling. (A physician for the lack of sex drive, and maybe a therapist about your self-imposed isolation.) You are robbing yourself of some of the things in life that make it worth living.

[and_for_what]

Maybe you should seek some professional advice, darling. (A physician for the lack of sex drive, and maybe a therapist about your self-imposed isolation.) You are robbing yourself of some of the things in life that make it worth living.

Im waiting to get the results of a blood test (taken weeks ago, but I havet had a chance to contact the Dr yet). I think my hormones are ****ed up, due to some other signs from my training etc.

Regarding my solitude - it isn't a problem for me. Im usually very happy. I think I *would* like to try the other way, soon. Maybe I will prefer it, maybe not.

[and_for_what]

hey dudes. We've been talking on msn, and as much as I wanted it to be face-to-face, we kind of discussed it a bit. I'm still not entirely sure whats going on, and I don't think she is either. Its 8.15pm and she has invited me round to her house now. Her housemates are gone for the weekend. I'm not sure if Ill go yet.

[Gigabitch]

Go, so you'll have an update tomorrow. I'm intrigued about her attraction to you.

And as for the sex drive thing- just how much physical training are you doing, and did you start doing it around the time you lost your libido?

[vashti]

And as for the sex drive thing- just how much physical training are you doing, and did you start doing it around the time you lost your libido?

You aren't taking steroids, are you?

[Gigabitch]

You aren't taking steroids, are you?

No, I'm not. That's why my boobies are the same size.

[vashti]

hahaha! I meant to ask the original poster. Your post just reminded me that steroid-users have problems with impotence.