What to do about a friend

[sr14225]

Hi,

I would really like a guy's point of view on the following situation. I'm a female with a guy friend I've known for 7 years. 6 years ago he met his current girlfriend. It was a strange situation. She was 25 and she was pursuing a 47 year old married guy with 2 kids. I knew my friend's marriage was faultering and I hated the fact that this young girl with a body like a model was throwing herself at my vulnerable friend. Unfortunately, my friend was thinking with his "other head" so to speak and they started having an affair. My friend's girlfriend has totally changed my friend. He used to be fun and outgoing. Now he is afraid to interract with me because he is afraid of pissing off his girlfriend ( his girlfriend does not want us to be friends). My friend was going to give me a card on my birthday but when his girlfriend found out that he was going to give me a card she got pissed off at him and they had an argument that lasted half the night. My friend's girlfriend is jealous, needy, clingy and insecure. I thought that men were turned off by these qualities? My friend has been legally seperated from his wife for about a year now. He has his own house and his girlfriend has practically moved in. I'm sick of hearing from my friend that he does not want to appear to be uncaring or aloof, he just doesn't want to piss off his girlfriend. Why has this relationship lasted for 6 years? Why does he put up with this crap? I tried to talk to him about it but not too much because I don't think that most people like unsolicited advice. I mentioned how his actions can hurt my feelings because we used to be good friends. We still e-mail each other, but I haven't heard from him lately. My last e-mail stated that I would be willing to adust things and accept certain things but I would like to remain friends. Should I e-mail anything else? What if I just want to ask if everything is OK? I don't want to be a threat to his relationship but I would consider taking things a step further if I had the chance. I know, you are probably wondering why I would do that. I'm not really sure. I do know however that I don't want to lose him as a friend and I don't know if I should e-mail him or if I should ignore him and give him a chance to think about things. Men don't seem to like talking about emotional issues so I know he isn't going to volunteer any information unless I ask him.

[vashti]

I think you should back out of this "friendship". Women can usually tell if another woman is interested in their man, and obviously she has you pegged. Anyway, he is sleeping with someone quite a bit younger, and she that does the screwing has the power, especially since he allows her to have it. In other words, you have no power, and neither does he. Don't hang around and make a nuissance of yourself.

[CAM]

Honestly, you should let this one go. You said he appears needy. He is immature....in that he pursued sex with the young hot chick, rather than going after someone who was a bit more substantial.

But hanging around (and essentially waiting your turn at him) you are appearing needy, too.

Move on

[Gigabitch]

Men don't seem to like talking about emotional issues so I know he isn't going to volunteer any information unless I ask him.

Ha! Browse around on this forum for a while- they totally like to talk about emotional issues.

Honestly, you ARE a threat to his girlfriend. I don't think you're gong to be able to make things the way they were and if you want things to progress, you risk losing him completely (and pissing off his girlfriend, which will get him in no end of trouble). Are you willing to risk it?