What is wrong with me

[shygal]

I know this isn't a psychology forum lol, but any feedback would be great!
I'm just feeling really confused, agitated, and upset.

a couple of weeks ago, I met a guy who I heard sort of liked me. We had a good time together, a lot of laughing, the guys a real comedian and he looks nice and good looking. Nothing to complain about. And yet I can't understand why I'm feeling so upset. Nothing even started but I'm feeling sick and nervous. It happens to me every time I meet a guy, that's why I usually back away from them, because I hate the feeling of.....no self control, I mean if a guy can shake me in such a way, what's the point of having anything to do with him?? This guy is even younger than me, oddly!!

This one night when we went to my place (he acompanied) there was awkward silence, I said dumb things that made no sense whatsoever. Then I kissed him on the cheek, but it seemed as if he was expecting more. He seemed really upset as he went away, and for some reason this is making me feel like sh*it. I know there is NO reason why I should feel this way, but I do.

It's like I'm afraid of having a relationship with a guy, even though I sometimes think how it would be like to have one. I'm very particular, I don't like it when I have to change my routines, habits, and thinking about being with a guy really frightens me. Because that would mean my life would change or that I could risk being too attached or something

What is wrong with me? Probably nothing is really 'wrong', but where are these feelings of awkardness coming from? I'm not an awkward teenager anymore, I should be out there enjoying my life, carpe diem no? Most girls would have kissed him right away or even more, but I'm not like that. I actually wanted to kiss him, but for some reason didn't. I didn't want him to think I was an easy girl.
It's not that I was traumatized or anything in the past, so where is this fear coming from?? Does anyone have any thoughts?

[Gribble]

After a single date a guy shouldn't expect much more than a kiss. At least not from a decent woman. And there's nothing wrong with forgoing a kiss on the first date, either. I don't think you did anything wrong there. You can start worrying after you've had sex with him and still can't bring yourself to give him a kiss and a hug.

I dunno what's up with you. I actually go through something similar. Do you have a hard time being affectionate in general or does this just relate to boys?

[shygal]

Thanks for the reply Gribble.

I know inside that not every girl kisses at first date, but what I can't understandd is why i feel this way (fear)

I'm almost too affectionate with girls (my friends and family), it's just with the guys that I sort of become tense (I don't show it, but I feel it).

[TheSphinx]

Most girls would have kissed him right away or even more, but I'm not like that. I actually wanted to kiss him, but for some reason didn't. I didn't want him to think I was an easy girl.

It's not that I was traumatized or anything in the past, so where is this fear coming from?? Does anyone have any thoughts?

Many women in our (American) society voice similar fears with the phrase, "I don't want him to think I'm a slut." Even though I believe this thought is slowly waning, it is still taboo for a woman to be "easy" while being a mark of merit for men.

Wouldn't it be great if he could read all of the signs you give him that scream, "Kiss me!"? You could then allow yourself to melt into the moment without worrying about being considered "easy," as he made the first move.

[The Great OV!!!]

You sound normal to me, nothing wierd. Just a bit frightened by the entire relationship thing maybe. Just relax and think to yourself that you have nothing to lose.

[Gribble]

I don't think a girl is easy if she's the one to initiate the first kiss. I have a feeling a lot of guys wouldn't mind. Picture it. There you are at her doorstep, staring her in the eyes and silently wondering if she really had a great time, or did you blow it with that stupid joke, and does she want you to kiss her? Maybe it's too soon. Maybe she'll be angry if you don't... And then smack, she lays one square on your lips, smiles coyly, and slips into her house.

[The Great OV!!!]

I don't think a girl is easy if she's the one to initiate the first kiss. I have a feeling a lot of guys wouldn't mind. Picture it. There you are at her doorstep, staring her in the eyes and silently wondering if she really had a great time, or did you blow it with that stupid joke, and does she want you to kiss her? Maybe it's too soon. Maybe she'll be angry if you don't... And then smack, she lays one square on your lips, smiles coyly, and slips into her house.

Sounds nice...like a movie.

[TheSphinx]

I don't think a girl is easy if she's the one to initiate the first kiss. I have a feeling a lot of guys wouldn't mind. Picture it. There you are at her doorstep, staring her in the eyes and silently wondering if she really had a great time, or did you blow it with that stupid joke, and does she want you to kiss her? Maybe it's too soon. Maybe she'll be angry if you don't... And then smack, she lays one square on your lips, smiles coyly, and slips into her house.

...only to crack the door open a moment later, toss out her panties, and bid you enter with a finger curling in a most inviting and seductive manner!

But, absolutely; I have heard that if you are wondering whether or not you should be kissing a girl, you probably should be kissing her. Some guys like to kiss on their own terms, while others admire the idea of being kissed-I find these actions especially striking if they are contrary to a girl's normal behavior.

Maybe shygal, you are just feeling a lot of the sexual tension when you are around guys? The more experience you have in hanging around guys, the less it should bother you. OV's advice is invaluable: Relax! It's just a date!

[The Great OV!!!]

...only to crack the door open a moment later, toss out her panties, and bid you enter with a finger curling in a most inviting and seductive manner!

[Gribble]

I like this guy... or gal. Whichever you are, you're all right.

[Gigabitch]

Shygal, it sounds like you just need practice. You still take dates very seriously, and I know kissing is a BFD for you. Is it at least fun? Most people at least have a thrill of anticipation before the terror sets in.

[shygal]

I am tense around guys and I do need to practice more....I guess I should just see guys as friends at first.

I have an update, when we went out he mentioned is ex girfriend quite a few times (not continuously but every now and then). Now, I'm confused. I'm thinking 'I shouldn't even give him a second look and waste my time' but then I go and think 'Oh maybe it doesn't mean anything....'.....though it's just that, I want to think that it doesn't mean anything....

what do you guys think?

right at this moment I'm feeling....why do I always meet creeps?

[Gigabitch]

You need to work on your A-dar (asshole radar). The only way I know how to do this is to expose yourself to possible assholes. Rest assured that you will eventually build up a callus and learn to spot bad men from a mile away. Think of it as a law-of-averages thing. If you date five jerks, you're likely to meet at least one nice guy.

However, I don't think him mentioning his ex a few times qualifies him as a jerk. Give him a chance.

[Junket]

Hahahahaha! What the hell is that little guy??

I couldn't stop laughing when I saw that.