Unresolved issues ...

[buck_rogers]

Hey everyone,

I'd just like to get some opinions on something. I guess Ill start at the beginning - I went to college a few years ago, and I met a girl there. Now, Im a VERY shy person, I find it hard to talk to anyone, so imagine me having to talk to someone I really like. I always liked her, pretty much from the first day, but I never had the courage to really talk to her and definately not enough to ask her out. After 3 months of turmoil, I finally plucked up the courage and I asked her if she wanted to do something. She gave me her number and everything and we made plans to go to the movies on the saturday. About 2 hours before we were due to meet she sent me a text saying that she had to cancel cos she had to go shopping with her mum for some reason.

The next week we were back at college and although I saw her we didn't speak, maybe I would have but I had enough trouble talking to her on her own and we were in a class full of people. My plan was to go out, just the 2 of us, and then it would've been easier to talk and whatever (did I mention that she was shy herself, not as much as me but still). Anyway, about a week later I asked her out again, I asked if she wanted to do something the next day, but she said she was busy. After that I ended up leaving it, I don't know why, even to this day I don't know why I dropped it after just 2 tries when she was busy. After that we spoke a tiny bit at college a few times but me asking her out was never mentioned.

At the end of the first year of college she quit, decided she didn't wanna do the course anymore and quit. I never saw her again after that but there are regrets. I wish I'd have tried harder, made myself speak to her more, etc, and shes always in the back of my head - she was the first girl I ever asked out, the first girl I really liked enough to ask out.

Now, over the past few years things have been going bad for me and my family and I kinda made a new years resolution (a load of crap I know) to forget about everything that happened in the past so that I can just look forward and start new. I see this thing with her as something I need to forget and move on from, but I don't see me being able to do that without resolving the issues I have and getting rid of any regrets. My main regret being that I left it and that she never found out how I felt. I wish that I could have one chance to explain everything. I don't know if she'd care but if so then at least I'd know that I tried and that I told her.

My question to you all is: if there was a chance to get her address (it would be without her knowledge) should I take that chance to send her a letter saying what I feel like I need to say in order to resolve everything. I moved away from my hometown (where we went to college and where, as far as I know, she still lives) and I havent been back for a year and a half so its like a 1 in a million that I'd ever see her again. Finding out her address and sending her a letter is the only way I could ever tell her everything.

What do you all think I should do? Should I find her address and send her the letter? Or should I just leave it, just keep it inside until it eventually goes away (if it ever does)?

Thanks ...


P.S. I think I should also mention that although I do still like her, as I've always done, if I did end up sending her the letter I wouldn't be expecting anything. I don't expect her to feel the same way or anything, and if she doesnt, thats fine, I'm not looking for a beautiful relationship to come out of it or anything. The reason for me doing it would be just to resolve old issues, not to find out if she ever had feelings for me or if she'd go out with me now, just to resolve my issues and try to get rid of the regrets I have. Thanks again.

[carbon]

Hey buck, it seems that you really cared for this girl. I would write to her, if only to resolve issues for yourself (like you said). Regardless of her response, do this for yourself, so that you can move on. I get the sense that your feeling of having "unfinished business" with her has really hindered you in other aspects of your life..and that is not something you want to live with. Don't allow yourself to live in regret or envelope yourself with the question of "What if...?"

[buck_rogers]

thanks for your opinion carbon. what you said is pretty much what i think but i wasnt sure if i wanted to jump in with both feet without knowing if i should, thats why im here.

does anyone agree or have anything other thoughts?

thanks ...

[Gigabitch]

Buck, regrets will poison you. Send the letter.

[buck_rogers]

i started a thread on another relationship forum with the exact same post that i put here and i got some replies. neither of them are really what i wanted to hear and they say the exact opposite of what you guys are saying.

well.. u couldnt move on for 2 and a half years which is a pretty long time. and u think after telling her how u feel u will move on? and u said u are not even expecting a reply from her, so why dont u do this. write a letter with all what u want, and send it out with no address. and just think to urself, u sent the letter and she didnt reply. because REALLY by you telling her what u are feeling NOW it wont change anything at all. who knows, maybe she is committed already and u are not expecting anything anyway so why bother and actually send the letter?

First you two had plans, and she canceled on you at the last minute.Then, when you asked her if she wanted to do something, she said she was busy. But in between, you two BARELY talked. It seems like the only time you did talk to her was when you got the courage to ask her out somewhere.

If I was interested in a guy (who didn't talk to me much) and I really WAS busy or something DID come up, I'd suggest another day, another time, etc.

She didn't. I honestly don't think she was really that into you in the first place. You don't need to feel regret. You can move on with your life without having to involve her. You need to find resolution within yourself to REALLY move on. You could actually write this letter, send it out....but until you really let it go, it doesn't matter whether or not its sent to the correct address, or just left sitting at the bottom of your desk drawer.

can i get your opinions on what these people are advising? when you guys replied and said i should send it i thought that you were right, but now im not too sure.

thanks ...

[Gigabitch]

I never saw her again after that but there are regrets. I wish I'd have tried harder, made myself speak to her more, etc, and shes always in the back of my head - she was the first girl I ever asked out, the first girl I really liked enough to ask out.

...................

My main regret being that I left it and that she never found out how I felt. I wish that I could have one chance to explain everything. I don't know if she'd care but if so then at least I'd know that I tried and that I told her.

....................

The reason for me doing it would be just to resolve old issues, not to find out if she ever had feelings for me or if she'd go out with me now, just to resolve my issues and try to get rid of the regrets I have.

Dude. If you can get free of this by simply sending a letter, there's really no question of whether or not you should do it.

Closure. It's golden.

[buck_rogers]

will i get rid of them though? probably, i think, but i cant be 100% sure. if im still left with them, will it have been worth it?

[Kiechi]

will i get rid of them though? probably, i think, but i cant be 100% sure. if im still left with them, will it have been worth it?

There is only one way to find out.

Send it.

[buck_rogers]

so you disagree with what they said on the other forum?

[Gigabitch]

We're all about cojones here.

Also, most of us bother to spell out "you", so our advice is clearly better.

[buck_rogers]

advice is always better from people who use proper grammar, lol.

anyway, now i just need to work out what to say in the letter ive already got her address, i found that out last night.

thanks ...

[carbon]

Hey buck, I'm glad you've decided to send the letter. To be honest, I didn't even read your post of the replies from another forum. I KNOW you need to do this. Why?..because you're doing this for YOU and no one else. It doesn't matter what the girl may think. This is for you to close a chapter in your life and MOVE FORWARD. Living in regret can haunt you for the rest of your life - I can promise you that. I don't mean to be redundant...just trying to give you an extra confidence boost for your decision.

To compose the letter I would speak from the heart - only doing so will help you to move on.

[buck_rogers]

thanks carbon, after what you and everyone else has said i feel like this is something i really need to do.

anyway, im working on the letter right now but i was wondering if i should type it or if it should be hand written. i think hand written is probably best but my handwriting really sucks. i could probably make it neater if i tried hard and took my time though, and in the end it gives a much better impression that typed doesnt it?

thanks again ...

[Gigabitch]

Oh, God- typed would be a huge mistake. You would always wish you had hand written it.

So... what are you saying? Are you going to post it?

[buck_rogers]

i am gonna post it yeah. i should, right?