Row gone wrong....

[the_b]

Hi - Anybody any ideas on this one?

I've been dating my gf for about 9 months. Don't really see each other too much as she works late/long hours but try to hook up at least once or twice a week - always text/phone.

Last few months she's been under pressure with work (hates the job/hours), money (owes friends a few 100), car (pretty dodgy vehicle) etc. Added to this, she's been to doc because she couldn't cope and he gave her some anti-depressants.

During this time, she stopped calling so often, fewer texts, when it was her day off work says she so tired she doesn't want to see me (or for me to even come over). So different to how she was before. I carried on calling her, no pressure, but just to tell her i understood if she wasn't feeling too well. But it got to about a few weeks when I hadn't seen her that I was desperate to go over - just to see how she was.
I figured that she was being so distant that either she wanted to break up or something was seriously wrong. So I called and asked why she never wanted me to come over/go out with me.
Reply - volley of abuse, citing that I should have sorted out getting her a new job ages ago, that I didn't care for her, that I didn't love her enough, that we should have moved in together after dating for about two months?!

Something flipped in me and so I went over to her place (even though she told me not too) and kept knocking at her door until she came out. Why I did this, who knows, it was so unlike me, but I felt so angry and upset with the things she said.

She eventually came out and was absolutely frozen with me. Even more mad, saying I'd embarrassed her by doing this and that I wasn't worthy of being with her!

I spat out words and names at her (childish remarks, but just to let off steam) and then calmed down and tried to talk to her. She was having none of it - wouldn't talk, wouldn't acknowledge why I might have been upset - all she considered was that I was bad and useless BF.

She told me to give her space. I agreed but I asked her to a least text me something the following day (was hoping maybe an apology), but just got a shrug from her.

How has she made me from being so happy, to feeling insecure, irrational and worthless? All I wanted was to give her some affection and now i just crave for it to be given back. I was (almost) begging for her to just hold my hand - but she pulled away and smirking at me (punishing me because she knows it hurts me). It felt she was angling for an argument so I would go nuts and just split up with her (she's great at turning my explanations as to how I feel as a witch-hunt against her, saying "well if you feel that way, then leave me").

Any wise female words? (I think I might have just turned from being a great BF into a door mat - she did say awful things, and acts so cold but I just want her back). I know the answer, no contact and let her have her space but I feel crap.

Does it sound terminal? Any hope? Should I really be giving this woman another chance?

Thanks for reading my ramble.

[lamarthe]

Don't want to be too pessimistic but sounds as if she is not really "in" the relationship right now. But she hasn't told you to go for good so do try and give her some space, not sure for how long...And this might give her a bit of time too. Don't "not call her", just drop in a line and ask how are you? Something easy.

Now - you are also asking about should you even give her a chance? Guess it depends on how much you feel for her.

[jurupa]

Dam she asks for space and you close in on her. Back off and let her deal with her problems. Its pretty darn clear that she is dealing with a lot. Your just making it worse by push for your needs when its pretty oblivious that she can not meet them. And why are you expecting an apology from her, your the one that should be giving one not her.

[Gigabitch]

I don't think she's available to satisfy your needs right now. She's going through a personal crisis and you've made yourself into someone she can't emotionally afford (nice work, slick!).

You want her back? She's gonna make you work for it.

Are you sure she's worth it, anyway? She sounds like kind of a pain in the ass to me.

[the_b]

Thanks for the relies:

I did appologise but it sounds so strange to say sorry for just coming over to see how somebody is (even after they hurled abuse at you) - i never hassled or pressured her in anyway.

Yeah she's going through a lot - but to blame it all on me and let a relationship deteriorate? I only wanted to support and help her. What happened to talking (what i'm saying here is what I said to her).

Anyhow, thinking about it she does sound like a pain in the ass. She asks to meet, says she misses me, then changes her mind in five minutes and is so cold.

Would drive anyone insane when you don't know where you stand - surely understandable.

[Junket]

This bitch ain't worth it.

You see how she felt like everything was out of her control?

She's putting it all on you now.

She's making you beg for her.

It makes her feel powerful, it makes her feel like she's in control.

She's gonna **** with your emotions and make you happy to be her little bitch.

Best thing you can do is take that away from her, take what little, sick sense of control she has left in her life and rip it out of her grasp. Make her feel like the lowlife she really is. Then when she come back begging, show her the door. Don't visit her, don't call her, don't text her.

She doesn't deserve you.

[the_b]

Thanks Frasbee.

You know how it is - I wish she was the old her again but it's not going to happen. I'm not going to be a door-mat - i'd never do that to somebody else.

If she texts/phones so be it - if she doesn't, well i got off lightly i guess.

No contact is a bummer, but to be honest, way i'm feeling i don't think i've anything to say to her anyway.

Football and ice-cream tonight for me.....