Hi everyone...

[happiness]

Hi everyone,

I'm 22 and have been in my relationship for just over a year now. I am very much in love and very happy 99.9% of the time. The problem is I am having real problems with insecurity, paranoia and self-esteem within my relationship - the problem is... I have absolutely no reason to be feeling like this, so why am I? It is really getting my boyfriend down as it hurts him that I feel like this, understandably, as I have no reason to feel like this. It is startign to take over my life and I don't feel like i'm in control anymore. I really need to get over it as I am so scared of losing the best thing that has ever happened to me. Just talking to impartial people, i'm hoping, will help. If anyone feels like talking to me or is having similar problems please get in touch.

[vashti]

Welcome, and I think that insecurity is a relatively normal part of being 22. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be trying to fix it, though.

I like you signature, BTW.

[happiness]

But don't you think that if it is ruining our relationship I should try and fix it? He gets very hurt by my comments sometimes. i.e. I take it "insert name here" will be there again?... She is always texting you... Who was there?... Do you fancy her? etc....

[vashti]

You don't have to *share* your insecurities with him, you know... Just feel the anxiety, acknowledge it, and keep it to yourself. It will get easier with practice.

[happiness]

Maybe you're right but I have tried that... maybe I need to try harder. You see I hold back a lot and it kind of builds up inside me and then before I know it I'm shouting at him for things he did weeks ago but I hadn't brought up because I was trying to hold it back. It just consumes me... its really hard, i wish people knew how hard...

[Illusional]

with you being so paranoid and insecure, how can you be happy 99.9% of the time??

raverboy

[happiness]

I can see what you mean... maybe 99.9% of the time was inaccurate but what I mean is that it is the only problem in our relationship and everything is perfect in every other aspect of our relationship. It is the only thing that is causing problems and it doesn't happen all the time - just when something happens that makes me feel insecure (even though it shouldn't). Its very hard to explain... but sometimes I just get overwhelmed by feelings that he is going to leave me or he doesn't love me or something is going to happen with someone else - but I have no reason to feel like this so I don't know why I do. I create scenario's in my head of things that will happen and before I know it I am believing them and getting mad at him for something that I made up. its crazy... and i'm starting to wonder whether i am...

[vashti]

You may simply have too much time on your hands. If you kept yourself busier, you wouldn't have the time to devote to obssessing about this relationship. Also, you obviously have low self-esteem. What are you doing to correct that?

[happiness]

Well... nothing at the moment, thats what I'm trying to figure out. And as for having too much time on my hands you could be right. But I knew that and have recently been spending much more time with friends and doing things out of work, like dance classes. I like spending time with my boyfriend though and if I don't spend time with him when I can then I won't spend any time with him at all, he is a busy bee...

[vashti]

Make yourself busier. Not only will it give you less time to be obssessive, it will also make you feel better about yourself and make you more interesting to your boyfriend. Just be sure to schedule regular dates with him.

[Illusional]

hrmm... 22 already. i think that you should be past the point of worrying if someone will leave you or not. if they do, shrug your shoulder like you don't care and move on. but that is the worst case senario.

for the time being, enjoy what the hell is it that you have because one day it might be gone, or it might last forever... that's fun part of a relationship, you never know what's gonna happen.

raverboy

[Ameen]

dont worry, God is helping u