Drifting apart..

[mccoys82]

Me and my partner have been together 5 years. Over that time we have slowly been spending less time with each other and seem little more than good friends. In the beginning it was fun and exciting, we were madly in love. I still love her very much but have never been able to express myself fully, and often don't make the effort to spend time with her. I guess we have just coasted this whole time and not really given the relationship the attention it deserves. She says that she has not been happy for ages and that she feels angry towards me for all the time we wasted. She cares for me deeply but Im not sure if she still loves me. If I can determine that we loved each other very muchat SOME point, can this relationship be rescued? Isn't it worth trying to recapture that spark? Can the time wasted be overcome? She seems to be ready to give up because too much damage has been done, but I want to make changes to my life to make myself a better boyfriend, as I am pretty sure that she is feeling withdrawn due to feelings of abandonment. What can I say to show her that it can be like it was?

[pms]

Imo, it will never be fun/exciting as it used to be sometimes, it's impossible.

[vashti]

I don't think it is wise to bail water out of a sinking ship. You can try to save this relationship, but you *both* have to be interested in saving it. Keep in mind, though, it will never be "like it was". It might be *good*, but never the same. (If she's been unhappy, that might not be a bad thing.)

[mccoys82]

Thanks for the comments.

The thing is, she is unhappy because basically I have been an idiot and not made the effort. Now that we are on a break I cant believe how much I took for granted and want to become the person that she fell in love with, and improve myself in all the ways I've been too lazy to do in the past. Why might it not be a bad thing if she's been unhappy? I'm not sure what you mean. Is there any hope? She is really the one for me and I've messed up I know but I just can't give up

[vashti]

I mean, if she hasn't been happy, why would you want to go back and have things be the same as they were when you can (maybe) go back and be better?

[anxious]

Me and my partner have been together 5 years. Over that time we have slowly been spending less time with each other and seem little more than good friends. In the beginning it was fun and exciting, we were madly in love. I still love her very much but have never been able to express myself fully, and often don't make the effort to spend time with her. I guess we have just coasted this whole time and not really given the relationship the attention it deserves. She says that she has not been happy for ages and that she feels angry towards me for all the time we wasted. She cares for me deeply but Im not sure if she still loves me. If I can determine that we loved each other very muchat SOME point, can this relationship be rescued? Isn't it worth trying to recapture that spark? Can the time wasted be overcome? She seems to be ready to give up because too much damage has been done, but I want to make changes to my life to make myself a better boyfriend, as I am pretty sure that she is feeling withdrawn due to feelings of abandonment. What can I say to show her that it can be like it was?

are you putting her needs second at any point? e.g such as work before her?

[mccoys82]

are you putting her needs second at any point? e.g such as work before her?

Yeah, I guess I was. Ive made changes now though and am really eager to make it up to her. Is it too late or can it be salvaged?

[Zach]

I think one of lifes sickest jokes is the fact that humans will feel such amazing love at first, but in time it fades and there is nothing you can do about it.

Everything is happy then one day: "Sorry I don't love you like that anymore, it just went away. I guess were not meant to be, Bye."