Choi Doesn't Like LDR's Either

[Gribble]

You're my kinda gal, Converse.

[Converse]

You're my kinda gal, Converse.

Lol cheers.

Frasbee, I think your future (job wise) is more important to concentrate on because it sounds like you're not really into her because of your major doubts. Do you think you're in this relationship for the sake of having one? Sounds like too much effort to me. Can't you try and meet some one else closer to you?

Meh probs crap advice.

[Junket]

No sex in a relationship? Then what's the point?

It's hard to reach that level of intimacy (with her specifically), when we're away from each other so much. Thing is, if I were to move, I wouldn't be in the same household, and even if I wanted to, her parents are very southern and traditional, believe me, I met her dad, and he's not somebody I'd wanna **** with. Rather, a move would be a step into making it easier to get to know each other better on a person to person basis.

She's already told me she's not adverse to sex before marriage, but she's obviously not ready for it just yet. Anyway, it's not really about sacrificing anything really. It's more a matter of finding some way of continuing my budding career move. There's nothing here really holding me back. Tech school is done in less than 6 months. Then it's either more school should I choose to, or into a job. Maybe a mix of both if I find an apprenticeship. I would need to be certain I could at least find a worthwhile job wherever I end up. I have savings, but they sure as hell won't last long if I don't have some way of keeping myself afloat.

And believe me, I didn't quite go out of my way to find somebody who happened to live so far away, sometimes shit just happens.

EDIT: The timing seems to be the worst thing against us. She's got 4 years on me so where we are in our lives is definitely a factor. What I hate is that it's not like when I'm with her I feel like this. It's when I'm not with her that I just kinda become apathetic. I can't look forward to visiting her, taking her out or anything like that on a normal basis like other people. When I can and do, it's awesome, it's fun, I can't keep my eyes off her. Taking a chance is what got me here, but now I think I'm just taking her for granted, she's just this voice on the phone, text on an e-mail, writing on a page. That's what's so difficult about this, I don't lose interest when she's around, I lose it when she's not. That's why I'm so confused.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder". Maybe. But when you don't know when to look forward to seeing them it just leads to boredom.

[Junket]

I feel like the more I stress over it, the worse it all feels.

Because quite simply, I like having an e-mail from her every morning, I like talking to her on the phone. I like having a girl to call my own. I enjoy our conversation, I enjoy the banter and the flirting.

I love staring at her, tickling her, holding her hand.

I love it when she pulls me back into bed when I act like I'm going to leave, then pulls me tight me close as if to absorb me.

I love poking fun at her clothes, and love it when she wears her green skirt. I love how passionate she is about the things she does. And talking about the things we did.

Maybe I should just enjoy what I have, and stop fretting over what yet exists.

[vashti]

You don't sound like a guy who is ready to throw in the towel.

[Junket]

I just talked to her on the phone, about all my frustrations.
The most frustrating thing was, I wasn't quite sure what I was specifically frustrated about.

She asked me what I was "thinking", and I told her, "That's just it, I'm not really thinking anything, but I'm feeling emotions I can't understand."

I wasn't thinking I wanted to break up with her, but I felt like everything I was saying was alluding to it. And I knew it too, but I didn't know what else to say, and I started to get nauseas on the phone.

Everything we talk about on the phone is all so run of the mill, boring work stories, and what I did at school. I mentioned this, that the conversations have gotten boring. But there's not much to change it since both of our lives are consumed by what we do daily. On the phone, our relationship definitely feels platonic. She said it herself.

Before, making her my girlfriend was my goal. But now that that goal has been met, it's like "now what?" Which may sound like a "Gribble" (no offense) type question, but it's not that I don't know what to do, it's just what I want to do can't be done at this distance.

I told her how now I just want to hang out, watch a movie, take her out to dinner, go hiking, share a hobby.

So we talked about moving. She told me that where she goes would depend on me. But then I told her, I'm depending on what she does.

It was like, finally the realization that we'll have to talk less about "you" and "me", and talk more about "us". More of an issue of how we are going to do this. It's weird, yet refreshing to talk in that sense. I always discussed what my goals are, and she always discussed hers, 'cause both of us are scared of investing in something and coming out hurt. So we always kept our goals, plans, hopes, specific to ourselves, never delving into the "couple" mentality. When actually, I think that's exactly where we need to be.

The other thing that got me was when she said "I'm just gonna be blunt, (which she isn't good at usually), and just say, I'm heavily invested in this."

I felt like that was all I needed to hear.

Suddenly I got that same fuzzy feeling I get when I'm around her. Like she wants me, needs me, actually really does give a flying ****.

So we agreed that we're gonna start looking into how we're going to do this. I told her my goals, I need a cheap place to live, I need transportation I need a good job, I need to continue my learning, and of course I need her to be close by.

She's also looking to come visit me in May, between mine and her birthday, May 13th and 29th.

It's hard, but we're working at it.

[Gigabitch]

Shit, sometimes I feel like I'm heavily invested in your relationship, Fras.

[clynn]

Wow, all this struggle and stress.

It takes courage to have the really hard conversations. A lot of it. I admire you for having that conversation.

You must be quite excited, you have a lot of planning to look forward to !

[vashti]

I really admire your communication skills at such a relatively young age. So many males your age are so disconnected, and you seem to be right on top of it all.

[anachronistic]

it's too bad she can't move to philly...

[Junket]

She just visited home in Texas, afterwards, she said she's ready to quit Hands-On New Orleans and move elsewhere, find a place to stay and get a job and try living a more "quiet" life. (No definite plans, but she's thinkin' the earliest would be June when her lease is up.)

We're still on and off about talking about me movin' anywhere.

I will not deny, the idea scares the shit out of me.

It would truly be my first time out on my own.

Living together is out of the question. For one, we haven't reached that point yet. Secondly, even if we wanted to, her parents would freak. So in other words, while that may make sense financially, it's out of the question. Period. So don't bother.

Anyway, I feel like this is putting a constant strain on me and thus the relationship. I keep telling myself not to fuss over it now, but it's hard not to.

Y'see, I'm pretty spoiled here. I won't deny it, and I'm trying to take advantage of it the best I can while I'm here under my dad's roof. I basically don't pay for a damn thing.

Where does all the money go?

I put at least half of it consistently in my savings account, which I've yet to ever touch. The rest into my checking for expenses: food, gas, leisure.

What I hate is that I feel like I'm focusing more on this hypothetical situation, and less on my relationship with her.

Am I just comfortable being home again? After AmeriCorps I felt like I could go just about anywhere and be alright, then again, I was traveling with 8 other people at all times for support. Anywhere I'd go now, the only person I would know would be Amy. Let's be real. People need their own friends outside of their romantic relationships.

Now, if I think about just staying in Philly, and continuing either school or this field of work, all of a sudden I feel at ease. Not because I really want to stay here, but just because it's familiar. Y'know?

I know Amy doesn't have these expectations of me, in fact, she tells me constantly she's not pressuring me to do anything I don't want to do. Which I know is true as she rarely touches upon the subject.

Maybe...maybe I'm just looking for support and approval...If my brother, my dad, my friends, Amy all said moving to (wherever) and doing (whatever) was a feasible idea for me and current financial status...If I could find that kind of encouragement, maybe then I would be put at ease.

I feel like I'm in high school all over again trying to determine some rigid path for the rest of my life.

What's worse, is yeah, like I mentioned before, this anxiety is adding strain to my relationship with Amy, and it's something I'm trying to get over.

[Gigabitch]

Living together is out of the question. For one, we haven't reached that point yet. Secondly, even if we wanted to, her parents would freak. So in other words, while that may make sense financially, it's out of the question.

Good! Moving in together would be a terrible mistake, one I've made before. I'm glad it's not even an option.

Do you guys have any kind of timeline you're working on?

What's worse, is yeah, like I mentioned before, this anxiety is adding strain to my relationship with Amy, and it's something I'm trying to get over.

This is just another one of those "growing up sucks" things. You're made of solid stuff, Fras. You'll get through this.

[Junket]

I'm waiting to hear from her about a ticket for Memorial day weekend...she's visitin' Philly for the first time, so this is bound to be interesting...

[Converse]

Yay! I bet you're all excited!

[C172H]

I hope that you guys have a lovely time.