Should I press charges?

[jen913]

Since most of you probably know what my first thread was about, try not to let that interfere how you answer to this. Please.

When I was younger, I always wanted to save myself for that 'special guy'. I know that contradicts all of my past actions, but I truly believe it started because of one event.

Before I got into high school, I honestly didn't know much at all about the real world. And I mean, at all. Never had a boyfriend. Never even kissed a guy before. Never knew what weed looked like. I was very sheltered. My parents emigrated to the US, then divorced, and neither of them talked to be about life. When I got into high school, freshman year was okay. I still didn't have any friends, so I had no problems there. Then sophomore year I started hanging out with this girl that lived down the street from me and she was hanging with the 'wrong crowd'. I slowly was dragged in there with her and her other friend. I was the only virgin among all of them. It felt good. I was proud. My mom is pretty strict and wouldn't let me sleep over anywhere, so when my used-to-be-friend slept over, we would sneak out and go out to parties. I never used to go out before. It was exciting. Even though I usually just sat and observed, while they smoke weed, do shrooms, or snort cocaine. There obviously was a lot of pressure from them to do drugs and have sex, but I didn't want to give it. Until one night.

I should have known better. We were 16, and hanging out with 19+ year olds. 22 being the oldest. One night me and that girl sneaked out to this guy's house that she knew. She was into this other guy that drove us there, so the guy's house we went to of course tried talking to me the whole time. I talked to him on the phone before when he called the girl, because she gave me the phone, but I never met him. They were all drinking. I never drank before, in my life. I was interested to seeing what getting a 'buzz' felt like. I didn't know a little shot of alcohol can really affect you. Obviously everyone else did, especially the guy whose house we were at. He mixed my drinks so I don't even have to taste the liquor. I thought nothing of it. I had about 13 drinks, that I remember drinking. I then got up to go to the bathroom, and stumbled, big time. When I got back to where everyone else was, I sat down and he handed me one last cup. The last thing I remember is dropping the cup all over the carpet and passing out on the couch.

Then the next thing I remember is waking up in the morning. Naked and in his bed. I'm so scared. I have no idea where I am. Now I feel that damn buzz. I look around and he is next to me. Naked. I look around and see my pants on the floor. I get up in panic and try to put them on when I realize there is vomit all over them. I can't even find my shirt. I have long hair and it's all in there too. He heard me getting up and told me to relax and come next to him. I go get under the covers because no one ever saw me naked before besides my mom when I was a baby, and it felt really uncomfortable. I asked him what happened and he said we had amazing sex. I almost completely lost. I was speechless. He was like, "Please tell me you remember it. It was too good not to remember". And I shook my head and told him no. I told him I never had sex before and he didn't know what to say. He told me that it was good for my first time them. He also told me I threw up everyone in his house, including his bed. So bad, that he couldn't even clean the bed, he just flipped it over.

I got up and put on one of his shirts and went to go clean my pants. I put those on and he said he threw away my shirt since it was too dirty. I went and woke up the girl I was with and I asked the guy to drive us home. My head was spinning on the ride home.

The guy got my number somehow and started calling me every night. We talked every night, because now I felt that since he was my first, I needed to make it work. I found out he was 21, and a dad of a 1 year old boy. He was a gang banger and has been to jail quite a few times. He had a gun in his room. The same room I woke up in. I was scared. I went over to his place a few more times, and of course he wanted to have sex. I was scared to say no. I was afraid he was going to do something to me if I said no. Then afterwards, I ended up punching his wall after he left the room out of anger.

I talked to him for a few months. And he said he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I didn't know what to do. I slowly stopped talking to him. He called me a few times. He even called me when he was in jail once. That's when I really stopped talking to him, since, well, he was there for I think two months. I forgot what for.

My question is: now, after all these years, my current boyfriend wants me to press charges. I haven't talked to the guy in a long time. And I want to keep it that way. I'm also afraid to do it because of what he might to do me. He knows where I live. And he's crazy. What do I do?

Sorry for the long post, again. And I'm not trying to get pity from anyone. I just basically want a yes or no answer from people.

[Converse]

That's awful, if anyone is harsh to you about this then they're dicks.

I don't know if you should press charges sorry, all I know is that it's really hard to convict some one of rape, lack of evidence etc.

Must have been horrible to write this bringing all the memories back. Some people are scum.

Take care hun.

[Gigabitch]

I think it's too late to prove anything, which you would need to do if you pressed charges.

Attempting to do this now would only piss off a dangerous guy and serve to dredge up stuff that is now many years in the past.

I'm sorry this happened to you- I had a similar friend- I snuck out with her a lot, watched her drink rum out of a soup bowl and have sex with creeps, etc. The only reason I didn't end up exactly like you was because I was a little more informed about drugs and alcohol.

Lesson learned: tell your kids about drugs and alcohol. Sheltering them will only keep them ignorant of what can happen.

[Tired]

theres probably no way to prove any of this happened other then he said/she said. Obviously that guy would deny whatever you say if it means he's going to jail. It's a bad situation, but it seems like you've finally lost touch with the guy, just keep it that way

[zro]

dont press charges, no proof and the fact that you continued seeing/sleeping with the guy will defientely go against you, you might even get charged for filing a false complaint

i agree that the guy sounds like a faggot and needs a good clip around the ears, but you have to take your responsibility for the situation, you messed up by allowing yourself to be in such a situation

i have read your other thread, i have my personal opinions about you - but i wont post them here since it sounds like everyone already ripped a new asshole in that thread, your boyfriend i suspect is looking for someone to blame, and yeah i think you might not be totally responsible for this instance, but the other 14 falls squarly on your shoulders - most guys including myself wont be able to handle something like that, tell him to get over it or move on, if he keeps dwelling on your past you guys will be having the same problems 20 years down the road.... having 1 guy in jail wont change shit, relationship counselling sounds like a much better ****ing idea....all in my opinion of course

[Only-virgins]

That is horrible, he definitely took advantage of you but it will more difficult if not even impossible to get any charges on him since you did nothing for so long. You would need to answer the question why and for what reason you withheld the information for so long and did nothing about it till now.

Are you Hispanic?

[Converse]

That is horrible, he definitely took advantage of you but it will more difficult if not even impossible to get any charges on him since you did nothing for so long. You would need to answer the question why and for what reason you withheld the information for so long and did nothing about it till now.

Are you Hispanic?

What has that got to do with anything?

[Only-virgins]

What has that got to do with anything?

Nothing, it is a question...I can't ask a question? Someone mentions race in no tone related to provide racism and everyone gets suspicious right away? why?

[Converse]

It doesn't matter though does it? And you know you'd twist it. I've seen you post racist remarks before.

[TDurden]

Pressing charges would be a really bad idea. It sounds like you got a clean break from this guy and pressing charges is going to put him right smack-dab in the center of your life.

And, as everyone else has mentioned, given that so much time has passed, it would be a very difficult case to win given that so much time has passed.

[Junket]

Yeah, the "hispanic" comment was way out of left field.

What's your logic behind that question?

Anyway, yeah, if anything, even if you tried to press rape charges or what have you, it's going to be your word against his. There will be no physical evidence, and I highly doubt any of the possible witnesses are going to have a clear and dependable recollection of that evening.

I would say the best thing for you to do is talk to some kind of counselor with and without your current boyfriend. Get it all out, then stark working on putting it behind you. Learn from the past, don't bury yourself in it.

[jen913]

I agree. There is no real evidence against it. The two other people that were there do know about it. But I'm not gonna get anyone else involved it in. The other guy that was there felt bad about it, since they have been friends since they were in high school. He told me never to hang out with him by myself, since he doesn't trust him himself. They are no longer friends, last time I talked to them, at least. Then the girl, well, I hate that freakin... well, let's not get into her. She knew what was happening, but didn't do anything about it. I mean, she was all coked up, but still. She still had to have some sense in her... maybe?

I am going to try to talk to my boyfriend to stop mentioning it. I think he is just trying to make himself feel better.

The reason I never did anything before, is because, like I said, I was scared of the guy. He was crazy. I never knew what to expect from him. I am not surprised if he is in jail now. He told me so many stories of encounters he had with people, violent ones, and it just scared me. I don't even want to go in details with that.

I just think that my boyfriend is going to think I am 'protecting' the guy somehow because I don't want to press charges. I don't know. He definitely has control/jealousy issues with me. He doesn't even want me to go over to my BEST FRIEND'S house this weekend, that I have known since 1st grade. She's a lesbian, and she jokingly tells me all the time I should dump guys and go for girls, since she knows girls that would be into me already, haha! But that's besides the point.

I'm not going to press charges. It makes no sense to do it now.

[Converse]

Dump him, he'll only get worse. Do it.

[Junket]

This guy isn't the problem (unfortunate those events were), your boyfriend is. He's trying to act strong and protective of you by trying to get back at somebody who wronged you long ago.

What he doesn't seem to realize is that he's the one that may end up emotionally abusing you if he keeps pushing the subject. It's up to you to let go, not him. If he believes otherwise, then you should start considering where your relationship is, and where it's going...

[clynn]

I think that by not pressing charges you are protecting yourself more than anything.

It would be extremely upsetting and damaging for you to have to bring all that out again (in public no less) and to encounter him again.

What happened is gross and horrible.