How long is "too long" when getting over an ex?

[LoveTwist]

How long is "too long" when moving on from your last relationship?

6 months, a year, 2 years -Suppose it depends on the time you were together and how serious the relationship was, but surely there must be a limit??
Also how do you know when you are over an ex? Is it that you stop thinking about them so often, stop wanting them back or what???

This as always confused me, so would be cool to read people's views on this.

[Gigabitch]

I think the fallout from a relationship has a half-life. If you were together for two years, then in two years you will he half over her. After another two years, this will again diminish by half, etc.

Makes you want to be careful how much energy you invest in someone, doesn't it?

[LoveTwist]

I think the fallout from a relationship has a half-life. If you were together for two years, then in two years you will he half over her. After another two years, this will again diminish by half, etc.

Mmm.. interesting theory. What we really need here is some evidence. Anyone care to volunteer their experiences?

If this theory is true then it means you'll never be completely over your ex (which is sad but probably true) and it will take you at least double the time you knew that person to be reasonably over them.... Thats a pretty disturbing thought..

If this theory is indeed the best one that fits, my other question still stands -

"How do you know that you are sufficiently over your ex, in order to start a new?"

Makes you want to be careful how much energy you invest in someone, doesn't it?

Yes. Definitely. But should you give up on trying to find love and save that energy? Well in my experience there are 2 answers to this -

Long answer - Maybe - Depends on what you can live with. You can give up on love and save the energy, but that energy can build up inside you, as loneliness (aka -a pain lurking in the depths of your sole), if you don't know how to handle it.

Short answer - No with a but - No you shouldn't give up on love, but you shouldn't waste all your energy on the first person to walk your way either. How can you tell a guy really loves you? Is it that he won't want or need your energy?

Am I getting too caught up in metaphors here?

[Gigabitch]

Mmm.. interesting theory. What we really need here is some evidence. Anyone care to volunteer their experiences?

Actually, my theory doesn't even apply to my own experience. I was with my ex-husband for almost eleven years, and after a year and a half, I'm more than over him.

I dated a guy in 1994 for three months and never, ever got over him.

[LoveTwist]

Yeah its true. You can love someone you never even dated for over a decade. Or you can get fed up and abandon your partner of 10 / 20 years and think nothing of it. It seems that how long you take to "get over" an ex is mainly down to personality and your ability to move on improves with experience.

Also depends on the person I think. Some people will wallow in a break up for years, even decades after the event, while others snap out of a relationship like an elastic band stretched thin over a knife.

[TheKissPolice]

it depends on how much you loved the person and how active you are in your daily life,if you are jobless like me and you are trying to get over someone it can take longer.

[Gigabitch]

it depends on how much you loved the person and how active you are in your daily life,if you are jobless like me and you are trying to get over someone it can take longer.

That's a good point. Staying busy can help with the initial shocking pain of a breakup. It's that lingering ache that lasts for years that's the problem.

[senatorbob10]

Staying busy can help with the initial shocking pain of a breakup. It's that lingering ache that lasts for years that's the problem.

I disagree. Wallowing in a lost love is the motivational tool that defines the lust for love attained by humanity. You can't forget the atrocity that occurs because of a break-up...

When I was 18, I was planning on departing for college with a high school sweetheart I'd been dating since I was a freshman. I'm not sure whether it was the stress of the college ordeal or the jubilant senior year that made her realize how much better she could have, but she suddenly dumped me the day before graduation. Naturally, I couldn't attend the festivities...I remained home, clutching a copy of "Shakespeare's Greatest Love Poems" and reading stoically into the forlorn darkness. The house was cold and musty, but it was a soothing, comfortable moment...there was no reason to pout. Girls come, girls go. That's life for ya.

[Only-virgins]

There is no right answer, everyone is different. Depends on how stuck you are on the person. No formula can tell you the answer.

[Ath]

I don't like the half-life theory! That means I'm screwed

[LoveTwist]

There is no right answer, everyone is different. Depends on how stuck you are on the person. No formula can tell you the answer.

True enough. But as an indiviual, speaking individually, how do you personally know when you are sufficiently over someone to start dating again? Is there away to know at all? Is it merely a guess as to when you might be ready to move on? Because I have no idea.

[Gigabitch]

I think if there's any question, you're not ready.

[LoveTwist]

I think if there's any question, you're not ready.

So if theres always a question, you're never ready?

[Gigabitch]

So if theres always a question, you're never ready?

I think at some point, the natural instinct to mate would override any fears or hesitation engendered by the past relationship, and any question of readiness would be shouted down by the parliament of hormones surging in the blood.

[LoveTwist]

I think at some point, the natural instinct to mate would override any fears or hesitation engendered by the past relationship, and any question of readiness would be shouted down by the parliament of hormones surging in the blood.

What if your homones are weak and your instinct to mate is almost non-existant? Are you doomed to live alone, living in the past?