Dont know what to do

[Mrs. Bubbles]

Here is my story, I'm really lost and I need some advice. (I know its kinda long but please help)

Here are the basics:
I have been with my current boyfriend for a straight 8 months with no breakups. We have been on and off, for almost two years. I have know him for just as long, give a month or two.

I have a friend who is in the army. I have known him for about a year and a half. I met him during one of the breaks between my boyfriend and I. We have never dated, but that attraction has always been there. At the time of the meeting he was in a relationship so nothing happend. By the time he was free, my boyfriend and I were back together.

Today my friend, whos in Iraq by the way, told me that he and his girlfriend had broken up. Over the past few weeks he and I have talked, just to keep in touch and to give him some hope while hes in Iraq. Befor he left for Iraq he asked me to marry him, I was thrilled, but considering I was in a relationship, and at the time thought my relationship was on good ground, I brushed him off. Anyway today he and I were talking and he was telling me how he feels about me, which is nothing new to me, I know how he feels. But he told me that he wanted to see me when he returned to the states for his midtour. I dont have a problem with that, in fact I really do want to see him. He began to ask me about my relationship. In the beginning I told him that things were fine, but as we continued to talk I let out how I was feeling about it. He wants me to be with him. He wants to take care of me, and be all that my boyfriend is not.

My boyfriend is a homebody, he preferes to sit at home on his computer either programming or playing his xbox. He hates people. He doesnt like to go out, he hates the movies, and he doesnt like to go to clubs or bars. This is the complete opposite of me. I like to go out, I love people, I love the movies and going out to clubs and meeting people. Sometimes I feel as if he doesnt care about me, my feelings or whats important to me. An example would be during my birthday. This pass sunday was my birthday and I had tickets to go see the Broadway play The Lion King. The tickets had been ordered in January and I had told my boyfriend about them then. Around March I started asking him to go with me and he refused. Long story short, he refused to go with me, because he hated broadway, he stayed home to play his new xbox. I was hurt really hurt, I felt that dispite him hateing broadway he still should have gone because it was my birthday, and it was important to me.

I feel like this relationship with my boyfriend isnt working for me, but I dont know what to do. I dont know if I should leave the relationship or not. I know my friend feels that I can do better, and I know I can as well. I just dont know what to do. I feel that Im too young for the commitment that both of them want from me. Both want to marry me. Its just that I feel im to you at 20. My bf is turning 21 and my Army friend is 25. I need some advice. Should I dump the boyfriend (even though I really dont want to break his heart) or stay with him, or should break up with him and get with the Army guy?


Help!

[Glyph]

You may not want to break his heart, but I'm sure if he knew the fashion of the dialogue you're having with this Army guy, his heart might be broken anyway. Plus, while it's commendable that you don't want to hurt him - you're going to have to think about what you want the rest of your life to be. If you're so fundamentally different that you feel stifled or held back from the things you want to do, then perhaps this current guy isn't right for you, especially if this relationship is "on again, off again". I think that means something is missing, but you two keep prolonging the inevitable. And if he won't even pull himself out of his shell to treat you on your birthday . . . that's not going to work. My mother is dealing with my father being an incurable homebody who NEVER wants to go anywhere, or do anything (even basic, marital stuff, like helping with housework and stuff - just wants to play Playstation and computer games all the time), and where it's going just isn't a pretty sight.

You've basically got two options with your current guy - either your relationship will remain the same as a commitment (whether through marriage or whatever), or you're going to break up. You need to think about if you could deal with this guy's attitude and idiosyncrasies for the rest of your life. If you couldn't, that should tell you what you need to know.

And if you like this other guy, to boot, then go for it, girl. You get one life. Use it wisely.

[Gigabitch]

Regardless of whether or not you end up with the Army guy, you should break up with Mr. Wet Blanket. You're not well suited to one another, and you have your whole life ahead of you.

[senatorbob10]

Neither of these relationships will go anyware...you'd better grow up and find someone who actually cares about you. Please, these are obviously dead ends.

[Mrs. Bubbles]

Thanks guys, you've helped. Ill keep you updated on what happens

[Gigabitch]

I was thinking about your post last night. It reminded me very much of my ex-husband. When I look back on our relationship and wonder where it all went wrong, I see, with the clarity of hindsight, that it went wrong at the very beginning.

Red flag #1: The first year we were together, he totally blew off my birthday. He made all kinds of excuses, bla bla, he didn't know any better, bla bla. It was all bullshit. Don't EVER marry a man who doesn't make much of you on your birthday. It's a great indicator of what to expect in general.

[Only-virgins]

This pass sunday was my birthday and I had tickets to go see the Broadway play The Lion King.

EWWWWWWWWWWWW

[Mrs. Bubbles]

EWWWWWWWWWWWW

If this is all you can say about the enite post, why the f**k are you here. Give some advice or leave.

[Mrs. Bubbles]

Regardless of whether or not you end up with the Army guy, you should break up with Mr. Wet Blanket. You're not well suited to one another, and you have your whole life ahead of you.

Yea, i cant fault him entirely, he did take me out to dinner, but for me the problem was the fact that he didnt want to do something with me, that I wanted to dispite him not liking it, when I have done a number of things with him that I could have cared less about or even liked

[Gigabitch]

At this stage of your relationship, you should be ga-ga. You're not. See it for the sign that it is and get out, go find someone who makes you happy.

Three billion + guys out there. You don't have to stay with him.

[Only-virgins]

If this is all you can say about the enite post, why the f**k are you here. Give some advice or leave.

How the **** are we supposed to tell you who you like better? think about that numb nuts.

[vashti]

I feel like this relationship with my boyfriend isnt working for me, but I dont know what to do.

I don't believe you. You just lack the courage to do it.

[Mrs. Bubbles]

I don't believe you. You just lack the courage to do it.

Lack the courage to do what? Leave him? If thats what it is then yes your partially right, courage is a part of the problem

[vashti]

Why am I only partially right? What is the compelling reason you have for staying in a relationship that isn't working? Do you have kids? That's the only legitimate reason I can think of...

[Mrs. Bubbles]

Just wanted to update everyone. The bf and I broke up, well i guess that ex-bf now. He refused to meet in person to talk, he made some accusation and blamed me for everything thats gone wrong, so I ended it