Weird feelings...

[fitnessguy014]

Hey everyone. I've been dating my girlfriend for 6 months, and she couldn't be more perfect--truly, truly amazing girl who I love dearly. However, sometimes I get these weird feelings-- I don't wanna say doubt, because I'm xtremely confident in how I feel about her.

I'm thinking maybe because its my 2nd serious relationship, and she's totally different (and better) than my first girlfriend (who was also my first love, incidentally), which ended badly, but I got over eventually.

Maybe its because different relationships have different feelings, andim comparing how I feel with my girlfriend to how I felt in my first relationship? Maybe because they're drastically differentit worries me?

What do you guys think? I know I love her and wanna be with her!

[Glyph]

I know I love her and wanna be with her!

If this is true, then what's the problem?

Of course it feels different; your first relationship ended, so it's logical to think that perhaps the feelings in that relationship were some manner of misplaced or unhealthy. Healthy relationships feel different from unhealthy relationships.

You love her and want to be with her. That's pretty much what matters.

[Junket]

Dude, I know exactly what you're talking about.

In my case however, I'm stressing over a lot more than just my relationship with her, school, starting a new career, moving to a foreign place. Sometimes I just wanna cut and run to help me breathe a bit.

For a good two weeks I was caught under this kind of anxiety, that it wasn't worth it and I shouldn't even try.

But I've moved past it, 'cause it's a situation where my logic actually serves my emotion. That it's worth it.

I still have my bouts of doubt, it's kinda scary when you're focusing on more than one person's future. If I **** up when I'm single, it's like "big deal?", pick myself up and go again. But if I **** up when I'm in a relationship, I have to help pick up, or support somebody else as well.

[fitnessguy014]

So what would you recommend to do? Try and ignore it?

Is it because I could see myself marrying this girl?

[Junket]

So what would you recommend to do? Try and ignore it?

Is it because I could see myself marrying this girl?

No, don't ignore it.

In fact, face it, if you can pinpoint concerns with your girlfriend, sit her down and discuss it. You may not come up with concrete solutions to your worries, but you'll feel better discussing it. If you've discussed marriage yet (I'm assuming you haven't), I could see reason for you to be freaking out. My situation is that I'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, so it's easy to doubt it, however I know that whenever I'm with her, it's a completely different story. What's happening for me is that I'm separating the girl from the relationship.

I'm not looking at it as "Me and this girl aren't working out.", but rather "Me and this relationship isn't working out." See what I mean? I don't like this long distance thing, in fact I hate it, and I know it can't be sustained as it is. As a result I lost focus as to why I was in it in the first place. It's for her. The solution? To move closer, and find a job in that are for my career path.

Can you pinpoint why you're worrying as much as you are?

I know it can be hard to admit it, to say it or even write it. It's easy for a person to just act like there isn't a problem. The whole "There isn't anything wrong, but something feels off." Recognize the problem, face the problem, figure out how to deal with it. Solve it. But don't ignore it.

[fitnessguy014]

Well I'm not ignoring it, I just don't really know why I'm worrying--ithats why I came here haha.

its not about doubts on my feelings for her, because I'm completely comfident about that. That's why I'm so perplexed...like everythings great in our relationship.

I'd love to talk to her, but I'm scared she might take it the wrong way you know? How should I bring it up?

[Only-virgins]

I have no idea what feeling this guy is talking about.

[Junket]

I'd love to talk to her, but I'm scared she might take it the wrong way you know? How should I bring it up?

After a lot of thought, and after picking your words extremely carefully with constant reassurance.

But something is off, and you best get an idea what it is before you start spouting anything. Otherwise you'll present her with an unsolvable issue. She'll want to help fix it, but you gotta do your part first.

[fitnessguy014]

Hey Frasbee---I can't think of why I get these thoughts! It's so weird---I don't know if it's anxiety, or doubt---but i don't doubt anything! I've been plagued by this for about 2 weeks now, and I just wanna get rid of it because I love her so much.

The feeling is one that makes me feel bad, but I don't know what it is!

I don't wanna ask to take a break, because I know I'd go nuts without talking to her or seeing her daily.

Am I just retarded? :-/

[Junket]

Hey Frasbee---I can't think of why I get these thoughts! It's so weird---I don't know if it's anxiety, or doubt---but i don't doubt anything! I've been plagued by this for about 2 weeks now, and I just wanna get rid of it because I love her so much.

The feeling is one that makes me feel bad, but I don't know what it is!

I don't wanna ask to take a break, because I know I'd go nuts without talking to her or seeing her daily.

Am I just retarded? :-/

Dude, it's seriously something I can't answer. I'm sure there's some questions in your head, try asking them out loud to yourself, or writing them down. Try to break it down for yourself, write down everything that you like about the relationship, then write down the things you think may need work on. After all, few relationships can be passed as "perfect". You talk of marriage, but what do you need to accomplish before that's a realistic goal? What does she need to accomplish before that's a realistic goal? Do you need to finish school? Do you need to get your career started/stable? Does somebody need to move?

Do you still have fun with her?
Do you still go out?
Do you ever hang out with people other than her?
Are you satisfied with the emotional/intellectual aspects of the relationship (is she?)
Are you satisfied with the physical aspect of the relationship (is she?)

You don't need to respond to those questions here, but take them into consideration on your own, however you choose.

[fitnessguy014]

Yeah. We're stil 2 years in for school, and that's out #1 priority, we both agree. I wrote down an excerpt in my journal about how I feel, and i do feel better:

My feelings:

Whenever I’m with her, im so happy. She makes me smile, I love when I kiss her and feel her lyng next to me. I love when she smiles and I can see how adorable her face is---im legitimately nuts about this girl. But why do I get these random feelings of doubt? I KNOW I love her. I KNOW I wanna be with her…what is it? Is it my mind playing tricks on me? Is it anxiety that this girl is too good to be true for me? She does everything for me, and ive never had that before---maybe im scared that this could be the girl I stay with…for good. I just need to look at this logically: im happy with her. I love her, she makes me happy, im happy being with her, and love the person that she is. she's so caring, trustworthy, loyal, and most of all, giving. There’s nothing I would change about our relationship or her—it’s great! We communicate so effectively, we always talk about how we feel, we have a great time hanging out, and we’re both so in touch with our faith…and we can celebrate that together! It just doesn’t make sense to me---I think im overanalyzing this way too much..but that thought of doubt/weirdness plagues me way too much, and I just wanna get rid of it. It’s inhibiting my ability to enjoy my time with ally 100% with no holds barred. Everything is worth it with her---the talks, the phone calls, the kisses, and cuddling, I love it all. That’s the logic---I wanna be with her, but what’s going on in my mind?! I hope it can get answered somehow soon, because I feel so guilty for some reason, and I don’t know why. Please, God, give me a sign and help me out here.

-andrew

--We stll have a great time together.
--We never really went out to begin with -- we're both homebodies, and we hang in and cuddle a lot.
**During the school year, all my friends are away at school, so I dont really hang with them a lot. Could that be it fras? For some reason, it sounds like it can make sense to me. Summer's here now, and everyone's home. Out of all those q's you put up, this one struck me right away...maybe this is it?
--Definitely satisfied with emotionla/intellectual aspects. We reflect on things like this constantly...
--The physical aspect is still great -- I find her extremely beautiful and attractive, and I know she feels the same about me.

[Junket]

**During the school year, all my friends are away at school, so I dont really hang with them a lot. Could that be it fras? For some reason, it sounds like it can make sense to me. Summer's here now, and everyone's home. Out of all those q's you put up, this one struck me right away...maybe this is it?

I think this is something that's easily overlooked by many people.

It's alright to take some time off from your girlfriend and hang out with your buds. Shit dude, I'd say it's unhealthy if you don't. There might be things you're used to talking about, ways you're used to acting around your friends that you may not around your girlfriend.

You may be feeling a bit smothered.

So lets start with this first, it could be the key to your anxiety, or if it isn't, at least you can cancel it out. Go hang out with your friends, take a break from your girlfriend a bit, let her know you wanna go hang out, she should understand. Don't coming runnin' back to her at the end of the day/night, and refrain from callin' her while you are out.

People sometimes need some alone time, or time spent with a different crowd like friends or family. Just because you don't want to spend every waking hour with your girlfriend doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or your relationship. It's normal.

****, can you imagine spending that much time with anybody? I doubt it, I know I get sick of even some of my best of friends if I spend enough time with them.

You need to strike a balance.

If doing any of this doesn't seem to help, then come back, and we'll try to go from there.

[fitnessguy014]

A weight has been lifted Fras---I feel confident this may be it. Thanks a lot!...for some reason, I think you may be right. Summer may have come just in time! I think I'm gonna hang with friends a bit, and if it doesn't go away, I'll sure be back!

And do I bring this up to her? The whole smothering thing...because I don't FEEL smothered, but maytbe subconciously I am?

[Junket]

And do I bring this up to her? The whole smothering thing...because I don't FEEL smothered, but maytbe subconciously I am?

Nah, don't bring it up unless she asks you if there's an issue.

You shouldn't feel bound to her, you're not married yet.

Just make plans with your friends, then tell her you'll be hangin' out with them.

DO NOT ASK HER IF YOU CAN HANG OUT.

You shouldn't need to.

[fitnessguy014]

Ok...thanks a lot for all of your help Fras, means a lot to me man. Like I said, during the school year, all my friends are away---and they'll be back this week.

Her main issue is that her past boyfriend made her the back up plan to friends all the time, and she's expressed concern that she doesn't want that happening again to her, which is totally understandable.