Love knows no logic

[LoveTwist]

Warning!!! Long Post!!


I confess I have little experience in the field of love being only 20. However, I’ve learnt enough over the years to know that love and logic are light years apart.

I feel I’ve come to a juncture in my life and there’s several routes I could go down. One where I live up to my name and essentially fall into a pit of bitterness which strengthens my twisted cynical view of the world. Another where I coast along as I have been doing, feeling the sting of loneliness haunt me… but I ignore it… in hope of a better future where I’ll one day meet someone… my ‘soul mate’ some might say… and keep an optimistic mind set that love does exist and one day I can find it.

Or, as I’ve recently become aware there’s another path… I could turn round and go back the way I came. By this I do not mean obsess over my past, well not exactly. More along the lines that if I turn back my ex bf may don't know for sure, but he's hinted at it) still be there waiting for me with open arms.

Now.. I can guess the first thing you’re thinking, “Why the hell would you go back to an ex?? Especially one that dumped you!! An ex is an ex for a reason you retard!!” Am I right? …. Well if you are indeed thinking that then you're totally correct, more so than you realise… as you don’t know how blatantly logic bars this path... But I do... I know that my ex bf had many faults…. Not only that but there are many reasons he dumped me… and if they are what I think, then these are not small things. These are relatively major incompatibility issues I’m talking about.

So you might wonder, “Why the hell would I darken this forum with these obviously clear reasonings?” You’d probably say without a doubt that I should forget this ex and not look back. And that is exactly what my logic tells me. However, something inside me longs to go back to him. Not even because I want to particularly, not because I fancy him, not because I really ‘need’ him, but still something drives me to go back. This is what eludes me. This is what I DO NOT GET!! Why???

Is it because loneliness plagues me and I’ll do whatever I can to find a cure? Do the withdrawal symptoms of a love deficiency drive me down this crazy route?

Seriously I don’t trust my own judgements anymore. I am swayed to go with logic and take the hopeful optimistic route… but my emotions continue to push me backwards… and it seems I can only throw myself into the pit of bitterness to escape this force.... From my experiences I can only conclude that love is an inescapable logic less taunt that disrupts our lives... sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.... but we don’t have a say in which it will be.

If I let love guide me, then I will end up where I started… ruled by my emotions and lost in a sea of nonsensical ‘feelings’…. If I fall into the pit, I am ever doomed to a life of bitterness and loneliness. And if I take the 3rd route I would need all the strength that I could muster, and I’m too weak, for logic cripples my spirit with hints that I am destined to walk through this life alone.

In other words – Should I let my heart or my head guide me? And if, as I suspect,.. you say both.. how do I achieve a functioning mix of love and logic? Is it even possible?

Do you think if you know that you are not suited to relationships, you should avoid them for the sake of yourself and others?

[Ath]

I could tell you all day it's a bad idea to return. At your age, there's a whole world in front of you. Don't get me wrong, If my Ex came begging, I don't know what I'd do. I know what I'm supposed to do, but chances are it's a decision that will never be made.

I agree, there's little logic and love have in common. I've been on both paths, and at this point in my life, I can't see them ever co-mingling.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

-Ath

[vashti]

I generally think it is wiser to not allow your heart to rule over your mind because your heart will double-cross you. However, I realize that at your age, few people will listen because they seem to have a need to learn by experience.

[LoveTwist]

Thanks for the advice guys.

Ath- Good to know I'm not alone.
Vashti - Thats probably very good advice. I know I should never go back. But my logic tells me I should avoid love altogether because it messes with my mind so much.

*Sighs* Guess at this point its best to avoid talking to my ex if possible and just go with the flow and see where life takes. Thats probably the best route. Guess I am really to young to worry about ending up alone...

Theres a long road ahead of me and who knows what might happen or who I might meet along the way. If my ex really is destined to come back into my life maybe I'll meet him again somedown the road who knows.

No matter what, many thanks for the advice, know my post wasn't the easiest to read. Thanks guys!

[Junket]

I generally think it is wiser to not allow your heart to rule over your mind because your heart will double-cross you. However, I realize that at your age, few people will listen because they seem to have a need to learn by experience.

Seem to?

No, people really do.

I thought knowledge was parallel to wisdom.

Experience taught me otherwise.

[vashti]

But my logic tells me I should avoid love altogether because it messes with my mind so much.

That is not logic speaking to you; that is fear.

[Junket]

That is not logic speaking to you; that is fear.

Fear is a tool of survival.

One of the most basic, but to avoid what you fear is logical.

[Ath]

Fear is a tool of survival.

One of the most basic, but to avoid what you fear is logical.

Right.. fear is basic a basic tool of survival.

But avoiding what you fear can be construed as avoidance behavior. By avoiding what you fear, you are perpetually safe, yet confined to that avoidance. It's a nasty chain that we all have to break at some point or another.

[LoveTwist]

Fear is a tool of survival.

One of the most basic, but to avoid what you fear is logical.

Assume you mean, 'to avoid what you fear is illogical'??... if so then yes in some cases thats true, depending on what you fear.... If you fear the dark and you're trying to conquer that fear of course you need to confront it. However, if you fear lions or paranas or some other viscious animal then a fear of them is perfectly logical.
In this case it all depends on what you can live with. Say you've got a phobia of big dogs, would you put in the time and effort to conquer this fear or would you just avoid big dogs who may be dangerous anyway?

There is 2 things I fear here. One is loneliness, the other is intimacy and relationships.... Which one should I face long term? I've already tried out both and so far I had a worse reaction to the relationship. So logic tells me that it is loneliness I should face and relationships that I should avoid. Also if I enter a relationship then I am not only effecting myself, but someone else as well. Is it not logical to avoid a situation if you know how badly you are likely to react to it?

[Tiay]

Assume you mean, 'to avoid what you fear is illogical'??... if so then yes in some cases thats true, depending on what you fear.... If you fear the dark and you're trying to conquer that fear of course you need to confront it. However, if you fear lions or paranas or some other viscious animal then a fear of them is perfectly logical.
In this case it all depends on what you can live with. Say you've got a phobia of big dogs, would you put in the time and effort to conquer this fear or would you just avoid big dogs who may be dangerous anyway?

There is 2 things I fear here. One is loneliness, the other is intimacy and relationships.... Which one should I face long term? I've already tried out both and so far I had a worse reaction to the relationship. So logic tells me that it is loneliness I should face and relationships that I should avoid. Also if I enter a relationship then I am not only effecting myself, but someone else as well. Is it not logical to avoid a situation if you know how badly you are likely to react to it?

ok I haven't read the rest of this so i'll just barge in randomly.

It's not like the situation is something like.. you had a bad reaction to skydiving, or african safari's. Relationships are a huge part of life. Unlike big dogs, you can't just cut them out easily and without loosing anything.
The fear of lions and piranhas is just a fear of physical harm. I guess fear of intimacy/relationships is fear of emotional harm.

[LoveTwist]

ok I haven't read the rest of this so i'll just barge in randomly.

It's not like the situation is something like.. you had a bad reaction to skydiving, or african safari's. Relationships are a huge part of life. Unlike big dogs, you can't just cut them out easily and without loosing anything.
The fear of lions and piranhas is just a fear of physical harm. I guess fear of intimacy/relationships is fear of emotional harm.

Feel free to barge in. And yes you are comletely right.

Relationships our a major part of life, or they can be if you don't avoid them. I don't know whats for the best. Its not like I really want to end up alone, but it just seems I'm unsuited to relationships. Not affraid exactly, just unsuited. Guess maybe I just haven't found 'the one' someone who's compatible with me. I don't want to give up, I want to believe there is someone out there for me, but with the way I react to relationships I just don't know if there is. I thought I tried really hard with my last relationship and I don't think I would have ever given up on him if he hadn't dumped me...

But looking back I realise that we weren't compatible and a large part of that was because of my issues. Not just with sex, (I'm pretty sure I'm assexual, or at least have an extremely low sex drive) but with the relationship in general. I'd often get really depressed and stressed out over relatively minor things and always assume it was the end. Was always worrying that he'd break up with me and in the end he did.
What really scares me is that I got so emotional about things, because thats not what I'm usually like. I'm usually pretty laid back, throwing in some Simpsons quote to lighten the mood and basically making fun of just about everything in life.

But when I was in a relationship I'd get upset if my bf didn't ring me and I knew it was stupid, I knew it was pathetic, but I couldn't help it. It was like my emotions just completely took over, a kind of 'needy' behaviour.
And thats not how I like to think of myself, because usually I have the 'I don't care attitude' and take life in my stride. For example, I've had a lot of health problems in my life and a while back I had to have a serious opperation. I could have died. But that didn't upset me. That didn't stress me out and play havoc with my emotions like being in a relationship did.

[vashti]

Frasbee - Logic tells you that the vast majority of people in the world experience intimate relationships, and that it is statistically likely that you will, too - not that it is a good idea to avoid them.

[LoveTwist]

Frasbee - Logic tells you that the vast majority of people in the world experience intimate relationships, and that it is statistically likely that you will, too - not that it is a good idea to avoid them.

True. Totally true. But everyone is different. And logic can be tuned to your own experiences. So if for example you experience that you're allergic to bread then you'll avoid eating it, even if everyone else in the world eats it.

[vashti]

I think you will outgrow your cynicism.

[LoveTwist]

I think you will outgrow your cynicism.

mmm... maybe... I really hope so. Cynicism sucks when it leaves you with loneliness.