oregon

[HopelssRomantic]

my boyfriend was missing his mom. she left him when he was 2 (17 years ago). i went on the net, found her and they reunited. now, she is taking him to oregon to meet his grandpa...for a month. This woman has met me once...and ever since she's been in the picture she's tried to break us up. its not that i dont want him to go to oregon...i dont want him to go for so long. she doesnt understand how much ive been there for him....i got him out of debt, i got him insured, i got him 16,000 dollars for finacial aid. ect... im the kinda person that invites him everywhere....he is the first boyfriend ever that has met my family in colorado, he is the first boyfriend who met my grandpa..we even drove up to san fran and stayed at his house....and for the first time, i got to bring a boyfriend to my sisters xmas...and thats amazing....like...really amazing...she even got him a gift.

is there anything that i can do?

heres what i what:
1. to go with him up there (even if i go up after hes been there for a couple days)
2. to have him not go for so long

a month is just too long for a college student living on his friends couch to be away from work and school...its just not how it works...and i dont think his mother is being a very good mom doing that....he is very impressionable towards her...and she is basically teaching him that it is ok to escape for a month

also, i think its rude to ask me just to wait around and be ok with it...and not be sad...cuz that is what he expects....

on top of all that...i was invited when they first met by the grandpa....and then his mom brought it up and i said "ya...*grandpa* invited me to that" and she thought i was rude for inviting myself!!! (reason #1 why she does like me)

reason #2 is alex invited me to meet her for the first time...and instead of saying "i want *girlfriend* to meet you tonight" he said "*girlfriend* wants to meet you tonight" so she thinks i invited myself.

any advice? :\

[zro]

its very hard for us on the net to judge unless we had been through this exact ****ing situation, i havent but my logic is:

he would be very excited about meeting his mom (good on you for putting in the time and effort to reunite, that alone shows that you are a good gf) and maybe right now, he needs space, lets face ****ing facts, they have ALOT of catching up to do and it would be hard with you there, this would be a very personal time for him and maybe its best if he does this alone with no outside influences

He's 19 now i assume, you are not the smartest at that age but i doubt he is completely retarded, surely he must have a concept of what to do and not to do - so unless he is extremely reckless or immature i wouldnt worry too much about him going off and messing up his life....obviously you know him and i dont so you are in a better position to judge

About the mother trying to break you up, i dont know, i am not phsychic but just maybe she is feeling guilty and seeing another woman care for her son the way you do (the way she should have), just increases that guilt - so maybe she is just taking it out on you, my advice (which again as mentioned before may not be ****ing helpful at all) would be to let her and her son sort out their shit, and if she forgives herself then she might see you for who you really are - a very good and caring gf

[vashti]

Why would you bother to try to reunite someone you love with a woman who abandoned him when he was a baby? If she wanted to see him, SHE should have been the one jumping through hoops, not you.

Anyway, it is too late now. I agree with zro - this is not the time for you to be clinging to him. He wants to try to recreate what he missed growing up.

I also don't see why it is a big deal for a college student to go on vacation for a month. He certainly won't be able to do this once he is employed with a wife and children. Besides, doesn't he have the summer off?

[HopelssRomantic]

well..i did it because i thought that it would make him happy.
he does have summer off but he dropped 3 of his 4 classes and failed the other one. (we made a deal that he could drop the classes if he promised to make them up in summer school)
and its all of a sudden..i found out yesterday that he isleaving on the 4th

[Gribble]

well..i did it because i thought that it would make him happy.
he does have summer off but he dropped 3 of his 4 classes and failed the other one. (we made a deal that he could drop the classes if he promised to make them up in summer school)
and its all of a sudden..i found out yesterday that he isleaving on the 4th

Wow. Sounds like he has a bright future ahead of him. And you're with this guy because...?

[Junket]

Sounds like you are his mother...

[Gigabitch]

Sounds like you are his mother...

I was thinkin' the same thing.

Don't worry, hopeless. His mom is a ****up. Give her some time and she'll **** up again. Let him go.

The more pressing issue is the fact that you don't have a boyfriend- you have a project. You have one of those dogs you get from the shelter when they're five years old and it's too late to train them right- all you can do is damage control.

I don't care how wonderful you think he is- he's a ****up. Just like his mother. I think you should take the time he's gone to re-evaluate what your life would be like if you weren't pouring all of your energy into a broken person.