Woman to Woman

[nebulachic]

Imagine you hooked up with an old flame from years ago at a weekend event (no sex though). A lot of sparks flew and you even talked about starting a life again. He mentioned he was seeing someone but said it might be over soon. You communicate via email for 4 months because you live across the country and schedules do not allow for visiting.

One day he sends you an email saying things have progressed with the woman he was already seeing and he's made a commitment to her. 3 months later he sends you an apology email because he hadn't apologized in the initial email. He calls you before you can even respond a few days later to confirm you received it and talk about what happened. (According to my b/f she said she was over it and moving on with her life -- so imagine you also feel that way)

A month after the apology email you get the following email from the woman he is seeing (the timeline is true to life):
__________________________________________________ ____________
Dear Tina,

This is Lisa... the woman Dave is seeing. I contemplated whether or not to send this for some time now but felt too compelled in light of Dave's recent contact with you. Several months ago I became aware of your involvement with Dave last August and the months that followed. At that time, he told me he had let you know the last time he saw you (Nov), that he was in love with and fully committed to me and dispelled notions of a romantic future for the two of you.

Dave and I have been seeing each other since Sep 2005. He has expressed interest in establishing a life with me throughout our relationship, beginning early on, to just this past weekend. I would like to know for certain things between you have truly been terminated romantically... particularly since learning of his recent contact with you and he told me of your plans to visit the area again in a few months to see your family. Unfortunately, I am finding it difficult to fully trust Dave's level of ability to be honest with me these days.

I hold no ill feelings towards you Tina. I am just hoping to engage in honest and respectful exchange with you to shed some light on the situation and avoid another potential chapter of this triangle from ensuing.

Please respond to this email, or if you feel more comfortable, call me on my cell anytime.

Best regards,
Lisa
__________________________________________________ ____________
1) What do you think of the letter? Does it sound defensive to you at all?

2) Would you respond to the email if you really were over what happened?

3) Would you respond if you weren't over what happened?

4) Would you respond if things had been rekindled between you and him during the phone call the month previous?

[vashti]

If you wrote me that letter, I would know for sure you lost.

Dump the boyfriend, for the 1000th time. He's no good, and he never will be. Have you absolutely no dignity to preserve?

[Junket]

If you wrote me that letter, I would know for sure you lost.

Dump the boyfriend, for the 1000th time. He's no good, and he never will be. Have you absolutely no dignity to preserve?

Maybe it's all she have left to fight for in her life. Her driving purpose y'know?

But I agree. She seems to revolve around deceit.

[vashti]

Maybe it's all she have left to fight for in her life. Her driving purpose y'know?

I tend to vascilate between pity and frustration with this one. She's throwing away what is left of her youth on a good-for-nothing loser, and she knows it but doesn't care enough to stop it.

I bet her mom is heartbroken.

[Ellynn]

Stay away from this guy! He has a gf and he seems committed to her.

Sometimes you have to just back away from people like this even if they are trying to come on to you. (I know I learned that the hard way.)

[misombra]

1) What do you think of the letter? Does it sound defensive to you at all?

no.

2) Would you respond to the email if you really were over what happened?

yes.

3) Would you respond if you weren't over what happened?

yes.

4) Would you respond if things had been rekindled between you and him during the phone call the month previous?

yes.

i would tell her everything. it took her a lot of guts to write you, now have some guts yourself.

[vashti]

I am thinking nebulachick IS the girlfriend, and her boyfriend has been running around. (again.)

[misombra]

oh, i don't care then. waste your years away with a worthless man. i couldn't care less.

[nebulachic]

Just thought ya'll might want to know... it's finally over. And this is an email I rec'd from Tina just before she came back to the area. We have talked on the phone twice since too and she has invited me to her place in LA in Jan.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____

Hi Lisa:

How are you? Hope things are going well with you.

Just wanted to let you know that I will be in your neck of the woods July ** through August **. Please do NOT let Dave out of your sight during these dates.

He has already caused way too much trouble between you, me and his sister. He is a troubled man: full of fears, doubts and more importantly - distrust in himself. He often confuses his version of the facts (the way things truly are) with actual truth; which is most unhealthy and unfair for those around him. He tells you one thing and his sister another - mostly hearsay and gossips! He draws us all into his drama (based on his insecurities) and justifies it somehow.

As a member of the <Buddhist group>, we are brought to believe that: not only Action but Thoughts alone are able to cause de-Merits (Karmic debts). Whatever thoughts and doubts Dave still has (e.g., fantasies) about me or otherwise, would result in great harm to him. Remember: I am a simple and humble Nun - no more, no less.

My aspirations as a Nun is to bring great Joy and Happiness to all living beings but am unable to bring this Joy and Happiness via any sexual relationships, for this would result in the breach these Sacred Vows. No man is worth the breach of these Vows. If Dave believes he is above these Vows, then he will need to re-evaluate his self worth in my eyes. Even if I were not in Robes, nothing would be different in what I have to say today.

Just yesterday, I was chatting with his sister (via e-mail) and telling her how lovely I believe you are in having to "deal" with Dave - a lost soul. You are one brave gal to take him on and yes, he is fearful of you.

I write this with much Compassion for you and Dave. He is welcomed to read this - at your choosing.

with Blessings,

Tina
a simple nun

[Gigabitch]

Just thought ya'll might want to know... it's finally over.

I am so happy to hear that, neb! Good for you!

Are you taking steps to make sure it STAYS over?

1) Tell everyone so they'll be disappointed if you go back.

2) Rebound it up with some hot young guy half Dave's age.

3) Make a new plan for your life.

[IndiReloaded]

1) What do you think of the letter? Does it sound defensive to you at all?

no.

2) Would you respond to the email if you really were over what happened?

yes.

3) Would you respond if you weren't over what happened?

yes.

4) Would you respond if things had been rekindled between you and him during the phone call the month previous?

yes.

i would tell her everything. it took her a lot of guts to write you, now have some guts yourself.

+1

She actually sounds like a reasonable person, not at all insecure. Just wanting to figure out WTF is going on.

He sounds like an ass who can't make up his mind.

How would *you* feel if you were in her position?

EDIT: Good for you its over. Im totally confused, tho. Who is seeing whom? ARe you dating this confused ass? Or washing your hands of them both? They both sound really weird to me.

[vashti]

Finally, some good news. I'm really glad to hear it.