OH DEAR... the old best friend thing...

[Roberto]

Right, well basically i've had this best friend for only about 6 months, but she is a REALLY good friend and i've never felt anything but friendship for her before. However in the past week or so i've started to have feelings for her, and i really like her. If i'm honest about my shallow ways - this is the first time (i'm 17 by the way) that i've ever felt like this about someone purely for what's inside. I was always afraid this might happen and now it has. As far as i can tell / know, she has no love for me and i would be speculating only in hope if i said i thought she might.
So here's the deal:
She has a boyfriend but they are on the verge of breaking up, it's quite unstable because he's not a great boyfriend (in my completely unbiased opinion ) - as he doesn't take her home from places and goes for weeks without calling. He's always upsetting her and she's always crying on MY shoulder (not literally) but the thing is i think she still likes him despite this, even though he doesn't seem to care at all about their relationship and she has even questioned whether he may be cheating on her.
I normally get nervous and very shy around people i like, but obviously as we're friends that's a bit different. I *DO* care about her both as a friend and now as more, and although these feelings make things more complicated - there's not a lot i can do about them.
So should i talk to her, and risk ruining everything we already have?
Or do i keep her in the dark about this even though it then feels like i'm decieving her?
Sorry if that was long, if it wasn't... well then i retract my apology - thanks for any feedback.

[sfalexi]

Best advice I read here about sometihng like that was from I think Icequeen. To paraphrase, "Start behaving like a boyfriend, and you'll turn into one." Invite her out just the two of you, pay for the dinner, be nice and funny, show her what it would be like if YOU were her boyfriend. Hold her hand, put your arm around her shoulder, etc. She'll probably grow closer toyou and eventually really think of you as boyfriend material.

Alexi

[K3vMySt3r]

sfalexi is correct...if u are that close to her as friends i'm sure u're close to her so yes holding hands and just show how much of a good bf U can be... but i don't think sfalexi theory about holding hands with someone who u're not close to is a bright idea but still its a good one

[snoopy43]

Ditto what was said above. Most important though. Ease into it. Don't try to rush things and want to be her 'boyfriend' NOW. If you show her more of your heart, you just might be surprised.

[sfalexi]

but i don't think sfalexi theory about holding hands with someone who u're not close to is a bright idea but still its a good one

You misunderstood me. THis is all directed to his ALREADY close friend. And she'll become even closer.

Alexi

[Roberto]

Thanks for the advice, I saw her again today, it's really weird, someone who i've only really looked at as a friend before... i mean we already do stuff like hold hands from time to time - we're quite comfortable around each other. It's tempting just to talk to her about it, but seeing as i have no reason to believe she feels the same way i suppose just taking time is the best thing i can do.

[Roberto]

Ok well, she has broken up with her boyfriend now - or rather he broke up with her... So she still liked him really - does this change anything?
I'm pretty sure she doesn't or hasn't liked me in any other way than as a friend - just sort of can tell you know. :S

[squirrley]

Yea she still might have feelings for him, you cant just turn them on and off like hot water, (wish we could). So just sit back watch, and pay attention to her. Not overwhelm the girl, but let her know you're there!

Goodluck

[sfalexi]

And careful of becoming a "rebound" guy. Someone she turns to because she misses "companionship". But if you're already good friends I don't think there's TOO much chance of you just becoming a rebound should she want to go out with you.