Really need some helpful thoughts and advice

[Claire84]

Been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years (both 23), we have not had sex as I am fearful it will be painful. The thing is I do want sex! I just don't know how to go about being relaxed and what to take my mind off the pain. I think its the 5 inch girth putting me off and pushing the hymen! It is taking its toll and he said he will be off next week if we don't try. He says its not that he doesn't care he just feels rejected and is starting to get angry. He has been a saint waiting that long - I know he hasn't cheated.

Our relationship is starting to go rocky, his parents are trying to turn him against me and I'm scared this sex problem will end it all. I don't think it helped today when I accidently texted him men are a swear word so I had to make up an excuse. I want a future and so does he, I tried councelling but that wasn't helpful as they finished the sessions after so long. How long does the initial pain last? How long would the first time last? How do you relax and get in the mood? Any help is much appreciated.

Thanks

[misombra]

a guy needs to make a girl feel relaxed, whether it's her first time or not, but especially the first time. are you sure you're completely comfortable with him? does he try to relax you?

is he a virgin too?

[Claire84]

I am a virgin, he is not.

[thelonius]

Sex is a beautiful thing. It is the most intimate moment that a couple can share with each other. Just note that engaging in it, should be based on what you two truly feel for each other. As indicated in your post -- 3 years and no cheating on his part -- it seems that your relationship is really a serious one [and I mean that in a positive way].

It is a given that there will be discomfort on your first time, but it shouldn't be too much. Later on, it will always be joy, especially when you're doing it with the person you really love and trust. Try alleviating the situation by educating yourself about it ... there are numerous books, video and paraphernalia that can make that possible for you. Always remember that foreplay, plays a very vital role in it, as it helps relieve any feelings of tension and anxiety associated with sex. Good luck.

[Gigabitch]

Aegis is right- unless you're physically malformed, you really don't have so much to worry about.

I can't imagine where you would have gotten the idea that having sex for the first time is going to be excruciating. Whoever told you that was a liar. A liar, do you hear me?

It doesn't have to be like that, and if you're too nervous to get turned on, thereby producing the lubricant that nature intended to ease this process of genital penetration, maybe it's time you went to the store and bought a big old tube of KY.

Have you tried sticking a finger up there, at least, or are you afraid of your own vagina?