No Idea What To Do

[nyc123]

so... this is quite a long/complicated story with a long history behind it, but i will try to make it as short as possible:

so i've been friends with this boy for almost 5 years (since we were 15). we've always been really close and could talk about anything. we always flirted and stuff but it was never anything more than that because we were both always seeing someone else.

last summer we ended up hooking up (just like making out and stuff), but i was in a really bad place at the time, so i ended up doing something stupid, so he stopped talking to me for a long time.

march rolls around and he starts talking to me again. it was nice considering we'd always been close, but i just assumed that he was just talking to me again so he could get some ass over the summer (we were both in our first year of college). when summer rolls around, we start talking a lot through text message and stuff, realizing that there was still something there and trying to figure out what we should do about that.

he finally comes home and i only see him one night. we ended up sleeping together. so, for some reason, i ended up going with him and his family to their lake house that weekend and stayed two nights with him. after that, he was going to go out of town for the rest of the summer, so i was ready to accept it as having been a really good weekend. everything kind of felt right and it was really nice, which was really nice for me after my first year of college which was filled with a lot of drama when it came to boys.

anyways, as i'm driving to work that morning, he sends me all these text messages apologizing for being so stupid and telling me that he really cares about me but was ignoring it until now. so we end up talking every night and things are going really well, and i planned to go visit him in colorado (although it's over 1000 miles away from where i am now) for about a week. however, my mom pretty much threatened to disown me if i went (that's another whole story comopletely).

so, when he finds out i can't go visit him, his solution is for us to stop talking to each other. well, when we do that, i can't stop thinking about him and i kind of go crazy, so i call or text him and we end up talking again. and then after a day or so he says "i can't do this anymore" or "i can't keep doing this" followed by a long silence and that's it. then i avoid calling/texting him for a day or so bc i think 1.that's what he wants 2.that's what would be best, but then i just call him and the whole situation just starts over again.

he goes to college in ohio and i in new york. i know neither of us can do a long distance relationship, but i just feel like it can't just end like this. it's like 5 years of feelings finally were able to surface and now i just have to pretend like they didn't? he doesn't come home until after i leave for school and every time i ask him to come visit me at school he makes a joke about it saying he doesn't like new yorkers or the kids at my school so he won't come visit.

part of me feels like i should just stop talking to him and forget about this completely. but part of me really just feels like i need to see him at least one more time because there's just been absolutely no closure. plus, since he hasn't seemed to make any effort to see me and expects me to do all the work, i feel like maybe it's not even worth it to try anymore. then again, i feel like, knowing him and the kind of person he is, if he wanted to give up on me, he would've already done it by now.

so i guess the question is, do i try to salvage anything out of this and figure out when i can see him next? or say goodbye and try to move on?

[naoki322]

in my opinion...i think a goodbye would be the best. Lond distance stuff is hard work. Especially when your mom disagrees with it. Search elsewhere, 5 years is long. but shit happens you know?

[Gigabitch]

Don't say goodbye- say see you later. It's not the same thing.

What do you need closure for? Leave that door cracked open- keep in touch with him. You don't have to have a full-on relationship with him right now, but why make sure it never happens?

It won't always feel so dire. Set up some boundaries- talk to him about the rules of your continued connection. Maybe he can't handle constant contact or messaging. Maybe you could promise to email each other once a month or something.

I'm talking from experience, here. I split up with someone a long time ago because I couldn't handle the long distance thing and, for complicated reasons, didn't want him moving here. There were no hard feelings, and we went our separate ways but always kept in touch, and I'm so glad we did because now we're back together.

This could work for you, too. Whatever you've got with this guy should not be dismissed, and it sounds like it won't survive a long distance relationship. Don't **** it up- put it aside until you both can give it the attention it deserves.

[nyc123]

that's the best and most grounded advice i've been given about this situation. thank you.