This love feels different than the last time...

[Tangerine]

I feel so silly asking this, but I feel I must.

Why does love feel differently the second time around? Is it because I'm 22 now instead of 16? Is it that I'm more level headed and calm about things, and not an overly emotional 16 year old girl?

The first time I feel in love I was head-over-heels, and bonkers over the person. It lasted for 7 months- then we broke up- and we had a weird relationship over the next three years (we still loved eachother). All the while we both kept dating other people (not cheating, we just always seemed to come back to eachother once one of our relationships ended).

I just got over that guy a year ago and meet my current boyfriend nealy 8 months ago (we started dating soon after we meet).

I love him, I adore him, and I can see myself with him for a long time. But I'm not insane over him like I was with my first love. It bothers me from time to time because it makes me question my feelings for him. I don't really see why I should, because he makes me happy. But I just can't get over the fact that this isn't the same feeling I had the first time around.

***It might be helpful to note that I have a history of self-doubts and insecurties about relationships. And when I get negative thoughts in my head, they don't seem to want to leave easily.

Any advice is greatly appreciated

[sine24]

I think the reason that this relationship feels different to your first, is because you have matured, you've experienced and you just aren't as hormonal as you were when you were a 16-year old.

It's great that you mentioned that you're an insecure person..because i think this is the root of the problem. You feel like your relationship isn't right, merely because of the fact that you aren't feeling "insane" over this guy. this person is making you happy, and you say you love him..so just enjoy it.

people say you never get over your first love, maybe that could be another explanation for the way you're feeling.

As an aside, i wish you the best of luck. Congratulations on finding someone who makes you this happy!

[miSSleepy]

I'm the same way actually.
However, with this new guy, is there any physical attraction, butterflies etc, at least initially? How long have you known him? If he's a friend he may fit well like an old shoe which is why you aren't going crazy over him.

[Tangerine]

I'm the same way actually.
However, with this new guy, is there any physical attraction, butterflies etc, at least initially? How long have you known him? If he's a friend he may fit well like an old shoe which is why you aren't going crazy over him.

There is definately physical attraction... I tried dating a guy once I wasn't physically attracted too (but I liked his personality)-- bad idea. I'll never do that again.

I get all giddy around him. I find him quite handsome. Right now he is away in Europe for a few weeks and I make all sorts od retarded, happy coos when I read the letters he sends me. I even washed his beloved stuffed animal for him (he's 23 and LOVES this thing).

I meet him on a blind date and we instantly hit it off. I remember feeling sad that he didn't hug me on our first date (I thought that meant he didn't like me). I was used to guys trying to do a LOT on a first date. I basically went home and freaked out because I liked him so much, and was worried that would be the last time I'd see him.

I guess it makes me question my love for him, all the doubting I do. But I also have to remind myself that I did that with my first love too--- it's like some OCD thought process or something. And I was crazy about my first love- and I still questoned it at the time.

It sucks because I'm well aware that I think about things in ways that make them worse then they really are. I have a history of depression, OCD, and an eating disorder (started at the end of the first 'love' relationship--- now I'm 90% recovered). I constantly have to remind myself that sometimes my thought process is not like other peoples, and that I need to be more forgiving with myself.

I remember once asking my mom what it felt like when she meet my dad. She said there wasn't fireworks, but she just liked him a lot, and it grew into love, but she stated she was never crazy about him. They have been happily married for 33 years now.

Sorry about all the rambeling. I just need help sorting this all out.

[miSSleepy]

Well then it does seem you're doing too much doubting and I think your feelinsg for this guy are genuine. The craziness is often just hormones and it passes anyway. I can't possibly help you sort out the rest of your issues, but hopefully you'll realise that you do love your bf.