to tell...or not to tell...that is the question

[reeba]

I have been dating a man for 5 months who is 'outside of my circle' so he doesn't know much about my past. My problem is that I just don't carry a little baggage, I'm a freight liner.

He already knows that the chances are good that I'm going back to either Iraq or Afghanistan in about a year. This seems like it is in the distant future so we haven't discussed what this means to our relationship.

He also knows just a little bit about that the man I was engaged to was killed in a car accident, and that I still have some major issues regarding this. It is survivor's guilt.

But what he doesn't know is that I am only 2 years in remmission from cancer. I have a great prognosis (so good that the military wants to send me back overseas). But I honestly believe that this will be the 'deal breaker'.

The reason why I believe this is that he is a widower and his wife had died of a long term illness. I'm sure my potential for relapse is the last thing he will want to deal with. He knows that I was very sick and I still see the doc a lot, but he never asks why I go see the doc. I think that he is too scared to ask.

I have already decided that if I come out of remission that I will leave him. So does it matter if I don't tell him about the cancer? What if he finally asks why I go to the doc so much?

[vashti]

I think that to withhold this information is to deny him the right to choose his course in life. Sorry, I think you should tell him.

Good luck.

[IndiReloaded]

You'll need to tell him at some point. This isn't the kind of info you withhold in an LTR.

[Tiay]

give him some credit, he deserves to make up his own mind, not have you decide for him.

[miSSleepy]

You need to tell him
but really, a year ... not that long, trust me

[Al Pacino]

tell him the truth honestly...

[IndiReloaded]

BTW, congrats on your remission. Keep strong.

[alidile]

sorry but you really need to suck it up and tell him what's going on regardless, that's not fair to him otherwise, or yourself. you must be a wreck too so just let it out even if it ends

[Gigabitch]

There's really nothing like the crappy feeling of realizing someone's been keeping something from you. The longer this goes on, the more he's going to feel like you just didn't think you could trust him and that could do more damage than all of the baggage put together.

Be who you are, reeba, even if you're a freight liner.

[ExpoNovak]

I'm really shocked that no one has said this, but if someone breaks up with you because you had cancer then they aren't worth dating anyway. If we all let the "what ifs" rule our life none of us would get out of bed in the morning.