Relationship Rookie

[Indiependant]

Hi,

I'm new to the forums, so first a little background. I have spent many years single, and recently made the decision to try for that long term relationship.

I met a girl on holiday that I was completely mad for, and let her know that half way through the holiday. She turned me down. Upon getting back to the UK, we arranged to spend a weekend together as friends. She suggested some no strings attached fun, which was very cool with me However, at the end of the weekend it turned out that she was crazy about me. We've continued to see each other for a few weeks now, meeting up at weekends.

She seems to be the perfect girl for me to have a relationship with, she is mad about me, but my feelings for her don't seem to be close to hers. I don't get that 'special' feeling when we kiss, and don't really miss her as much as I should when she's not about. However, I really enjoy her company and really want this to work.

Do I continue with this relationship in the hope that my feelings for her will get stronger over time, or do I break it off before I hurt her too much?

I would really appreciate some advice on this one

Many thanks

Ant

[vashti]

I don't really se anything wrong with casual dating... if you want her to keep her feelings in check, tell her you are enjoying your time together, but think it is only fair she should know you are dating other women. Even if this isn't true, it will signal to her that you aren't especially serious about her. (of course, you will have to encourage her to date other men, too.)

[Indiependant]

Ah, I forgot to mention that we've agreed to end the 'no strings attached' period, and try for a proper relationship

[Jbleezyj]

Don't force yourself to try and have that feeling just go with the flow and see how it goes if any feelings of yours towards her grow stronger. I don't really believe it possible for both people to love each other the same (from my past experiences =[ ) Though I think that you liked the NSA relationship between you two better.

[Al Pacino]

ask your self did you love her ? if not pls dont continue, you should not hurt her in the end ...

[miSSleepy]

ask your self did you love her ? if not pls dont continue, you should not hurt her in the end ...

I hardly think one needs to be in love during the beginnings of a relationship.
Indiependant, you don't have to give up on the relationship just yet. You said once that you were mad about her, right? So it's not entirely impossible. Keep dating her, but make sure you have an understanding that, even though you're exclusive and not 'no strings attached', you're still testing the waters and taking things easy, and just having fun.
However, don't make any long term promises to her and don't lead her into thinking that you're with her for the long haul. As long as she understands that and takes the relationship for what it is, she'll be alright and more understanding if things don't work out.
There's nothing wrong with testing the waters through a casual relationship if both parties agree and undestand it. It's not always be all and end all.

[Gigabitch]

Can you talk about why you spent many years single? How old are you? Are you emotionally disabled? Maybe you just don't know how to let someone in. Maybe we can help.

[Indiependant]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. miSSleepy: I have made sure that she knows that it's not a definite long term relationship until I find out how I feel, she seems OK with that, however, I believe she will still be upset if it doesn't work out.

GB: I'm in my 30s, and spent many years being the eternal student. I didn't really feel like getting into a relationship during my 20s, though if the right one came along then I probably would've gone for it. I also used to be shy. These days I have a new found confidence, and am really getting out on the social scene.

Emotionally disabled? Not what I know of, where/how could I find that out?

[Gigabitch]

Emotionally disabled? Not what I know of, where/how could I find that out?

I would imagine you're best able to determine that, so if you don't feel that you have a problem connecting to others, you probably don't.

But dude, you've spent a long, long time alone. You're quite set in your ways, I imagine. Are you willing to compromise this? Aren't you lonely? What's your social life like?

[Indiependant]

I'm willing to compromise for someone, as long as i'm in love with them. I don't normally get lonely, but have been making a massive effort recently to socialize, and it's really paying off.

[miSSleepy]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. miSSleepy: I have made sure that she knows that it's not a definite long term relationship until I find out how I feel, she seems OK with that, however, I believe she will still be upset if it doesn't work out.

Well doesn't almost everyone get upset? It's just a give. It's the way the world spins.
Honestly, even couples who ARE mad about each other split up and people get upset. You can't avoid that.