Advise needed for a great way to ask out an ex co-worker

[Perfguy]

Hey Guys,

I recently started a new job about 2 months ago. However, due to the nature of the new job, I am still in contact with my old job. Even though I've had some issues with the receptionist, I still need to contact her maybe 3 times a week. I've talked about her on here before but I still thinking about her everyday. Hell, the other day I was drinking (something I NEVER do) and almost wrote her an e-mail to let her know how I feel. Anyway, I think I've come to the conclusion I want to ask her out to dinner. You only live once so I figured I should just go for it! I just need some advice on the best method that will flatter her (NOT creep her out) and, at the same time, make her forget about the past and maybe really consider it. My first thought was sending flowers and a card asking her out to dinner. I am worried about the risk to my new job but it's worth it. So, any good ideas?

[Gribble]

Don't e-mail her. Don't send her flowers and a card. You send flowers and a card after you've slept with her. Not to ask her out on a first date.

Next time you bump into her just start talking. If things are going well and she's smiling and laughing then ask her to dinner. She'll probably say yes.

[Jbleezyj]

Yeh flowers or something is a huge surprise and too much if your not even dating yet.

[Moonchild]

Yeah, flowers are not for the first date. I agree with what Gribble said--next time you run into her (supposing you ever run into her? Do you?) have a conversation. Ask her then. The only reason to ever ask for a first date via technology is if running into her is impossible, because showing up there when she's the only reason for it would be even more weird of you.

[Gigabitch]

I am cringing, Perf. I no longer trust your judgment and I'm concerned that you're embarking on another Journey to Hell.

Be careful. Take it slow. Do not get dramatic.

[Perfguy]

To answer your question, I do not have face to face contact with her. It's all over the phone. So, it sounds like the consensus is to NOT send flowers. I think you are right. Plus, the entire office when then know and I still need to keep in contact with my old dept. It would be awkward after that! I am now thinking about mailing a card to her. I was thinking something like a invitation. You know, to invite her to dinner :-) This is really taking a big risk, being that she could complain and tell her mgr, who in turn could contact my boss. But, I was thinking, you only live once and you need to take risks sometime. I am afraid of her reaction: she'll probably tell some freinds "Oh my God, he still likes me. I didn't know he liked me THAT much." And she'll say some crap about me. one of whom is a mutual friend that I KNOW will be pissed that I'm pursuing her.

But, I've been thinking long and hard about it. First, the mutual friend has commented that the girl won't let go of the past. She still has animosity/emotion concerning me. If someone still feels that way, after five months, it makes me wonder if all of this animosity is due to something deeper - maybe there are feelings there? If you say you arn't interested in someone, wouldn't they pretty much forget about you pretty quickly, instead of refusing to tranfer my call because unless I was nice to her, like she did? And why the crank calls after I was layed off? What I'm getting at is why is she basically harrassing me if she didn't want anything to do with me, as she said? That goes along with her jealousy of my ex and her wanting my thoughts on love. I think she puts on an act of disdain but in reality she has feelings. Could that be possible?

Second, this may sound crazy, but I'm starting to wonder if it's fate that I still deal with her. She was rehired at my old job just as a was starting my relationship with the ex - that got shot down b/c of her. Then, I got hired for this job where I have to deal with her, again. Even though she has "issues" maybe it was meant to be? It makes you wonder.....

Even with the problems we had it the past, I still think about her and would feel very fortunate to have a relationship with her. It's easy when you're not in the situation to tell someone to move on - it's not so easy when the person you're telling has feelings for that other person and yearns to be with them.....

[Al Pacino]

i am supported Gribble comment 100% ..

[Perfguy]

Well, an update. I was smart and spoke to the mutual friend for her advise before sending the card. I'm really glad I did. She let me know that this girl still really hates me and is STILL "creeped" out by me and STILL is saying im "stalking" her, after five months! She said this girl would prob call the police if I sent it. So, I didn't. I was pretty mad/upset after that. I can't believe this bitch is still saying i'm stalking her when I NEVER STALKED HER IN THE FIRST PLACE - IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM! That really pisses me off. I still deal with ppl from that job. On top of that, If she is so creeped out by me, why the hell did she open her mouth that I wasn't being nice enough to her and refuse to transfer my call? Why was she making crank calls if I'm stalking her? Wouldn't a normal person leave the stalker alone and keep their mouth shut? The other day I called, asking her for a favor and she said "maaaybe" and sort of a cute/sweet sort of way. Wouldn't someone who is so creeped out just say "No!"?

Well, even though what she says about me and how she acts are totally different, and honestly, I would like to know why she acts the way she does....I'm done! I'm done dealing with this bitch and her psycho, nutjob personality. I could care less about her. I will never try to talk/e-mail/write to her, ever again. She can rot for all I care. I'm done thinking about her and I'm moving on to something WAY better. Someone I deserve....

Gigabitch, I bet you're happy to hear....