Help with an ambiguous relationship

[Corasjo]

Hey there, first post and I was looking for outside perspective. Please be nice and I hope this is the appropriate forum.

I'm a college student and I knew this girl from a class last year. A few words together, I had slight interest but never really pursued it. This year I noticed her in class again and decided what the hell and sat close to her, the professor asked us to introduce ourself to nearby classmates in the lecture hall and bam, easy opportunity. Then come to find out at my new job the next day, she works there too.. A blessing at the time I suppose and I suppose a curse, because I see her every day (blessing) but it can be difficult moving our relationship out of academics AND work (curse).

So yes, we became good friends and she's an amazing person. Two weeks in she tells me her BF broke up with her. Maybe I'm a bastard and I truly was sorry for her pain, it did take a toll on her but I saw yet another opportunity arise.

So shit. I was there for her and we became considerably closer since. It started as 'study buddies' because she spent a lot of time alone at the library and I took more initiative to asking her out. Lunches, dinner, football game, and several other things but now that I think of it I guess not as much as I could/should have. I really knew I had to take it slow. So ya. I was utterly convinced there was an attraction really, maybe it doesn't mean anything but we always took each others hands, arms, hold each other... but ya.

Then after a shift at work I invited her over to watch a movie and she cuddled in my arms the whole night. I thought I had it in the bag and I didn't pull anything but kiss her good night when she left early in the morning.

And thats that. I didn't hear from her Saturday but that Sunday she told me she's not ready for a relationship and then she like shied away from me for two weeks, I couldn't get anything going muchless another dang kiss. I shrunk back into more of a friend role. A few weeks later here I am. We talk a lot and still spend a bit of time with each other, and she still randomly touches me and just looks at me with that look I suppose but to be frank, I'm afraid to move on.

I don't know what to do.

Big questions: When is she ready and how do I know she likes me like that, as in more of a friend?

- Should I assume she wants me as a friend and nothing more and back off?
- Sometimes I feel like I'm too there and are there subtle hints for me to back off? Maybe she doesn't want either one of us to get hurt and she's still not yet ready.. How would I know when..
-Should I attempt to take control of the relationship, next time we're close just kiss her? I only got one for god sake.
- Tell or ask her?
- I didn't fall to being a rebounder guy did I...
- Wait a little longer for something to happen.. I hate this waiting thing though.

Not sure. I feel like I fell into the backseat to this thing and I'll end up losing her to some other guy.

[sine24]

It sounds to me like she can't make up her mind. The question is..would you be willing to let her touch you and basically use you for however long you can take it..or are you going to step up and decide that you deserve more than being someone's cushion. she's told you she's not ready for a relationship but her actions speak louder than words. she's missing someone to hold her but isn't willing to commit. if you want to be happy you need to take control of this. ask her straight out "what exactly are we?" "if we are friends..then we should act as friends..if not then i think we should take things to the next level". What's the worst that can happen? My say, nothing. You're better off changing things cos you won't be happy for long. Don't let this go on any longer..let her know where you stand.

[Robert Angier]

Obviously, she is confused and sounds like she needs time to work somethings out. But, this is the tricky part for now give it as much time and space as she needs, that is if you are willing to stick it out.
Communication above all other things right now is paramount. This is your directions of where you both are at, and if you should be going in this direction or not. And as difficult as it may seem, some tact and delicacy never hurts either.


RA

[Gigabitch]

Don't assume anything. You have to ask. She'll appreciate it, and you'll know where you stand.