First post :) Relationship background + are threesomes a bad idea?

[dorkman]

I've been with a girl for abit over a year now. I'm very inlove with her and she means the world to me. We have had issues where I'm not romantic enough and I've thought she didnt want me so i kissed another woman to make her dump me because she wouldnt dump me otherwise.. however I realised i had approached that in completely the wrong way when I told her the next day and she dumped me but for some reason took me back and I count myself as the luckiest person on earth. Since then I have tried to communicate with her clearly and havent dealt with my emotions in such a stupid way, although since she's my first girlfriend (I wasn't into relationships until I met her) and stuff I find it really hard to express my emotions and be romantic and I know she craves romance. Because of this lack of romance and trust she put me on a break a while ago. Neither of us have messed around with anyone else during this break although she is pretty flirtatious with other guys and she has been kissed by them or they have tried, but I guess I only have myself to blame for that. Anyway the topic of a threesome came up and I freaked out because i've never experienced anything like this before. She has experienced a fair few and she does like them. She's bisexual. What was proposed was that she bring a female who is in a relationship into the threesome and then she participates in a threesome with that female and female's male partner. This is scary because where are the boundaries? I don't want to **** another female, but what If she ends up ****ing another male? I don't know how i'd react. Because she has said that a ffm threesome before ended up with the guy ****ing her. This wouldn't happen if you laid out the boundaries though would it? And i thought it might be a good idea because it could build trust in the relationship? Anyway I'm rather new at this sort of thing and would love some advice from both sides. Cheers

[vashti]

She wants to have a threesome, and you aren't even supposed to be one of the participants? Dude! That is crazy! Why the hell would you put up with that? Don't YOU have any boundaries?

[mparker2004]

She wants to have a threesome, and you aren't even supposed to be one of the participants? Dude! That is crazy! Why the hell would you put up with that? Don't YOU have any boundaries?

quoted for truth

[squirrley]

Your relationship ALREADY has issues, bringing a threesome into the mix will only make matters worse. This is NOT a good idea at this stage in your relationship. Having a solid trustful relationship for a very long time MAYBE. But not now. You can set boundaries all you want beforehand, but things change in the heat of the moment.

I wouldnt partake in threesomes anymore. Had a chance years ago, but felt the emotional after effect would not be pretty, hence no go.

This is an excuse for her to delve into her lifestyles, if youre not with it, dont do it. You may love her, but she's already not accepting the person you are. My husband isnt a lovey dovey person and it bothers me, but I love him for who HE IS not what he's not.

I wouldnt do it personally. This isnt a relationship ready for something of that nature.

[CrunchyRoll]

There is no way you should do a threesome. I guess the only way would be to do it with people you do not know but to get involved with friends this way will ultimatley bring an end to teh relationships. I have done it before and the emotions afterward are not worth the momentary thrill...

[Mish]

Threesomes usually only work out with women you don't know.

[dorkman]

Yeh well looks like no go for the threesome. As for the romance thing.. dont women crave this? I don't know i'm just not naturally romantic. She rekons im emotionless and stuff because of it.. but im not.. I just not that ultraromantic guy at all. Ahwell.. all I can do is try with romantic gestures.

[aglevin]

To have a threesome or not is such a tough call! I went through this a couple years back with my boyfriend. Our relationship had been amazing for months, but the passion started to wind down and the idea of adding another sexual partner came up. I was so torn because part of me felt like it might help spice up our sexual relationship, and yet another part of me knew I should be taking into account some emotional repercussions and complications. In the end, we never went through with it, and actually ended up breaking up not too long after we made this decision. I think for us, the passion just wasn't there and the need to bring in someone new to meant that the two of us weren't enough. I think these are the things you might need to hash out with your girlfriend. There are some real great stories and advice about Threesomes I found on Tango . com that might be helpful and interesting!?