Simple Question

[Zach]

My gf has feelings for someone else. That someone else has feelings for my gf. They have both talked about it.

My gf tells me she still wants to be with me even though she has feelings for another guy.

She cant control her feelings she says.

What am I to do?

I have a pretty good idea of what needs to happen but hearing others opinions would be much appreciated.

[IndiReloaded]

Feelings come and go. If she really wants to be with you, she needs to stay away from this other guy. After a while, her feelings for this other guy will wane.

Unless you think she really wants this other guy & is only telling you what she thinks you want to hear. In which case, you'll need to confront her about this.

What do you want, Zach?

[vashti]

If you tolerate her dating him while she is supposed to be your girlfriend, I will not be impressed.

[Gigabitch]

Boundaries and a solid plan for the future can save your relationship, but you both have to want it, and she's not being very convincing lately.

Am I just confused, or is there still a hazy future regarding your relocation?

[Zach]

In the last 2 weeks she has shown me how un loyal she really can be.

After the stunt she pulled with this guy I definitely wont be moving down there now. Our relationship is pretty much over at this point.

She refuses to stop talking to this guy cause they are best friends.

[squirrley]

Well sounds like ultimatums were put down, so who wins? Zach, this is your life your relationship too. I dont think I could personally stay in a relationship where my SO says oh yea I have feelings for someone else. Yes feelings come and go, but when they're admitted then you have to do something. You can either sit back and hope she rides that one out and sit on the back burner and keep your fingers crossed, and or say BYE! Im better than that and I deserve better than that! But dont give her the indication youre going to be waiting for her.

[Zach]

She came to me today and said we need to talk.

She tells me "Zach I definitely have feelings for casey."

So i asked her what she thought it meant, and she told me she doesnt know what that means.

I told her it meant that her and I were both single and she was able to enjoy her life with him now. Then I hung up the phone.

[squirrley]

Good for you! At least she was open and honest with you. As much as that sucks, I think you'd rather know than her hide it.

If you really want her back let her come to you...

[Zach]

She just came to me and told me she knows she made a mistake and wants to know if she is willing to fix this... has she lost me still.

I told her I dont know... I think this may have all gone too far already.

[vashti]

Aww, sorry Zach. That must have been a hard thing for you to do, but I think you handled it perfectly.

EDIT: Dang, your post beat mine! I think you should consider telling her she needs some time apart so she can make up her mind, because you aren't interested in playing her silly game.

[squirrley]

Holy crap she's already calling you telling you she's made a mistake! See, I agree with Vash not only does she need the time, but now youre going to need the time with all the wish washy stuff she's throwing your way. Take the time out. Even if she's crawling back right now, where did those feelings for the other guy go in just 10 minutes?

[vashti]

I'd be pissed off about this, zach. You called her bluff, and now she is backing down. I think she was too reckless with your feelings.

[Zach]

I am pissed off, she is scared now that I broke up with her and wants to know if there is hope if she stops talking to him..

I just told her that we should take a couple days to figure out certain things. I need to figure out if I can give her another chance. and she needs to figure out whether or not she is finally willing to get serious about me.

[Mish]

This won't be easy. You'll have to weigh the pros and cons of this relationship very carefully. I guess the main question is can either of you trust the other to sustain the relationship after this?

[IndiReloaded]

Its over Zach. This is just pieces of the relationship bomb flying around & stinging you. Put on your flak jacket and hunker down until its passed. Standing up in the trench will only hurt you further.