BF ego problem after we wrestled

[anachronistic]

Maybe he isn't, but I am. That's because when you're talking in generalities that is a truthful statement. Of course there are exceptions, but if 90% of men are physically stronger than the average woman, you should be able to say that men are stronger than women. Anyone with a gram of intelligence would know the person doesn't mean every single man is stronger than every single women.

If a woman took testosterone she too would develop muscles

women have muscles too. how many women have you wrestled, doesntmatter? i haven't met a girl yet that hasn't provided me with a challenge (unless she was very submissive and did it on purpose) while arm wrestling, wrestling or whatever. and strength is not about muscle alone. it is about technique, speed, resistance, etc too. what are your sources?

anyhow, what i was asking was does your boyfriend feel the need to live up to that generalization? does he think he can beat you up because he is 'supposed to be' physically stronger than you?

[miSSleepy]

Of course women have muscles, but the percentage of muscle in the average woman is lower to that of the average man. That's because we're built to have a higher fat percentage to aide with pregnancy etc.

Technique also matters, but you LEARN technique. A match between an average man and woman with no previous training, and most likely the man would win because of strength.

Regarding this thread though, technique is at play mostly, since she has used judo. What the guy needs to do is realise this. he MAY actually be stronger than her, but if she has technique she will beat him. And I don't think he should be able to beat her just because that's what society expects etc.

[vashti]

Tell him to try arm wrestling. Then you can lose honestly, and his ego will be restored. You also won't have to worry about his anger getting the better of him and him actually hurting you due to lack of control.

[EmoBlackBelt]

Challenge him to one more rematch, then when you pin him, rip his shirt off and start kissing him and such. If you transition from grappling into sex, he will associate a positive experience with the memory of being defeated. I can't promise it will work, but it would do wonders for me.

[jenster]

anyhow, what i was asking was does your boyfriend feel the need to live up to that generalization? does he think he can beat you up because he is 'supposed to be' physically stronger than you?

Yes, that is exactly the problem. I have patiently tried to explain to him that the ONLY reason I have defeated him is b/c I know these judo techniques that allow me to use his strength against him. (That's what judo is designed to do). I throw or trip him to the floor w/these techniques again and again until he gets very tired and his strength advantage is gone.

It's only then that i move in to wrestle him on the floor and pin him, and even then it takes me quite a lot of effort to do it b/c i just dont have the upper body strength that he does. I have to use my legs a lot and it's not easy.

I've told him over and over that he is stronger than me (and as someone else suggested, I even arm wrestled him to show him; he beat me--although I held out longer than I thought I would; judo training has made me stronger than I've ever been in my life--but it STILL didnt help b/c he refuses to accept that in a grappling match my judo skills win out.

He has this disturbing macho attitude about girls that I never saw until we had these wrestling matches. He really believes that even tho' he's untrained he should beat me easily just b/c i'm a girl (and yes, b/c he outweighs me by at least 30 lbs).

I like Emo's suggestion the best--but i've already kind of tried that. After the 2nd match we had, I tried to get sexy w/him after I pinned him but he was so he couldnt get in the mood.

But I've decided that i'm sick of arguing w/him about this. Maybe he has to learn the hard way, and when he challenges me again i'm going to accept. If he cant beat me, and wont take classes w/me to learn these techniques, then thats his problem.

also--shouldnt he be glad that as a woman I know how to defend myself???

[Junket]

I like Emo's suggestion the best--but i've already kind of tried that. After the 2nd match we had, I tried to get sexy w/him after I pinned him but he was so he couldnt get in the mood.

Once I get angry, humiliated, or shamed, there's not a damn thing a girl could do to get me up.

Sometimes the strongest egos are the most brittle.

[Gigabitch]

but if 90% of men are physically stronger than the average woman,

But it's about finesse, not force. I have no doubt you're physically stronger than I am, but I might be able to finesse you right onto the floor. (You'd like it, too. )

[jenster]

But it's about finesse, not force. I have no doubt you're physically stronger than I am, but I might be able to finesse you right onto the floor. (You'd like it, too. )

Right on, Giga! I'm going to explain that to him--again--b4 we wrestle tonight.

(He challenged me again and and I surprised him by saying "fine, i'll be ready for you." He was totally shocked b/c i've just been saying 'no, no, no' for like the past 2 weeks. If you guys want, i'll let you know how it goes.)

[Gigabitch]

Two words:

digital video

[IndiReloaded]

Well, I dont disagree w/you completely. i feel like he has it coming to him since he's so convinced that a girl cant beat him--even tho' I know judo and he doesnt.

maybe next time he challenges me I will just say "bring it on!"

Yes, get him. Mbe he likes it & just can't admit it.

Anyway, just a quick off-comment to your 'I know judo and he doesn't'. I know of a gal who was grabbed & very badly beaten by a fellow in an elevator. This woman is a pretty high level black belt (a nidan at the time). What happened is that she defended herself, but not to the full extent she was capable. She held back. The reasons are complicated but point is, it nearly got her killed.

Its not what you know. It how ready you are.

[DoesntMatter]

But it's about finesse, not force. I have no doubt you're physically stronger than I am, but I might be able to finesse you right onto the floor. (You'd like it, too. )

Hot damn, I would love it !

Yeah that's true, physical strength is only one factor when measuring ass-kicking ability. If a girl is well trained in martial arts but weaker than me she could probably beat me in a fight because she knows to do roundhouse kicks and such. But in a fight without access to traditional weapons, I would opt for something like an unwieldy or irregularly shapped chair and hurl it with all my might at my opponent. Or throw a pyrex brownie dish at them as hard as I can. You get my point

[Gigabitch]

Or throw a pyrex brownie dish at them as hard as I can. You get my point

I'd wait until you ate all the brownies and were very disoriented, then suggest that you sit on the chair and get you to settle down.

Fighting. It's only a last resort.

What happened is that she defended herself, but not to the full extent she was capable. She held back. The reasons are complicated but point is, it nearly got her killed.

One of the things we had to agree to do when studying kickboxing was to never **** around. No play-fighting and no half-assed fighting. I guess this ^^^ is why.

[jenster]

I'd wait until you ate all the brownies and were very disoriented, then suggest that you sit on the chair and get you to settle down.

Fighting. It's only a last resort.



One of the things we had to agree to do when studying kickboxing was to never **** around. No play-fighting and no half-assed fighting. I guess this ^^^ is why.

It's also why I dont hold back when I wrestle my BF...if I did, and he slammed me down w/his weight on top of me, it could mess me up pretty bad...of course, i run that risk anyway by taking him on, but he asked for it.

as for "digital video" of the match...he feels bad enuff that he's getting his ass kicked by his GF...i couldn't humiliate him worse by showing it to folks (tempting as it is when he says 'i dont need to know judo to beat a girl' )

[Gigabitch]

Okay, two more words:

nanny cam

What he doesn't know won't hurt him, and it will amuse the hell out of me.

[jenster]

Okay, two more words:

nanny cam

What he doesn't know won't hurt him, and it will amuse the hell out of me.

You know what, girlfriend...if i had a nannyCam (& knew how to use it)--i would, just for you!

(seriously, though--your responses--and nearly everyone's here--have really helped me out a lot--and have made me feel less guilty about beating him; I used to think I was to blame for how he reacted...now i see it's his own chauvinistic problem).

wish me luck tonight!