Trying to win him back...

[jakki2903]

Hi all,

Firstly, thank you all for any advice I receive.

My situation...

I'm a 27 year old girl from the UK and I met a guy via my friend through Facebook. We spent a week chatting and then met up and had some dates. Everything was amazing and we really clicked. He stayed every night, I met his family and we spent Christmas and New Year together. Then I started I guess to get a bit clingy and doubting myself. I was constantly saying to him 'do you wanna finish it' but I never ever wanted to, I just wanted him to tell me, of course not, stop being silly, which he always did. Then he started to distance himself a tiny bit over the duration of a week, his car went wrong and he had no transport, but I went down to him when he invited me. When we were together everything was amazing. Then on the 2nd of January, I went back to work and he doesn't return until Monday 7th and the entire day he didn't call or text. I'm not silly and know the 'no contact' is a sign he doesn't care. So I called him whilst I was at work and said do you wanna finish it. He kind of edged round the question until I said do you and he said 'dunno'. That told me he did and I accepted it. I called him later that night as I didn't want things to end badly. We'd been together 2.5 months so not long. He said he didn't feel the same way he did, but did still like me and care about me.

Whenever we were apart I got a little insecure and got weird with him with the 'you seem not to care etc' which i guess drove him to think 'hey maybe i don't' this is too much etc etc.

Anyway, my real problem is I want him back - we were so happy and everything was perfect until I started pushing him away. I can't accept its over. I've kept myself busy and haven't contacted him whatsoever until he contacted me yesterday as he thinks I am going away for the weekend. I guess it could seem like I've gone from wanting him so much to nothing, no contact etc, so he sent me a text and I replied saying I was so so, how are you and he didn't reply. He's been on facebook pretty much every minute and he knew I was out last night and stayed online to 1am in the morning, which i imagine was to see if i messaged him or drunkenly called him saying i missed him, etc which I didn't. I did send him a message on facebook asking him if he was ok and he said he was and asked about me and I said i was feeling weird and he said he was feeling weird to.

I just want him back and i'm not reacting to the things he is doing on facebook to make me jealous. he looks at my facebook page a couple of times every day since we split.

what does everyone think? did things get too much and he needs a break and will come back?

all his stuff is still at my flat and I have his work stuff in the boot - he has my house keys - does he want me to beg him to take me back?? i am torn and can't stop thinking about him!

thanks guys for all your replies....an anxious Jac x

[nuevo]

If my girlfriend is constantly saying: "do you wanna finish it", At the third time I would say, -hell yess!!! what's ur problem!!
I'd think that she is the one who actually wanna finish it.

2.5 months and you gave him your house keys??? just WOW! No way I'd do that in such a short time.

ok, if you want him back, why don't you just ASK him? or Do something to see the way he respond you to get a clue if he wants?

I don't get why did you end it if everything was so "perfect", I don't think it was...

good luck

[Gigabitch]

Ouch, jakki. I'm not sure if you can salvage this one- it's pretty buried under all of that low self-esteem you piled up on top of it.

I think you might just need to take a lesson from this for next time. You moved WAY too fast and then started clinging- both of these are sure relationship killers.

GrkScorp is always on about the "cat theory" of his, about how you need to tease a woman a bit to get her interest. What you need to do is start acting more like a cat than a dog. I think you've really freaked this guy out.

Insecurity is the most unattractive thing in the world. It basically says, "I'm not good enough for you, and I know it. You could easily do better."

Don't ever do this to yourself again. There's a place to entertain those thoughts and fears, and that place is HERE, not in your daily conversation with your boyfriend.

I don't know what to tell you about getting him back. If anything occurs to me, I'll post it later, but right now I think you should focus on getting yourself back on balance for the next one.

[Aidan]

I agree - you couldn't have played it any worse if you tried, unfortunately. It's best to move on and not repeat the same mistakes again.

Getting so dependent on someone so quick is a worrying sign and your constant need for reassurance would put the frighteners on anyone. After all, who would want to put up with that for years on end? 2.5 months is about all most people could bear, I fear.

It will be hard to get anyone else to like you if you don't like yourself first. You need to build up your self-image somehow. Most people find inner confidence much more attractive than inner clinginess!

I wish you luck.

[Gigabitch]

Heh. "Put the frighteners". I like that.

[Aidan]

Stay tuned, Gigabitch - there's plenty more where that came from.

Love your handle, by the way!

[Gigabitch]

Just wait until I actually get bitchy. That's always fun.

[jakki2903]

thanks guys! sounds like I lost this one! the worst thing, is that i am a really confident person and i wish i hadn't pushed like I did. If someone acted the way I did with me, they'd be hitting the road too! He has said that we can be friends and maybe one day there may be a chance. In the meantime, I can work on me and focus on the fact its over. I had a great guy and I blew it. Maybe it was my wake up call! Life goes on and I guess i got too wrapped up too quick.

The funny thing is, I know all the rules! I just don't know why I didn't practice them!

1. Confidence is a big attraction, insecurity is a big de attraction
2. Don't spend all your time with them - when they come to do what they want, you'll question it because you feel lost because you put them before yourself!

I guess i'm answering my own post here! I'll keep my head high and keep busy! Afterall, I am a great catch! I just need to remember that at all times! thanks guys!!!!!!

[Gigabitch]

Well, jakki, what happened? What was it about this one that was different?

[jakki2903]

I guess he was one of the first guys to treat me differently to the others. I had never in my life had a guy who wanted to spend all there time for me. I think thats why I fell so quickly. I am gutted, because I am as much to blame for it breaking down - I pushed him away because of my own petty insecurities. He hasn't written me off permanently by the sounds of it though. Maybe one day we can be friends, go out and see what happens, but I won't cling to that fact. Time to move on...

[jakki2903]

Update:

I know I shouldn't have, but last night I sent him a message - can you guys let me know from our conversation if there is any hope?? below is the conversation between us...

Me: How's things?
Him: Ok love how are you
Me:not good, can you please be honest with me, even if it hurts me? are you seeing someone else? Its fine if you are, it just hurts seeing all the firting and stuff your doing on facebook - its like i never existed...
Him:no i aint seeing anyone babe,any way what u doing looking thought u deleted me on here,
Me: i accidently clicked on an old email and your page is open. its hard not to be bothered. i cared about you alot. its nice to see you can just wipe me from your life like i never existed.
Him:no aint why u say that,why u think i have,
Me: doesn't matter, its none of my business anymore... you can be with whoever u like... just wish it wasn't so easy for you to switch off
Him: look i dont want to be with any one,yes i do miss u,but cant help the way i fill at the mo,and dont know why u think it is easy for me
Me: I miss you so much, i know i have to move on but its hard, it hasn't even been a week yet. I fell for you quickly and scared you off, I just wish i didn't have to go cold turkey... i don't want you anymore, i just miss talking to you - you were a friend to me first and foremost and thats why this hurts more then anyone else...
Him: yeah and i miss u,and miss talking to u to, and wish my feelings were diffarnt,maybe they will change who knows x
Me: i know you do - i wish i hadn't pushed you to feel differently, but that it whats happened. Just feel so empty! How was work today? x
Him: i do miss u,and maybe i will think f5ck what have i done x work was ok,f5cking knackerd though how was your day
Me: I just feel so empty without you Dave..found out about my bonus.. but feel gutted that we ain't gonna be able to do my flat... in the little time we had together, you made me so happy - my flat is full of memories.... maybe in a week or two we could meet up and see how you feel? x
Him: ok,will met next week or something, and see how we fill,i do miss u, and i will think about how i fill,but if i fill the same then we should just be friends but if i fill like shit i wont u back,u got to change
Me: ok if we meet and you still feel the same then I'll accept it and just be your friend... i just miss you so much x
Him: ok see how much money i got and we can go out for some thing to eat, yeah x
Me: I don't mind - doesn't have to be something big, just a chat in a pub or something... haven't seen you since new years day, but if we meet and you still nothing then i'll promise to just be your friend as i'll know it wasn't meant to be. Christmas makes everything heavy xx
Him: why would even want me back after every thing x
Me: because to me you are the most amazing bloke i ever met.. x
Him: why that then x
Me: your gorgeous, great personality, the best person i've ever met in my life x
Him: well thanks love i am fit aint i ha ha
Me: ha ha yeah big man... to me your amazing and i miss u so much. x
Him: ok we can meet next week some time ok,any way got to sleep now up early night x

what do you guys think? I realise we could meet and he still feels the same, but he said he misses me more then once, which must mean something and then he asked why I'd want him back...

If you all reckon there is no hope then fair enough...but just need to see....

thanks all!

[Mathias]

2.5 months and you gave him your house keys??? just WOW! No way I'd do that in such a short time.

I have Amanda's keys, and we've been dating for less than that. It's more convenience than a huge commitment thing.

[Gigabitch]

I think you're reaching, Jakki. This relationship is completely off-balance.

[jakki2903]

how do you mean gigabitch?

[Gigabitch]

You care much more than he does. I feel that you're throwing yourself at his feet.