He loves me but he leaves me? Help!

[bluesummer]

Ok guys out there, I need to pick your brains. None of my girlfriends can figure this one out, maybe you know whats going through this guys head?
I have been with my bf for almost 2 yrs. It has been a very intense relationship for us both, we were always crazy in love, happy, had so much in common, and were the envy of all our friends and families. So, out of nowhere, he comes to me and says he needs to be honest about something.......he's met some girl and he's interested in her, but he didn't want to do anything to hurt me so he thought he should let me know what he's feeling. So honesty is a good thing right?
So, we broke up (mutually). I told him I wanted him to sort his head out if he wanted to be with me and he agreed. I still want to be with him, though, so its tough. Our relationship never really went wrong and he admits that, and says he still loves me more than anything in the world. So he is seeing this girl now, from what I understand, BUT (and here is the part I don't get), he is with me all the time.....so much I don't know how he finds time to see this other girl. He's been telling me "You are far more beautiful than this other girl" "I could never be as close to her as I am to you" and "You have changed my life and I can't bear to be without you". WHAT? Then what is the deal?
His family loves me, and he fought hard to get them to accept me (I am white and he is east indian). He told his whole family he wanted to marry me. His sister even told me she didn't like white people until she met me, but now she calls me her friend and tells my bf he is making a stupid decision. Even his friends all call him an idiot! And he says he knows he is. So....why?
Last night I was pretending to sleep and he started stroking my face, kissing my forehead, and then he started crying. He is acting totally conflicted. I don't get what is going on in his head. I am easily the longest and best relationship he's ever been in, to which he admits. I know him better than anyone in the world, and he admits this too. He is only 24 and HE is the one who, up to 2 weeks ago, was talking about what beautiful kids we would have and how we would have a huge wedding in india. So, guys, what is it? Is it his age? Is he getting cold feet? He openly admits it has nothing to do with me/my looks/my personality.....in fact he tells me Im perfect. So, I throw up my hands. What to do!

[mad-monkey]

interesting...i'm even envious of your relationship...sorry i'm no help

[bluesummer]

Oh my gosh.....no one has an opinion? NO ONE? I am truly in the worst situation on my life then.

[BillyGalbreath]

This sounds a little like what I did to my first fiancee...

To be honest there is no telling what is going on in his head... I can tell you why I did that though...

I wasn't scared of committing.. The relationship was perfect... All that good stuf flike in your situation...

I ended up leaving my fiancee for this other girl in the end... And I can tell you that I now know it was the worst decision of my life...

The reason I left I really dont know why still... I guess I never will... Sometimes I feel like I WAS scared of commitment... Sometimes I feel like I just fell out of love... Sometimes I feel that I just did not want to grow up... Sometimes I wonder if the drugs I was doing had any effect on my decisions...

What I suggest you do is sit him down and just listen to him... I wish my first fiancee would have done that - I most probably would have stayed... Just tell him to talk to you.. Let him open up and tell you everything he is fealing no matter how confusing it all is in his mind... Just let him say exactly what he is thinking --- Then eventually you both will figure it out..

Thats all I can really say...

Good luck

[IceQueen]

Ok, forget other people and their opinions. It's not about *them* and the acceptance of your relationship by *them*.

The smartest thing you can do right now is not to see him until he makes his final decision (and then only start seeing him if he decides to be with you). Otherwise, he's having the best of both worlds, and he'll keep stringing you along wasting your years, nerves and emotions.

[tooxshort]

Originally posted by IceQueen

The smartest thing you can do right now is not to see him until he makes his final decision (and then only start seeing him if he decides to be with you). Otherwise, he's having the best of both worlds, and he'll keep stringing you along wasting your years, nerves and emotions.

agreed

[bluesummer]

Thanks for the input guys......its a confusing time for me, and i've kind of been left hanging......not sure what to do about him/the relationship. Different points of view help sometimes.

[bluesummer]

As an update, we have now broken up 'for good', a choice of mine to save my own self dignity. As a result, he has chosen not to be with the other girl either because he said he can't be with her knowing the pain he's causing me by being with her. We are still best friends. Not the end result I wanted, but at least he is still a part of my life, and not with her. I consider it a victory.

[Illusional]

the same thing happened to my friend. her and her bf would fight a lot but they would always find their way back together. recently they had talk about marriage many times and they have even discussed children in the future. they were going out for about 2 years or so. after about a week period, my friend said that she had noticed something different. she asked him about it and all he could say was, "i dunno what it is, but i don't feel the same anymore". both of them were in awe because the bf didn't understand why he suddenly felt this way.

my personal guess is that they might be reviewing thier relationship and it might have been so good, that they are wondering what else is there. her bf wasn't in too many other relationships which is why he might be wondering what else is out there. however, after a few weeks of fighting and bickering, she realized that she was pregnant, and finally they worked things out and now they are married. honestly i think the marriage is going good, but i'm not sure how good things are going because i never thought they would make it this far.

as for your situation it's good what ice said. you need to give him time to sort out his feelings because he is the one that is unsure of the future. give him time to figure out what he really wants from you and for the future. raverboy