Advice Please!

[RobTony]

Ok, so I'm new here this is my first topic, but figured might as well start with thing I need to get out the most and all that. I would love advice opinion or any of that. I think though for the most just had to get it out.

I first had this long as story written out, but in the end i decided it was too long and I could sum it up in a really short version. Mostly cause even after all the writing in the long one it still didn't explain it how i hoped it would. Hope this makes sense and what not.

So here it is!!!
Me and my friend have been getting closer we needed someone to talk to and listen and we were there. We both think alike our minds work the same. So, it made it easier to be there for one another cause we could read and understand each other so well it was kinda creepy sometimes. Well, now I think I'm starting to like her. We hug more and act more comfortably around each other and all that fun stuff. There is some problems though the main one is her ex is my best friend from like forever ago. He is still in love with her, but he doesn't treat her right anymore... he is emotionally abusive and apparently he has hit her before. She has tried to tell him its over, but he refuses to give up and that doesn't end well on both their sides. He has some problem he needs to deal with just doesn't and I don't trust him around her anymore, but no matter if she liked me back or not he would be in the way and i couldn't do that to our friendship and there is a lot more probs too.(THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION TO LOL)


So my questions or thoughts or whatever it is.
Do I say something to her?
How do I know if she feels the same?
Should I even try or anything?
Should I just ignore it for the sake of everyones well being and happiness?

[GrkScorp]

Do you say anything to her?

Umm.. yes and no.. You DON'T say how you feel about her.. you DON'T confess your undying love for her.. in fact you don't say anything or do anything that a (friend-only) wouldn't do.. (and that's if you want to be more than friends with her).. just be this great guy who she's comfortable with, and has this amazing connection with.. but DON'T BE AVAILABLE! be busy with other stuff.. when she calls and ask you what you're doing DON'T SAY NOTHING.. (I just walked in, i'm getting ready to leave, I just got out of the shower, I just finished eating, I just stopped scratching my balls.. etc) always be "just" doing something.. When talking to her, in person or over the phone, YOU should be the one to end the conversation.. YOU should have some place to go and leave first.. (Extra Credit: When talking on the phone, tell her "wait up, I have an other call/ someone's calling me" and switch to the other line or put the phone down for 2-4 minutes, then pick it up again.. do this 2-4 times during a conversation.. "the subcomminucation is that you're a socially in demand person".. tell her you'll call her back.. because someone else just called..)

All of this plays on the idea that she'll have to work for your attention and it's WORTH working over if you both have such a great time with eachother and share that powerful connection.. if she's already getting it for free and having it spoon-fed to her whenever she wants.. why not "let's just be friends" you butt and go find someone else she can fcuk, while keeping you in a box whenever she needs an emotional-tampon?

How Do I know if she feels the same?

Well.. lol.. the whole idea of having her compete for your attention is to see this.. this is called a (test).. because you can't just go up to her and ask (hey, I really like you, how do you feel? do you feel the same?).. this is a DIRECT method, and it makes women feel uncomfortable; (guys don't mind, but guys & girls are different!)

So instead, you have to use an INDIRECT method (i'm cracking up, because this has so many accounting puns it's not funny; anyway)..

Theory: Psychologically, & behaviorally, humans much like animals test potential mates.. these tests are nothing more than comfirmations of "compliance", "willingness to comply", and lastly, "interest".. YOU will test to see how willing she is to comply with you.. that's the basic principle behind testing.. the more willing she is, you can make a safe bet that the more interested she is..

Chase Compliance: This is what was mentioned before.. You provide her with a great time; you're fun, funny, & interesting.. other people love you, other women like you (this is important that she SEES this or FINDS THIS OUT; NOT BY YOU!, get some female friends of your to come along and talk to them, let them touch you and have a great time with you, etc), other guys think you're great, you're sociall in demand, you share a great connection (you're already good at this), and she basically feels great when she's around you.. To gauge for how interested she is.. simply take that away from her.. if she chases after you, (ie. calls you back, finds reasons to talk to you, finds reasons to sit next to you, to be alone with you, to meet up during the week/weekend, etc) this means she likes the feeling of being around you and wants to have it again.. (analogy: my dog loves the bone from ham, she'll have the time of her life when she's biting it, take it away from her, and she'll go wild.. she'll never bark or bite, but if she doesn't have her bone, she'll bust your balls until you give it back, and when she has it back, she's happy again) Be the bone; see if she chases..

Kino: Make up reasons to touch eachother; great excuses are explaining something about the body, games, (read some of my older posts for some ideas).. the idea is to SLOWLY transition into deeper levels of compliance.. think of each level of compliance as a threashold or milestone.. always aim higher, but slowly & smoothly.. if she pulls back or away, ignore her, laugh about it, call her shy.. and try something else.. or try later (talk about something else or to someone else immediately).. don't make it into a big deal (it's not YOUR loss, it's HER loss! that's the subcommunication).. the point is to see how willing (and to what degree) she's comfortable with you touching her.. start from hands, then arms, then shoulders, then back, then neck, (don't grope breasts/butt! ever).. and eventually transition to waist/hips, and kissing.. all of these transitions should be slow and are usually not done all at once or in a row.. transitions could take hours or days! but kino is perhaps the most obvious gauge for compliance.. if she returns kino, (you say a joke, or are playful, or tease her, make fun of her, etc.. and she hits you back, or when you meet she leans in and waits for you to kiss her on the cheek, or she initiates hugs, or she holds hands when crossing the street, etc) this is also good compliance..

Interest: When you turn your attention from someone else to her, when you smile at her, when you touch her, when you say something nice about her (non-physical), how does she react? Is it politician-polite, or is it lovespell-baffled? If it's lovespell-baffled, she finds these rare hints of your behavior as a priceless reward (the bone).. so instinctively, she's just happy.. and smiles or blushes, or laughs (giggles)..

Hoops: Hoops & power-games are my favorite.. In fact, I have an issue i'm working on, (I don't like to jump through hoops).. Women love hoops; they do it instinctively and sometimes without conscious thought; to them, it's automatic testing.. But they WILL backwards rationalize and deduce that if you JUMPED the hoop, you're interested in them.. (which is why I don't jump any hoops; but it gets a little extreme sometimes.. it's OK to jump hoops after a while).. Hoops come in all sizes; and an important rule is, (YOU MUST TRANSITION).. you have to start small, and work your way up..

(Example: You meet a woman at a bar; which are you more likely to do for her? (not to say you'll do either, just which one is more likely).. How bout you buy me a drink? How bout you buy me a boat?)

Small: "You don't have to ..come/follow/do it/answer/etc.. if you don't want to" (this is a very subtle hoop, because if YOU/SHE does, it implies that YOU/SHE WANTS TO, and that's why they did it, because they DIDN'T HAVE TO).. "Hold this for a second (hold it) thanks".. "Wait here for a second (waits) i'll be right back".. (Notice: all of these are compliance tests, but because they are only small hoops, they only provide little reliability that she's interested if she complies)

Medium: "I'm going outside for some air, it's too loud and stuffy in here (does she follow?)".. "I know we made plans for ____ but is it ok if we go on ___ instead? (well? does she say it's OK?)".. "Can I use your cell to call up my talkative uncle in South Africa for an hour?".. "We're going to ___ on ___ if you want to come. (does she say OK?)".. (Notice: They require her to invest either money, more time, or (this one is important) her ego! Notice how these hoops are a little bit more obvious! Hence, if she won't hold your hand yet (small hoop), don't expect her to come out with you this weekend (medium hoop).. these hoops provide average reliability)

Large: "I'm going to Greece for 2 weeks during Spring Break; but everyone I asked is being "cheap" about it.. I told them we're not really spending much money though, but it's going to be so awsome, I just wanted some fun people to come along.. Say, are you doing anything for Spring Break? (you're not asking her to come yet, you just asked if she's doing anything for spring break; will she say YES or NO?)".. "You lean in close to her as if you're about to kiss her, you start to slowly breath on her neck & shoulders and sensually tug on her hair as you run your fingers through it (does she pull away, or does she seem nervous? even better, does she relax and enjoy it?)".. "You ask her to be your Valentine, date at some event (prom included), or to come with you during christmas/new years to do something romantic together (implied date).. (well? this one is obvious)".. (Notice: These hoops are HUGE! Aside from the vacation/trip suggestion, money is not what makes them so big, they require a huge ego investment.. so if you haven't transitioned well enough.. she may want to comply, but may still feel afraid/awkward because she's not comfortable enough yet in terms of investing her ego.. if she does though.. well.. let's not state the obvious)

GrkScorp's C0ck: "I'm going to (out of state) this weekend for (activity).. have you ever (done activity/been there)? Well, i'm actually not going with anyone else for the moment, you should come.. mostly because I don't have a camera.. i'm just kidding, but seriously.. it'll be awsome.. (well? is she going to come? [pun])".. "Hold up.. (I forgot something/need to do something), come upstairs for a second.. don't get any ideas though.. I want my couches & chairs dry! you're not getting lucky tonight, i'm not that easy.. (at your door) ahh, I hate this lock.. it's so hard to stick this key in, you have to keep moving it around inside until it finally opens.. (door opens) anyway.. this is me.. you can sit down and relax until i'm done, or snoop around.. whatever you girls like to do..".. (Notice: This is by far the biggest.. hoop.. Sex is a bigger hoop than kissing.. which is a bigger hoop than holding hands.. this is "the bone".. and if she complies.. and if she's lucky.. then maybe she'll get to have it..)

Extreme: "Have you ever tried anal?".. "Have you ever considered implants?".. "Have you ever thought about having a three-some?".. "Will you marry me?".. "I want to start a family".. etc.. (Yes, sex isn't the final frontier.. there are deeper levels of compliance, and these are such hoops)

[nuevo]

I think that you should not betray your best friend, even if you really like her, you will regret it. I did it and I can say it wasn´t worth it. There are lots of girls out there, why would you risk a good frienship?? even if they borke up a long time ago, i still thinking that a friend is a million times more important than a relationship with a girl (even if she is my friend), the risk of lose a friend is not worth everything in the world...He is your best friend (1 in a million) she is some girl that happens to be a good friend and you started to have feeling for (not big deal) think about it.

[RobTony]

That's very useful advice there!...
but the friend thing is a good point too...
I don't think I'll know for sure what to do ...ever
Thanks for the advice peps