bit of an update and + getting bf to contribute!!

[miSSleepy]

OK so if anyone remembers I had some issues with being in a long term relationship and meanwhile having very strong feelings for another guy as well as my bf. Well, I've decided that my current bf is the one I want to be with... I do love him and love making him happy and I have all i could ask for in my current relationship - he couldn't be anymore loyal and faithful if he tried and i completely and utterly trust him in a Harem. The other guy is another world and even though we click I'm working (successfully so far) at distancing my self from romantic feelings.

Recently I have moved in with my bf and things are fine, nothing has changed. Only thing is, he is HORRIBLE with chores, removing dirty laundry and just general little things around the house that he should be maintained by both of us, but I have to maintain after me AND him. We have talked about it but he just comes up with excuses like "i didnt mean to, i didnt see it, i dont know how, i forgot etc etc"... after the talk he we decided that he would do a few specific things but so far nothing has changed. Sometimes when i'd ask him he'll do it, but sometimes he wont look to happy about it.

what on earth do i do!?!? i am not being a 60s housewife while he watches TV, but there must be some way to fix it without letting it ruin the relationship.

[vashti]

Why don't you set aside a designated time when you can both do chores together? Either that, or hire a maid.

[Mish]

I'm glad you've made the choice, I knew you'd make a decision. Do you still see the other guy at the classes? Has your chemistry changed?

As far as the chores go, the technique I do with my house mates is I clean after myself, but not after them. At some point they notice they need to clean something or put one of their own things in the right place and they just do it. This individualistic approach so far seems to work for me

[moonlight]

Maybe a chore list of things you can both agree that he will do and when.

I am like your bf. I'm not a clean freak and it just doesn't bother me if the house/kitchen/bathroom is messy. Eventually, I'll clean it up, but usually not as often or as well as someone else would like it.

You can't imagine how peaceful my life is now that I live alone...I've been married or hooked up all my life and I never realized how much I HATE the damn bitching about dishes in the sink!! I will get to it when I damn well feel like it!

However, I did have one relationship where the guy told me "I want the kitchen straightened every day by you and all the laundry done once a week. If you do that, I'll do the bathrooms and the vacuuming."

Childish on my part, yes, but it worked well for us.

[IndiReloaded]

set aside a designated time when you can both do chores together

a chore list of things you can both agree

We do both these things, MisS. I have a whiteboard with weekly tasks we are each responsible for & we both work on things together on one day of the weekend.

We also alternate mornings for who gets up & brings coffee, cleans the kitchen & prepares breakfast & lunch. The other person gets to sleep in/read in bed for an extra 30 min.

Don't fight over cleaning. You'll feel really stupid for it everytime afterward. Not worth it.

[Gigabitch]

Hey, miSSy, I'm glad you're back. I thought you were gone. I miSSed you.

My ex-husband just pretty much sucked at the cleaning thing. The only way he would clean up after himself is if we had a big four-day Mexican Standoff about it, where I would just let something sit and fester until he noticed it, with me becoming increasingly disgusted and infuriated with each passing day.

Unfortunately, I never did manage to fix this, but we did come to a somewhat peaceful solution. He had his own office, where I would throw all of his crap that migrated out into the rest of the house. He had his own bathroom, which I never used, and he also paid someone to come and clean every week. I believe that woman saved his life.

I realize that's probably not much help to you right now, as I imagine you have only one bathroom and there's nowhere to pitch his piles of crap, but it might help in the future.

The best advice I can give you is this: don't let it slide. If you start putting up with it, he'll have no reason to change his behavior (remember, you're not trying to change HIM, just his behavior, in case he brings that point up). If you clean up after him, you will keep cleaning up after him for the entirety of your relationship.

When you first move in together is the best time to lay down some really hard and fast rules that will help your relationship succeed. So be a bitch about it.

[IndiReloaded]

He had his own office, where I would throw all of his crap that migrated out into the rest of the house. He had his own bathroom, which I never used, and he also paid someone to come and clean every week. I believe that woman saved his life.

Damn, I feel like a total tool. This is such a great idea. Think I will do this.

[Gigabitch]

I used this great big basket with handles that I would just up-end into his chair.

I do not have this problem with Cali Boy. He's tidy.

[IndiReloaded]

I used this great big basket with handles that I would just up-end into his chair.

I do not have this problem with Cali Boy. He's tidy.

Mmmm, mine is intermediate. He loves bleach (so at least things are sterile), but we have books & papers EVERYWHERE.

Love the basket idea.

[miSSleepy]

I miSSed you.

HAHA!! Thanks Giga, and thanks everyone too for the support and the advice. A more structured plan would probably work, I just have to make sure we both put effort into it, because just hanging it up on the wall doesn't seem to work for him! And yes, after fighting about cleaning I DO feel enormously stupid. I feel it's just so trivial, but at the end of the day it isn't.

I have tried throwing whatever he leaves behind or doesn't clean up right where he would notice and be bothered by it, but he's very selective about what he notices. I once caught him asleep on the bed, his body contoured around the piles of washed clothing layed out for folding.

[Gigabitch]

I once caught him asleep on the bed, his body contoured around the piles of washed clothing layed out for folding.

I suggest you start carrying a rolled-up newspaper around to swat him with.

I hope he has qualities that balance his blokey slovenliness, because that's annoying as hell.

[miSSleepy]

I suggest you start carrying a rolled-up newspaper around to swat him with.

I hope he has qualities that balance his blokey slovenliness, because that's annoying as hell.

O he does. Like I said, I could trust him in a harem. And conversations are great and plenty. And of course, I've actually never had the problem of not being 'satisfied' in bed he's very attentive there.