how to free his inhibitions

[lastwish]

there's a guy that I am dating that is very uptight. Like he would hesitate to take initiative in contacting me (I contact him most of the time and when he actually does, it is when I don't for a very long time). Also, he wouldn't say hi to me when he sees me (I have actually been ignored once). He told me he is uncomfortable in holding my hands in public. His kiss is hard and he doesn't like to have long conversations with me unless its behind the computer (through online chat). There was a time when I actually thought he wasn't that into me...so i back off but then a few weeks later he continue to message me and told me he was bothered by the fact that I don't take the initiative to say hi to him anymore. I'm frustrated by his hesitations and lack of initiative. Is there anyway to free his inhibitions?

[vashti]

Why would you bother? In a dating relationship, you are supposed to be looking for the ideal guy (or close to it). Your boyfriend is not a fixer-upper. This is his personality. You take him as is, or leave him.

Personally, I would want a guy that showed more initiative in acting like the boy, so he'd be history.

[Stirfry]

There's nothing you can do, except to dump him.
He's not going to change. But you can change boyfriends : P
The guy who really deserves you will treat you much better than this.

[Ashliejae]

i agree with both other posters, your worth more then this. Never waste time on a person that wont put to your relationship

[Tedel]

My .02... If you really want to be with him (hey people, this girl can actually be in love with him, you know!?) what you can do is to push him a little. He can just be shy... or he can just be cheating you... or cheating his girlfriend with you...

[Mathias]

My .02... If you really want to be with him (hey people, this girl can actually be in love with him, you know!?) what you can do is to push him a little. He can just be shy... or he can just be cheating you... or cheating his girlfriend with you...

Fixing people generally doesn't work. Wasting your time on it is usually the wrong way to go about it.

[boobaa]

Give him some hardcore **** and he will cheer up.

[squirrley]

I dont know how much time you've invested in this with him, but theres a high probablity he's just shy until he gets comfortable with you. But I wouldnt spend alot of time figuring that part out. If he's not assertive enough for you, than move on. Maybe you want someone whose more outgoing and he's not that person. But you cant change someone whose a hermit or a recluse.

[thefallenheart]

if he is that shy then there is probably a reason for it. do you know what that reason is?

and here is the thing; if you were to go with him then there is absolutely no possibility that he would cheat on you. and if he is that shy then there is very little chance that he has been in a proper relationship before and as such he may be very cautious in what he is doing and is less likely to do something spiteful/thoughtless to hurt you.

but no, silly me, tradition dictates that it is the man that has to run around after the woman. and maybe he is as sick of the constant expectations as i am.

maybe his is just a very quiet person but is really nice deep down. a bit of perseverence never hurt anyone.

[Only-virgins]

I like how everyone makes him seem like the devil or something. He is just maybe an introvert.

[vashti]

If you have a girl who wants to be the boy, this type of guy is a good match.

[misombra]

some guys are so flippin boring.

::snoooooooooooooooooore::

it's really sad.

[Only-virgins]

If you have a girl who wants to be the boy, this type of guy is a good match.

Meh, I don't think women are worth all the flipping around and jumping around for.

[GrkScorp]

Is there anyway to free his inhibitions?

Yes! De-program him..

Guys in America are programmed to be church-boys.. that's right..

GOOD male behavior is displayed as romantic, sweet, with no mention of sex, lack of being assertive, putting the female on a throne and letting her get her way..

BAD male behavior is displayed as aggressive, violent, sleazy, deviant, expressing sexual urges, intentions, desires, being pushy, being assertive..

Through that culture, men are, well.. not men at all.. They are forced to suppress their natural male urges and desires, the way they would naturally act, because society has painted a deviant picture of what it means to be a man.. and has instead tossed a picture of a "wussy" for men to follow..

You are faced with the task of dispelling his culturally programmed notions.. (don't worry, if I can do this with women and make them not feel like s1uts for the things they do; it's totally possible to dispell his programming)

Start with suggestion.. watch movies together where the guy in the movie is being sweet, sensitive, romantic, etc.. (what a wussy, ugh, that's so unattractive.. is he gay?) Yes! Those are the notions he has to think of.. There's nothing MANLY about this.. but it should be indirect suggestion, never directed towards him or else he'll feel you're attacking him.. he has to think "hmm.. so all of that isn't what's sexy.. it's actually unattractive.. then what's attractive?"

Continue with suggestion.. watch an other movie where the guy is aggressive, assertive, basically sexy and a man.. (oh wow, that's so sexy, that's so hot, I love it when a guy does that, etc) Careful! (make sure it's not a violent movie; this can lead to anchoring gone wrong).. again.. be indirect.. he'll think "Ah!! Interesting, so I guess that's what's sexy, that's what being a man is all about.. I guess that's what she likes.."

You may think you're done, but you've only just begun! The point is not to get him to do what he thinks you like.. the point is to de-program him of his American-male notions.. He has to feel that it's perfectly acceptable to be assertive, to take initiative, and to express his interest in you, both romantic and sexual.. to do this, you have to again eliminate the culturally programmed fears he has through indirect suggestion; here are some of the key fears:

- If I initiate sex, she will think i'm like all those other men who are animals and think about sex all the time
- If I initiate sex, it will give off the vibe that I'm the only one who enjoys sex, and that she doesn't enjoy it
- If I express my sexual urges, interest, desires.. she will think that i'm preverted, sleazy, deviant, weird, like all the other men who think about only one thing all the time
- If I call her or touch her, or do it as much as i'd like to, she may think that i'm weird, or pushy, or aggressive like Kobe Bryant and might file a rape charge

Truth be told; you want a man to call you, and adore you, and touch you in all the right places, in all the right ways, and throw you on the bed, and take your clothes off, and wisper into your ear about how much he wants you and all the things he wants to do to you, you want him to take the lead and take control, and the reality is that it's not awkward at all.. (but he's been programmed to feel that it is, the same way you've been programmed to think that some things are slutty.. so you have to use indirect suggestion to try and dispell these notions; you have to convince him that you don't judge him, that this is what's normal, that this is what being a man is about, that's it's perfectly natural and OK.. you have to make him comfortable, like you won't judge him basically, like you won't think he's strange, weird, sleazy, deviant, etc for being that way..)