Found out the truth the wrong way

[aj007]

this is a little long..so please bare with me. It hurts so bad..not just what happen and how it happen but in the manner she is handling it.

I know all of you have seen my post abot my situation..Known this person been friends since 2000. We clicked relationship wise in may this year and became a couple on august 21. She lived in vegas I lived in California. Everything seemed great, my love dher we talked about kids, marriage everything. She brought that first BTW. She spent thanksgiving with me at my moms house for 7 days and i spent christmas and new years at her house for 9 days. everything seemed great, a few days after christmas she said she had never been happier in her life and she was so happy i was there. we got in a few arguments near the end of the trip and the last day when we were in bed before her taking me to the airport she made the comment if i do sleep with other girls make sure you wear a condom, but tell me the truth she will love me no matter what. well she later says a few weeks later she doesn't think she loves me anymore that was after a weekend i could not get a hold of her at all. so then comes over to see me on jan 19 and is blushing saying how much she missed me, hugging and kissing me and then says how she confused she is. i ask her is it another guy she looks me in the eye and says no. we end the conversation she says lets take it one step at a time.
have not heard from her since, everyone says give her space. i do. i don't contact her at all for two weeks. i then said her a voice message saying hi and seeing how she is doing. get no response ok more space. well valentines day is here. my mom and her bf go to vegas for vday weekend. well my mom was close with her so she wanted to go eat at where she works what does she find out when she calls there to ask if she will be there so she can request her, they tell her that she requested both thursday and friday off. but she will be working on saturday.
who calls of work for vday and the day after if you are single, that is the proof she lied to me not once but twice.
she still doesn't know i know or that my mom is their in vegas

i called her today to wish a happy vday and hope to hear ffrom her soon.
tell me why would she lie and continue to lie, i mean if she is with a guy now why just come out and say it instead of me contacting her. is she keeping me on standby in case this doesn't work, is that what she meant by one step at a time. To me it has to be an ex bf for it to be that quickly after us breaking up..

no mean remarks here..if you are going comment be honest and please give the reasons for it..

what shall I do if anything?

[Mathias]

You just need to stop. It's over, and you need to man up and treat it that way.

[aj007]

You just need to stop. It's over, and you need to man up and treat it that way.

that was not the question..i did not ask for comments like that..i wanted opinions on what you think happened and why she would lie tome agaion and again and also act that way when seeing me. just say the truth instead of lieing and showing how bad your character is.


also i asked why is she not telling me. she could easily tell me now but yet she does not..why? cause she feels since i don't know she can keep me on standby.

[92135011]

My friend, I am in a similar situation here. In my circumstance, the girl is keeping herself available. She met another guy, who she is interested in, but isnt sure if she wants to start something new with him, or continue on with me. We are also working long distance, with more years of long distance. On the other hand, the other fellow will be returning to her home town soon. In the next few weeks she will probably make a final decision what to do.

Problem is that I feel the same way as you. A second choice. A back-up. But then on the other hand, we have had so much history together - 5 years.

[bluesummer]

that was not the question..i did not ask for comments like that..i wanted opinions on what you think happened and why she would lie tome agaion and again and also act that way when seeing me. just say the truth instead of lieing and showing how bad your character is.


also i asked why is she not telling me. she could easily tell me now but yet she does not..why? cause she feels since i don't know she can keep me on standby.

I don't think there was anything wrong with his comment. He was just being honest with you, and I agree with him. Or are you just too scared to hear the truth?

There's no way for us to know what this girl is thinking or why she is handling things the way she is. My gut instinct says she's seeing someone else, but who knows. You're going to have to ask her. And if she keeps being distant and no responding to you, you need to let it go.

[boobaa]

Set her house on fire.

[Mish]

also i asked why is she not telling me. she could easily tell me now but yet she does not..why? cause she feels since i don't know she can keep me on standby.

Posibly

Or she just needs time to do her own things. You should just let it be. If she's interested she will come back to you.

[Gigabitch]

I say confront her. Really. It's the best way to put your mind at rest.

If you don't get the answer you want, though, you can't worry about WHY.

[aj007]

I say confront her. Really. It's the best way to put your mind at rest.

If you don't get the answer you want, though, you can't worry about WHY.

i agree its the only i will have piece of mind as well..do you think based on what i have told you she will be able to hide it then..i mean based on her she has no idea i know this.

do you think she didn't tell me to keep me on standbye..
do you think thats what she meant when she said lets take it one step at a time....or when she said she was confused....

do you agree if i give her a piece of my mind on how pathetic and just plain dispecable this is..i mean iwe spend time with each others families..she lies to me not once but twice about a guy....
i can handle the truth but when people are lying like that it makes you wonder what else they are lying about.

decentful people are thr worst

[aj007]

My friend, I am in a similar situation here. In my circumstance, the girl is keeping herself available. She met another guy, who she is interested in, but isnt sure if she wants to start something new with him, or continue on with me. We are also working long distance, with more years of long distance. On the other hand, the other fellow will be returning to her home town soon. In the next few weeks she will probably make a final decision what to do.

Problem is that I feel the same way as you. A second choice. A back-up. But then on the other hand, we have had so much history together - 5 years.

Thanks for your post..glad to see someone relating to my situation cause they have a similar situation.
i wish you luck on your situation..

should i confront her and if i do..how should i do it..calmly or just be straight to the point....i mean you can take the highroad or the low road...

i can still walk away with her knowing i know the truth as a classier person or make her feel like crap and not be as classy..

so you think she is having me on standby and thats why she is not telling me the truth.

[aj007]

I don't think there was anything wrong with his comment. He was just being honest with you, and I agree with him. Or are you just too scared to hear the truth?

There's no way for us to know what this girl is thinking or why she is handling things the way she is. My gut instinct says she's seeing someone else, but who knows. You're going to have to ask her. And if she keeps being distant and no responding to you, you need to let it go.

when people post her they are looking for comfort, beause they are venting either sad, angry frustrated..comments like that don't help..trust me i want the truth i feel it is a guy..what i'm talking about is why she would lie to me..i mean why do it..we have been friends for 8 years..i would think there would be more respect then that. i mean why cry and say she misses me and says she is confused then say lets take it one step at a time..and then not tell me its another guy when i ask..

seems to me she wants to keep there in case it doesn't work with this guy or she gets tired of him..because she does have feelings for me based on when i saw her last..the funny thing is she has no idea that i know because i found through plain dumb luck..

i know you can't know what she is feeling or thinking..but i'm asking opinions on what you think she may be thinking..more opinions the better deciison i feel i can make..

[poweredbuyer]

I am currently going through a break up as well with trying to fight for answers from my NEW EX who can't seem to tell me why she did what she did.

Bottom Line is I have been through this before and your situation sounds very similar to my previous breakup (5 year relationship).

My previous Ex decided to call it quits and she needed time for herself. She wasnt sure about what she wanted yada yada yada. I knew there was another guy in the picture by her behaviour but I let that go. I constantly thought why is she still contacting me sometimes and saying "Hey Miss you" or "Hope your day is going well" hell we even had sex many times (while she was with her new man). Thing is women have some desire for power after break ups. They want to know your still available because it gives them the courage and strength they need to go on. In my case she didn't want either of us just used to get what she needed. I like you questioned everyone "what is she thinking" ... "Am I being stung along as Plan B". Truth is their is a high probability that you are in some way being strung along. And if she can't tell you the truth then your right its a testament to her character and nobody deserves that. (Im in a similar situiaton trying to beat out answers from my ex for peace of mind). If you have your suspicions and your "gut" tells you your right than 9 times of out 10 you are in my experience.

Step away leave her alone and honestly do not contact her for a long time.

You gotta try hard to write this one off in your mind. One thing I will tell you I feel your pain but trust me it will be for the better.

[aj007]

I am currently going through a break up as well with trying to fight for answers from my NEW EX who can't seem to tell me why she did what she did.

Bottom Line is I have been through this before and your situation sounds very similar to my previous breakup (5 year relationship).

My previous Ex decided to call it quits and she needed time for herself. She wasnt sure about what she wanted yada yada yada. I knew there was another guy in the picture by her behaviour but I let that go. I constantly thought why is she still contacting me sometimes and saying "Hey Miss you" or "Hope your day is going well" hell we even had sex many times (while she was with her new man). Thing is women have some desire for power after break ups. They want to know your still available because it gives them the courage and strength they need to go on. In my case she didn't want either of us just used to get what she needed. I like you questioned everyone "what is she thinking" ... "Am I being stung along as Plan B". Truth is their is a high probability that you are in some way being strung along. And if she can't tell you the truth then your right its a testament to her character and nobody deserves that. (Im in a similar situiaton trying to beat out answers from my ex for peace of mind). If you have your suspicions and your "gut" tells you your right than 9 times of out 10 you are in my experience.

Step away leave her alone and honestly do not contact her for a long time.

You gotta try hard to write this one off in your mind. One thing I will tell you I feel your pain but trust me it will be for the better.

that was a great great response..thanks..sorry about the experience you had to go through.

so you think i should confront her about it..i found out through pure luck..but i mean for her to lie to me like that and put the reasons on something else is dispicable or hurtful to me and my family who welcomed her like a daughter.

so what do you think about me going over there and surprising her..should i be calm or be sort of like i don't care and rude since she sort of deserves that...since she has no idea i know..could it be she said she was confused cause she really doesn't know whcih guy she wants..

[Mathias]

that was not the question..i did not ask for comments like that..i wanted opinions on what you think happened and why she would lie tome agaion and again and also act that way when seeing me. just say the truth instead of lieing and showing how bad your character is.


also i asked why is she not telling me. she could easily tell me now but yet she does not..why? cause she feels since i don't know she can keep me on standby.

I don't think you're ever going to find out the answer to these questions, and you need to stop bothering yourself with details. She obviously doesn't want to see you, and your actions scream that you're just a toy for her to use when she wants it.

Get away from her, and move on with your life. You're looking for a logical answer to an emotional issue.

[poweredbuyer]

I don't think you're ever going to find out the answer to these questions, and you need to stop bothering yourself with details. She obviously doesn't want to see you, and your actions scream that you're just a toy for her to use when she wants it.

Get away from her, and move on with your life. You're looking for a logical answer to an emotional issue.

I totally Agree with this and well said mathias. Looking for a logical answer to an emotional issue is never possible.

Btw mathias. Could you respond to my post in the LOVE ADVICE section. hehe :-)