Not Happy in Relationships

[enBleu]

I'd like to preface this by saying that I have never had a real problem getting dates or moving along with somebody and dating. I also don't have a fear of commitment... or at least I don't feel that I do.

I am 23 and I would never have what I would like to call a real relationship. The longest I have ever dated somebody was for three months and that ended mostly because we needed extremely different things in life (and because I was not happy). Every other person I have dated I made the decision not to see them except for one who dumped me. I have extremely high standards... and when I'm sticking by them, I have nobody. When I let those standards down, I date the entirely wrong person. I also absolutely despise the whole bar and club and party scene. Just not my thing. So a couple years ago, I got into meeting people online. I have no shame in this simply because "my type" I guess is easier to find there.

I am happy alone. But sometimes I feel like I'd be more complete or happier or not feel alone with somebody. Except when I'm with somebody, I'm miserable. My question I aim towards anybody who dated some/a lot and then found somebody who was right. When did you know you had found the right person? Where did your "standards" fit into the equation? Should I continue with high standards and simply hope to find the right person or should I continue to relax them and just keep looking?

Of course I'm not looking for straight answer... but any personal experience or advice would be great.

[bluesummer]

I dated a lot of people that didn't work out for me. I even married one. After that, my standards went pretty sky high. I didn't want to be alone, but I wasn't happy with someone that did't fully meet my standards. I bounced around a lot.

I met someone online just last summer. Actually, I'd met four or five before him, but after a lot of trial and error, I found one that had everything I was looking for.

The moral of the story is, you'll likely have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince....and don't be so hard on yourself, you're only 23!! Standards are not bad thing. Unless say, you are asking for something thats a complete imbalance.

I find a lot of people say they have standards, but aren't realistic about them. IE if you're working at McDonald's, it's pretty unlikely you're going to date a lawyer. Or if you weigh 300 lbs and want to date a hot, sporty guy. Mismatched lifestyles. Also, there's a lot of people looking for someone who is the opposite of themselves because they want someone to complete them or fill in their perceived shortcomings. I always said you need to be happy and confident in yourself, complete in yourself, before you are ready to be with someone in a fulfilling relationship. Standards are void if you don't have any for YOURSELF.

Good luck.

[Junket]

Why are you "always" miserable?

Are you looking for some kind of 'chemical high' from these relationships that you're not getting?

[Only-virgins]

Are you looking for some kind of 'chemical high' from these relationships that you're not getting?

Who the hell isn't?

[enBleu]

I hold pretty high standards for myself as well and usually always meet them. I've been described as being a catch... I'm not sure I quite believe it, but whatever. I don't think the issue is me. Or rather, it is me, but I don't think the issue is that I'm not happy with myself. As I said, I am a happy, successful individual.

The problem is that when I'm in a relationship, I don't enjoy life as much. I guess I'm ideally looking for a good match for myself, but when I slacken my standards and I'm in a relationship with a GREAT woman who would make any normal guy happy, all I want is out of the relationship. I'm not scared, just unhappy. And I'm not sure how to explain this unhappy... I can't liken it to anything.

And it's not that I think I should have found the perfect person at this point in my life or that I'm expecting some sort of chemical high from a relationship. Trust me, I appreciate the fact that a relationship should be hard work. It's just regardless of who I'm with, when I'm in a relationship, I feel unhappy and desperately need a way out. And it's not just me that's having this problem. Every girl I've broken up with has been completely surprised and humiliated for not knowing something was wrong. So every girl I date, I make them feel terrible. I finally resolved to figure out what my issue is before I continue to date, because after I do THAT, I feel even worse about things.

I guess I'm just looking for somebody who might have had similar experiences in dating who can give me advice.

[Only-virgins]

I hold pretty high standards for myself as well and usually always meet them. I've been described as being a catch... I'm not sure I quite believe it, but whatever. I don't think the issue is me. Or rather, it is me, but I don't think the issue is that I'm not happy with myself. As I said, I am a happy, successful individual.

The problem is that when I'm in a relationship, I don't enjoy life as much. I guess I'm ideally looking for a good match for myself, but when I slacken my standards and I'm in a relationship with a GREAT woman who would make any normal guy happy, all I want is out of the relationship. I'm not scared, just unhappy. And I'm not sure how to explain this unhappy... I can't liken it to anything.

And it's not that I think I should have found the perfect person at this point in my life or that I'm expecting some sort of chemical high from a relationship. Trust me, I appreciate the fact that a relationship should be hard work. It's just regardless of who I'm with, when I'm in a relationship, I feel unhappy and desperately need a way out. And it's not just me that's having this problem. Every girl I've broken up with has been completely surprised and humiliated for not knowing something was wrong. So every girl I date, I make them feel terrible. I finally resolved to figure out what my issue is before I continue to date, because after I do THAT, I feel even worse about things.

I guess I'm just looking for somebody who might have had similar experiences in dating who can give me advice.

I feel like that in relationships I attempted...but I am thinking about someone else. Are you sure you don't have someone haunting your mind? really weird case scenario...honestly I think it couldb e the result of lowering your standards. Stop doing that, your standards are your standards.

[bluesummer]

It's just regardless of who I'm with, when I'm in a relationship, I feel unhappy and desperately need a way out. .

Well then perhaps you need to stop seeking out a relationship. Some part of you isn't ready for one yet. Why not just go about your merry way in life, pour yourself into friends and work and hobbies. Stop looking. The right one will come when you are in the right frame of mind, and not before then.

[enBleu]

Well then perhaps you need to stop seeking out a relationship. Some part of you isn't ready for one yet. Why not just go about your merry way in life, pour yourself into friends and work and hobbies. Stop looking. The right one will come when you are in the right frame of mind, and not before then.

You know, that's pretty solid advice. I hadn't even thought about it that way before. Huh.