Needs more time? But what about ME?

[Iserbob]

*Takes a deep breath*
Here it goes.

First off, I'm gay. I'm 19, and I just recently met the guy that I've been day dreaming about since day 1. We met just as I had day dreamed the perfect 'one' and I would meet. And he has the best personality. All I can say is, he is perfect, and I couldn't ask for more. To me, it was love at first sight. I've really fallen head over heels for him. We've been dating for about 3 weeks to a month now.

Now the bad news.

After I told him I liked him (which was so hard to do because I didn't know if he were gay or not), we really hit it off. We just connect so well together. We did. We still do. Only he isn't as affectionate as I (and I use this term loosely) "require". He USED to be affectionate. But just recently, he isn't so much anymore.

I asked him why he never takes MY hand, or kisses ME, or just does something as simple as put his hand on my knee while we're driving to somewhere. And he said that he probably never will be able to.

He explained that he has a wall around his heart that he has to deal with. And that he wants it to go away, but he's afraid of being hurt, or of hurting me. He also said that he needs time for our base level of friendship to grow before we move on to kissing and maybe even holding hands.

I understand what he means by letting our base level grow, because we really haven't known each other for that long. We've only known OF each other until recently. But what I don't understand is, why there is a wall there NOW?

I don't doubt that there is a wall there. I can understand him being backwards and shy. But, through what I personally feel for him (the love I feel), my wall around my heart has been broken a long time ago when we met. And I'm all about showing him I love him through kissing him, holding hands, or putting my arms aruond him.

He is really stressed out too with school and work. He worked two 12 hour shifts thursday and friday, and we only get to see each other on wednesday nights, saturdays, and just a little on sunday. He's always on the go. We starting talking on spring break, so we both had a lot of free time we could give one another. And I understand how this can affect his social life.

He said that he loves me, but he doesn't know if he's 'in love' with me. He also said that he doesn't beleive two people can fall in love in such a fast time. And I told him that I do. Because I know what I feel in my heart for him - I'm in love with him.
He needs some time to fall in love, he said.

But he says we need to back up, or slow down just a bit.
And I understand. To a point.

But even not understanding somethings, I want to go through this with him. I love him so much, and I don't want to loose him. I want to go through all things with him. And I'm willing to wait. And I told him this.

I truly beleive everthing will be alright in the end. Its just a hurdle that we have to jump together. But it still worries me to death, becuase I don't want to lose him. I have no doubts about him. And we both agree that we will have an excellent long term relationship ahead of us.

I just have to hang in there and be with him, and be ready for him when he's ready.
Aren't I doing the right thing?

I'm just needing some reassurance and support here

[Pretender]

You're definetly doing the right thing if you think this guy is worth it. And it always takes people different amounts of time to fall in love because they have been through different experiences. He may be a guy that is not willing to get hurt so he doesn't just jump right into things, and you need to totally respect that.

Just wait him out and if he is as special as you say to you then I would wait with him as long as I'm happy to see him each time.

[sfalexi]

To me, it was love at first sight. I've really fallen head over heels for him.

I personally don't believe in "love at first sight". Cause all you can fall in love with is the person's appearance if it's at first sight. You have no idea what the personality, past, etc. is so it's more just "wow he's so hot" at first sight. But that's neither here nor there. On to the other parts of the post.

asked him why he never takes MY hand, or kisses ME, or just does something as simple as put his hand on my knee while we're driving to somewhere. And he said that he probably never will be able to.

He explained that he has a wall around his heart that he has to deal with. And that he wants it to go away, but he's afraid of being hurt, or of hurting me. He also said that he needs time for our base level of friendship to grow before we move on to kissing and maybe even holding hands.

This is the main problem with most relationships. One person is ready for some certain step in the relationship, and the other isn't. Relationships are filled with compromises, sacrifices, etc. So if he's not ready, you have to respect that and wait until he IS ready. Because trying to force him into something won't make the relatoinship any better. And if you show you respect his feelings and the time it takes, then he'll respect you and that's one less thing to bother him.

He said that he loves me, but he doesn't know if he's 'in love' with me. He also said that he doesn't beleive two people can fall in love in such a fast time. And I told him that I do. Because I know what I feel in my heart for him - I'm in love with him.
He needs some time to fall in love, he said.

I think the same as him. Be respectful and give him the time.

IF for some reason, it really REALLY hurts you to give him the time that he needs, then I advice getting out of the relationship. I see no reason to add unneccessary pain on yourself if it REALLY REALLY bothers you. If you don't think he's worth the wait, then leave. But if you DO think that you can wait it out for him, then do so. Luck to you!

Alexi

[Iserbob]

Thanks guys. I'll wait it out.

[Iserbob]

WOW.

This is uncanny!
I typed in my email, and found this thread that I apparently wrote at 20 about this guy. Reading it now, this is such a dramatic and immature post. Someone needed to slap me. No wonder he didn't like me. lol

Over 4 years later- I have grown up a lot.

What a nice find though. I'm very reflective. Its nice to see my feelings written out like this from so long ago. I can see how I have changed a lot in positive ways.

Finding this post by accident has made my day.