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Thread: Reality Poem!

  1. #1
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    Wink Reality Poem!

    sex is a sin
    kissing is a shame
    boys have all the fun
    while girls get the blame

    one night of pleasure
    9 months of pain
    3 days in the hospital
    with a baby to name

    boys say you cute
    boys say you fine
    but when they have your baby’s
    they say it ‘aint mine

    you might think I’m crazy
    but take my advice
    don’t be a mother
    before you be a wife
    Laughter is the way to life, of life and life.

    lovebirds.sg

  2. #2
    anachronistic's Avatar
    anachronistic Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by walahaha View Post
    sex is a sin
    kissing is a shame

    boys have all the fun
    while girls get the blame

    one night of pleasure
    9 months of pain
    3 days in the hospital
    with a baby to name


    boys say you cute
    boys say you fine
    but when they have your baby’s
    they say it ‘aint mine

    you might think I’m crazy
    but take my advice
    don’t be a mother
    before you be a wife
    I bolded the lines I liked. I think you have a good start on poetry. However, the transitions between stanzas should be more subtle. I think your poem will flow better if you can break yourself out of that rhyming habit!

    Just a bit of constructive criticism. I hope it's useful.

  3. #3
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    Erm.. Noted.. Thanks for the advise..

    Ha, we instill the rhyming system from young though.
    Laughter is the way to life, of life and life.

    lovebirds.sg

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