What to say after she says "I have a boyfriend"...

[UniBu]

So there's this girl that I plan on asking out for some coffee/tea. And during our sit and drink, I plan on asking her out to dinner. But before I do, I wanted to see if she has a boyfriend. Either by having a conversation around it or just asking her straight up. My question is, what if she says "I have a boyfriend." What do I say or begin to chat about next? Do I just casually change the subject or do I acknowledge it and just move on? What do I say to her next?

Thanks.

[Mish]

My question is, what if she says "I have a boyfriend." What do I say or begin to chat about next? Do I just casually change the subject or do I acknowledge it and just move on? What do I say to her next?

"Does he treat you well?

Are you sure?

Then what are you doing chatting up single guys if he does?"

[miSSleepy]

I don't see her agreeding to coffee if she had a bf or was serious about him

[GrkScorp]

NEVER ask if she has a bf, NEVER; here's why:

- If she hasn't mentioned him up until now on her own:

1. She probably doesn't have a bf

2. She does, but isn't telling you because she's not entierly happy with him, and is considering her other options (yes, that's you)

- If you ask her about her bf;

1. She may tell you she has one, even though she doesn't, just because she doesn't want to feel like some loser who can't get a bf

2. She will now have to tell you she has one, even though she hasn't this whole time, because she doesn't want to feel guilty later for hiding the fact (up until now it was "your fault" because you "didn't ask").. but if you ask and she doesn't tell you, she's no longer in the clear.. she must now tell her about her bf

3. You send out too much interest when you ask about such things.. (only someone interested would ask her such a question).. It may seem like the polite thing to do, but as you can see quite clearly, it's also the irrational and illogical thing to do, so just don't do it..

If she says she has a bf:

- You shouldn't be affected (that is to say, you should be unaffected).. it doesn't matter, it's no big deal, you don't care, because even if she really does have one and isn't just making him up, you know that you're better, the fact that she has one doesn't shake you, it means nothing to you, and think about the subcommunication of that..

- I personally like to first look at her with a look and face that makes her feel awkward and wierd for even mentioning that.. (as if she just told me she has AIDS because a pimp spit down her throat when she was 9).. then, "do her the favor" of changing the conversation to not make her feel awkward, like she just said the most insignificant and strangest thing in the world.. Change the conversation via "anyway.. blah blah"

In any case, NEVER ask about her bf, ever.. if she happens to mention him on her own, now you know what to do, what not to do, and how to act accordingly.. you're all set..

Best,

GrkScorp

[PussyCatDoll]

i agree with the above postee.. why would she go for coffee with you, if she has a serious bf?

[vashti]

I don't see her agreeding to coffee if she had a bf or was serious about him

I agree. Unless you have been giving off the impression you are gay.

I don't think it is bad to just flat-out ask: "BTW - are you dating anyone seriously?" I expect she will say no, and you can just say "good". If she says yes, just say: "that's too bad... i was going to ask you out, but I guess I won't now."

It is dumb to act disinterested if you like a girl, IMO. You will give her the impression you are DISINTERESTED. Of course, if all you are interested in is game playing, then go right ahead.

For the record, an unattached girl would NEVER tell you she has a boyfriend unless she is trying to give you the boot.

[Ekips]

"It is dumb to act disinterested if you like a girl, IMO"

Tell that in reverse to your own gender. >; (

"You will give her the impression you are DISINTERESTED"

Or that you're not desperate, which drives some women wild. Some.

"Of course, if all you are interested in is game playing, then go right ahead."

Tell that to your own gender. >; (

Regardless. Change the topic, or crack a joke at it, like "I don't have one =(", or something. It's 3AM, cut me some slack.

[genesys4]

i always asked my best (gal) frenz in a humorous way like,
'if ur bf knows we r out 2getha... bla bla bla'
..or..
'wat would ur bf said if he saw... bla bla bla'
in the end she would response, 'i dun have a bf'
which in the end gave a reconfirmation of her availablity
bcoz I always go out with her NOT for dating but 4fun frankly. and try asking dat funny & cocky Qs many times but not continuously, or she would realize sumthing. rememba gurlz r gud at body lang

[Cain]

Don't ask. Just ask her out. She'll tell you whether she's seeing someone or not.

But if she says she is, back off. There's nothing that annoys me more than a guy that goes after a girl in a relationship, good or bad. If it's bad, she should be smart enough to get out of it and not need saving.

[Illusional]

scorp... i beg to differ. i'd have be blunt and get to know the facts from the beginning.

i would ask for her number first..

i don't think that the author has yet asked for her number, but if he did, then his next question should be asking her out and finding out if she has a bf. i wouldn't want to waste my time beating around the bush.

raverboy

[Cain]

scorp... i beg to differ. i'd have be blunt and get to know the facts from the beginning.

i would ask for her number first..

i don't think that the author has yet asked for her number, but if he did, then his next question should be asking her out and finding out if she has a bf. i wouldn't want to waste my time beating around the bush.

raverboy

You don't have to ask if she has a boyfriend to find out whether she does or not. The way you approach certain topics determines whether the woman brushes you off or not.

[Whisteria]

In my personal opinion get into game mode its a much more useful way of finding out whether she is single or not. Be confident in yourself ask what you think is right you can even be straight forward i mean just because you ask a question dosen't mean your already interested but when you ask, ask in a more less obvious way if you know what i mean. If she does say she has a boyfriend don't worry about it just go along like its nothing if you really want her then play the game and go for the competition, just be yourself you should be fine, get closer to her i mean asking out a girl for coffee doesn't always mean you have an interetest or thing for her i mean i asked my x girlfriend out for dinner a few weeks ago and she thinks i'm up to something when i'm not and just still good freinds with her.

[Tedel]

Looking for a funny escape? What about "Don't you want another?"

After that, you can laugh, say 'I was kidding' or apologise for asking, depending on her reaction.

It never fails.

[Cain]

In my personal opinion get into game mode its a much more useful way of finding out whether she is single or not. Be confident in yourself ask what you think is right you can even be straight forward i mean just because you ask a question dosen't mean your already interested but when you ask, ask in a more less obvious way if you know what i mean. If she does say she has a boyfriend don't worry about it just go along like its nothing if you really want her then play the game and go for the competition, just be yourself you should be fine, get closer to her i mean asking out a girl for coffee doesn't always mean you have an interetest or thing for her i mean i asked my x girlfriend out for dinner a few weeks ago and she thinks i'm up to something when i'm not and just still good freinds with her.

I don't agree. There shouldn't be a competition because she's not single. If she's given you no reason to think that her relationship is messed up, why try to mess it up by trying to play with her emotions? Once a girl says she's in a relationship you need to let it go.

No guy can honestly think "Hey, she left this guy for me.. but I know she'll never leave me for someone else!"

Newsflash.. there is always someone out there that has more game than you, and if game is what got her in the first place it's what will take her from you.

[Lozenger]

I wouldn't ask if she is in a relationship - because if she is, it would be awkard for you both. But then again, as others have pointed out - why would she go for a coffee with you?

See how things go - if she likes you, she'll hold eye contact, play with her her a little (not like nervously) mirror your body language and she'll smile/laugh a lot when talking to you and her attention would be only on you - eg not glancing around the room as you talk to her and she wouldn't admire her finger nails

Good Luck with everything

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